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@ElbieKay: We will change to flying once our little one is older. It's tough to do flying because of so much stuff we have to haul. One thing is ILs don't really let us keep any baby stuff at their house (crib, high chair and etc) so we usually have to haul it with us or buy cheapy versions down their to donate later which is kind of pricy. Maybe I'll ask again if we can store stuff at their place again but my MIL likes a CLEAN house and doesn't like us having "junk" at her place. Good suggestion though.
@cascademom: Thanks for the advance! Setting boundaries are so important. My FIL is a boundaries breaker though. I try really hard to set them with him and I reset them but I basically sum it up to he's older and his memory isn't so good so he forgets a lot of things we have put in place. Which is tough on us.
@looch: Haha Thanks for the suggestion it has not been mentioned yet but we have tried this! We found it kind of tiring to travel... then wait a few days and travel again somewhere close (we tried going overnight to a zoo near by) and then coming back. Too much driving for a trip and managing kids during these drives.
@PurplePeony: @MaisyMay: Thanks! That's good but we prefer less traveling than more traveling. Haha.
@rachiecakes: Thanks good to know 2 times a year seems to be reasonable.
@T.H.O.U.: Oh sorry I didn't mean that as talking back either normally... I meant for me it would probably be consider talking back since FIL is a guys guy. I tend to dance around with him because of the way he is... so much troubles. It's just easier to keep the peace if I play out the quite wife though I think FIL has seen hints of me not really being that way. *wink*
@sunny: I can't work remotely!!! That's a requirement for my next job. haha. Dh can work remotely he actually had less vacation than me so we were using all his vacation days and he would try to work remotely while I watched the kids but we (I) hated that! IL don't help at all with the kids and their house is super dangerous (stairs with no gates) and so it was me trying to keep them lock up in parts of house and trying to entertain them with limited resources.
@Greentea: FIL had a scare a few years ago. We were actually only visiting once a year but 3 years ago we decided to up it to two times a year because we were scared we would loose them. So I definitely see your POV. Thanks for the comment. As much as it might seem FIL annoys me (he does) I don't want DH to regret not spending enough time with him and not letting the LOs get to know him before it's too late.
@Grace: Thanks! I think we will have to do that.
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@BadgerMom: Haha. That's how I felt too! If only my FIL would just use the airport. I thought there were people there that could help him get around but I wasn't sure. Thanks for confirming that. Though I know it's tough being older and it's hard getting around. I wonder if it's a pride issue with my FIL that he doesn't want to get the help.
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@avivoca: Thanks for the suggestion. Yeah my MIL is a neat neat person which is great but she doesn't like junk in the house. We have asked to store things before and it was endless how many times she would comment or ask us when we are going to get that out of her house. Like every time we talked to her she would mention the junk we have stored at her house so we ended up just taking it away since we figured it probably annoys her keeping it there. They don't have a small house either ... 4k sqft, 3 car garage, she just likes it clean and clutter free. We only asked to store a pack and play and a high chair and that was just too much for her!!
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Is your FIL aware that you use the majority of your vacation to visit them already? I got the impression that he just arrived after traveling a long distance and was cranky and complaining about it, maybe not that he actually expected you to visit more than you already do.
I don't think it's realistic to visit more than 2 weeks a year though, especially with young kids.
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@Veggiemama: Thanks for the comment. You might be right. I think this is also coupled with my second kid is 1 and FIL thinks he grew so much in one year (which is true) and feels like he missed a lot. I think kids change a lot the first year so it may feel like more time passed than it has.
He definitely said he wanted us to visit more knowing we visit 2 weeks a year. He's very demanding. He also wants to spend all our holidays there (we try to split holidays between both sides of the family) by saying to bring all my family (my parents and siblings) to them. Demanding!
I think you have a good point that he might be demanding because of the long trip he took and LO #2 changing so much in one year.
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Can they visit for longer periods? My friends in-laws rent a place for a month at a time to visit their grandkids. The 7 hour drive or flight may not seem so bad if they were staying a month.
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Hmm this is tough. I think if I were in that situation I would have my DH put their foot down. I understand your FIL is older but you have your own family's needs to look after as well! I also think if they wanted you to visit more often they would make it easier for you with storing all your stuff.....my ILs (who are only an hour away) have a ton of secondhand baby stuff that they bought and store for us to lure us over their house more often. And honestly, it makes it so much easier!
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@threeplusme: This is not a bad idea. One time they stayed with us for 3 weeks and that was pretty good. Maybe I'll suggest longer stays. Thank you!
@Ginabean3: Haha my parents do this!! They have a ton of toys and stuff for the kids, the kids love visiting my parents house. They do not equally love visiting my in laws maybe I'll mention this and they might want to store some toys and maybe that will trickle to storing other things like pack and play and high chair and stroller ... etc. Thanks for the suggestion!
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Honestly, when my parents are 83, I would not expect them to travel to see us often, and I would visit as often as I could (definitely more than 2x per year) because you don't know how much longer you have.
Right now we are a plane ride away from both sets of parents. In the past 6 months we have made 5 trips total to see either set, though granted it was the holidays. It's important to us.
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For me it depends on your relationship. Do you enjoy visiting or is it out of obligation? If you enjoy it do more of it, if you don't do less. At the end of the day will you regret not visiting or will you regret not taking your own vacations? There's no right answer here.
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I don't think it's completely unreasonable for visits to be one sidesd if the grandparent is elderly or in poor health or travel is inconvenient. That may mean less visits altogether though.
My dad recently put his foot down that we live too far away just for long weekend trip visits. It's 8-9 hours by car, 90 minute flight. So, we'll end up doing most of the traveling so we can manage our PTO better.
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83 years old is really getting up there in age. My grandmother is only a couple years older than that. So I think you have a pretty unique situation given your FIL's advanced age. I would never expect my grandmother to make a 7-hour drive or a plane trip. So that's tough. On the other hand, you are already making two trips a year, and that is a lot for you with jobs and kids. I think your FIL was probably just venting since he was physically fatigued and in pain from the journey and you don't need to take any more time than you already are.
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DH's family is all over the place, so I understand the demands on your vacation time. It seams like anytime we have the money/ time (which, so far, has been pretty non existent), we are pushed to visit one relative or another. I would probably just stick with the two weeks a year mostly, unless there was a special/ urgent reason. My FIL lives about 14 hours away, and so far doesn't have a problem taking the drive a few times a year. When it does become a problem, we might take a longer visit once a year, but I can't see us traveling more than that. But he hasn't been too demanding either.
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I think two times a year is plenty. And staying a week each time? That's a long visit! Why not fly up one time (if you normally drive each time) and just do a long weekend so you don't use an entire week? That way you'll have more time for long visits. I would put my foot down with FIL and explain you both work, how hard it is to travel with 2 children, and you have limited PTO days which can't all go to seeing him.
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