Appropriate or not? She's a lady. I asked the bride but havent heardbavk. It is today.
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I personally wouldn't but that's just me! Whose name(s) were on the invite?
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I would not, unless LO was specifically invited.
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I wouldn't unless she answered back 'yes'.
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I wouldn't unless the invite specified
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@DillonLion: I personally didn't mind when my friends/family brought their LO's to my shower. I think if she isn't disruptive (won't be running around or trying to tear into the brides gifts) there shouldn't be an issue. Again, just my personal experience.
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I wouldn't. It's hard because I bring my LO everywhere with me, but I hate making people feel compelled to say yes in those type of situations...so I often just err to the side of them saying no.
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Someone brought their child to my wedding shower. I didn't mind. They didnt ask. But it didn't bother me at all.
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I had many young children and babies at my shower, but I have been to ones that children were not invited. Tough call!
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@DillonLion: In my honest opinion, she has probably not responded because she doesn't know a polite way to say no.
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@Cara M. 17: I would have been annoyed if someone brought their (uninvited) child to my shower. Now that I have a LO I feel much differently about it, but I would not have been happy about it at the time.
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How long ago did you ask her? Maybe she doesn't know how to politely respond?
We didn't specifically say no kids at my bridal shower, but the only LO there was my flower girl and I thought things were fine. I personally don't really like not inviting kids to my events, so I wouldn't mind LOs being around. But, every person is different.
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@MsLipGloss: I can definitely understand why someone might be annoyed! I think it depends on the bride, the venue, etc. Again, it was just my own personal experience that I didn't mind if someone brought their LO.
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I personally wouldn't unless LOs name was on the invitation, the invitation said "family friendly," or the bride had answered back saying it was fine. I had 2 babies under 1 at my shower, but both women asked far in advance if they could attend and knew it was fine with me. If I didn't know for sure the bride wouldn't mind, I'd leave LO home.
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I think if it's between you not going and bringing your LO then just bring her, but if you can leave her at home then leave her at home. I personally wouldn't have minded but I can see the other POV too.
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Crud. Already left with LO in the back seat...
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Guess i am going to turn around and take her home. This stinks
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Sorry, but agreeing with the above. I did not invite or want kids at my wedding shower and my DH's aunt brought hers anyways. It certainly didn't ruin my day but I noticed and was annoyed.
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I guess i just never understood the no kids rule before and now that i jave one i really, really dont get it. To each their own. Shes staying home.
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@DillonLion: I think taking her home was the right move. Given that you asked the bride and she didn't respond I would take that as a definite "no".
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@DillonLion: I don't get it either.
I hope she ask least asks where your LO was and says it would have been okay to bring her. I know that would make me feel better in the situation! If not, to each their own I guess.
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@MamaMoose: thank you!
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For what it's worth, I really think you did the right thing. The bride might have been fine with her being there but as you hadn't heard from her....
I hope you still have a nice time.
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I would rather my friends come and bring their kids if there is no childcare verses missing out on a once in a lifetime event for me just because of childcare issues. You don't have to stay the entire time and can always go to another part of the house when baby is fussy. I had 4 of my friends bring their baby girls to my bridal shower and I loved it! But this is just me, I love kids and have lots of kids in my life.
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I think you did the right thing by going solo. The bride probably didn't respond because it's harsh to say "no I don't want your kid there". Next time you get an invite I would ask the shower hosts instead of the bride directly. The hosts are likely going to be more comfortable discussing or enforcing the guest list.
ETA children can change the dynamic in a room. I threw a lunch and one of the guests brought their baby. I was asked and felt like I had to say yes the same day as the event. I had to scramble to find soemthing for the baby to eat which took away time from putting finishing touches on the meal I planned. The mother was like " she will eat anything soft" as if "anything" was helpful. When the baby verbalized or cried the adult conversation stopped. We all then paid attention to the baby. Way to go for our train of thought. I get why children are not invited.
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I never think of showers being a child free affair unless it is specifically noted, or an obvious 'adult only' function (ie a night time event at a bar). I think of showers as a time for families and friends to celebrate in a more low key environment than the actual wedding.
I would have done the same as you and just assumed my LO was invited. I don't get the no kids thing either - didn't get it before I had kids and still don't get it now. Still, hope you enjoy yourself!
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Agree. Kid-friendly events are just different. Kids (especially small ones) can be really distracting to the group.
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I agree with @MamaMoose: if she wasn't on the invitation and the bride didn't respond, then I would have left her at home.
Showers I have given I list the child(ten) if they are invited or I email the guest to let them know.
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You did the right thing. Not everybody loves everybody else's kids. Not everybody wants someone's kids at an event because kids are annoying. I hope you still had a nice time!
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I know the shower has already come and gone, but I think it was smart I leave her home. Personally, I would have welcomed her if it was my shower, and would have made sure my friends with kids knew if I thought they wanted to bring them (almost none f my friends had kids at the time though). But I wouldn't assume everyone feels that way. I understand te no kids thing to a point- I didn't invite kids to my wedding and don't expect C to be invited. But generally showers are less formal.
Now I'm second guessing my plan to bring C to my sisters shower. She said she was fine with it (and I already know she is not invited to the wedding). I'm breastfeeding and she doesn't like bottles much, though, and it's going to be a long day with the shower two hours away. So maybe I'll just double check again!
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I definitely think you did the right thing, and hope you had an enjoyable time.
Personally, I do understand the "no kids" thing. Even as someone with an extremely well behaved baby, I get that she's still a distraction. Also, a baby can occasionally lend to stealing the spotlight away from the person who is meant to feel special on that particular day. I mean, who can resist a squishable little one?! As mothers, it's quite easy to forget that you were once without your child, celebrating events and milestones that were solely about you. It's all about perspective, I think.
That being said, I do think it's great to bring your child to events, as long as the hostess or guest of honor is comfortable, welcoming, and happily extends the offer themselves. Logistics and alternate care can be challenging and sometimes it's easier on your schedule and your heart to bring 'em along.
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@Foodnerd81: Your LO isn't invited to your sister's wedding AND you're nursing. I personally think that's harsh.
As for the shower, asking you to drive that distance is enough, so glad she doesn't mind your LO being there. I say take her and don't feel bad about it, especially since you got the ok.@DillonLion: How did the shower go?
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@Foodnerd81: neither my shower nor my wedding were kid friendly (both events were in very formal settings with open bar, etc) but for both events we made it very clear to nursing mothers that their babies were obviously welcome. I wouldn't feel like you have the ask again to bring her to the shower!
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@MamaMoose: my shower was not kid-friendly, lots of champagne and was held at a restaurant, open bar. But the wedding was a pretty unusual setting with tons of kids. The shower and after-wedding party were the only time I really got to party it up.
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@deerylou: I felt similarly before having children
@Boogs: It wasnt really my scene (very fancy and not at all kid friendly, go figure) and I was missing LO a lot. But I am glad I could support my friend and share in her special time.
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@DillonLion: I have an infant daughter, too. It's hard being separated from her, but sometimes I grow nervous she distracts, or steals the limelight. I'm glad you were able to be there to support your friend!
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@rachiecakes: hahaha yes I imagine your wedding setting was a little more conducive to families than most others!!
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aw@deerylou: i just go through these phases where sometimes I cant bear the thought of being apart from her and other times where I am dying for a break. I never know I will feel! Hopefully I will be in good spirits for the adult only wedding in a couple of weeks
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I hope you're able to kick back and enjoy the wedding! Could be a fun night out for you and your DH!
For my own wedding I was quite adamant about no little kids being there (although I did make an exception for one cousin who was still nursing her LO and also traveled from out of state to come). I was worried because I had a lot of other cousins with a total of 10+ kids under 10, but before news even traveled about it being an adults-only wedding all of them expressed to me how excited they were for an excuse to leave the kids with inlaws and have a weekend out of town! They all came and had an awesome grown up's night out.
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@DillonLion: Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I do hope that you and your husband can enjoy a very nice evening out, and that you're comfortable leaving LO, day of!
@Mae: Hah, that's awesome that your guests were so receptive and excited. We were also quite adamant about having no small children at our reception (save for nursing mothers, but my friend was only one, and she actually wanted the evening away), and got the opposite reaction from family.
Our ceremony and cocktail hour were both kid friendly, but the reception dinner was in a small, upscale restaurant. We had a very intimate wedding, so their presence would have been obvious and, dare I say, obnoxious. We got a lot of, "But weddings are about family", and "This is *very* inconvenient for us." Uhm....okay?
I hope she ask least asks where your LO was and says it would have been okay to bring her. I know that would make me feel better in the situation! If not, to each their own I guess.
As for the shower, asking you to drive that distance is enough, so glad she doesn't mind your LO being there. I say take her and don't feel bad about it, especially since you got the ok.
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