One of my oldest friend is getting married across the country from me when Baby Shopaholic would be ~ 2 months old. She is one of my life-long friends (through family) that I've known longer than almost anybody. When we got married in Hawaii, she made that trip from the East Coast by herself to attend. So despite LO being so young, I'd decided I could make the trek by myself and stay with my auntie to attend the wedding. My grandma "might" go too in order to help me. However, all my family members there would be going to the wedding.
I was just confirming the date (no formal invites have been sent yet) and now she texted me to say she has a "no kids" rule for now. I don't know what to do. I feel bad for not attending, but what would I do with a 2 month old in another state? I told her that I wouldn't know who would watch her and she'd need to be BF like every 2 hours. I think she is thinking about it at the moment. But I also feel bad if she tells other people "no kids" and I'm the only one she made an exception for?
In this instance, what would YOU do?
pineapple / 12793 posts
To be honest, I wouldn't go.
I think she should make an exception for a nursing mom and a newborn. Especially because you are making the trek.
coconut / 8430 posts
I wouldn't go unless I could bring the baby. Don't feel bad about asking for an exception! A babe in arms is totally different than a 4 year old running around.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
I would just be honest and say you and lo are excited to make the trek but you can't leave her.
grapefruit / 4712 posts
I probably wouldn't attend if I couldn't bring my young infant.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I wouldn't go. You have to feed your baby.... your friend just has to understand that. Your lo comes first.
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
I t depends on how close of a friend. I would go for my very best friend and I would have my husband come and we would trade off who was at the wedding with the baby--it would be a short visit at the wedding but I wouldn't want to miss it.
I have missed too many weddings.
Any other friend... I don't know!
nectarine / 2217 posts
I would still try to go, but if possible perhaps she could understand that like a pp said, an infant in arms is really very UN obstrusive :). We've been to a number of 'no kids' weddings where infants were allowed -- it always turned out well! Our LO would just sleep in his carseat beside our chairs, and we would sit near the back during the ceremony.
ETA: yes, as a pp said, if it did turn out to be a no for your LO, i would ask my husband to watch the baby and i would attend as much of the wedding as possible -- hopefully that would be an option!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
My cousin planned a last minute wedding and wanted me to be her MOH. I forget how old my LO would have been, but I'm thinking around 2 months as well.
I told my cousin I couldn't go to the wedding because I need to nurse my daughter and wasn't producing enough milk to pump and store.
The wedding never happened so it worked out for me.
Looking back though, I should have told her I would go and planned to have DH stay with LO and feed her formula for a day. I would have just flown in for the wedding and taken the next available flight back home after the wedding.
Can you leave your baby for a day with your husband? If you have a good supply just save enough milk or if not formula feed?
bananas / 9973 posts
Update: So she said she "can't back off because she has too many friends with kids." I told her I don't see how I could go then, and she suggested that I could pump at 2 months (because her friend did that for a date night) and "someone" could bottle-feed her while I'm at the wedding.
No way DH can go to the wedding and I wouldn't go so far just to hop on a 4 1/2 hr flight each way for one night. I'd have to spend some time with relatives out there too, who'd want to see the baby. And my friend said she wants to see the baby too! Just not at the wedding (obviously).
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@shopaholic: yes that doesn't make sense. I wouldn't go.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
looks like you will have to sit this one out..
flying solo doesn't sound ideal, and who's going to watch the baby if the rest of the fam is attending the wedding too?
persimmon / 1081 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I agree. It's one thing to pump for date night and a completely different thing to pump during a cross-country trip.
We had a mostly kid-free wedding but made exceptions for people who had to travel a long distance.