Hellobee Boards

Eesh! Sorry, congrats on being pregnant by the way!
We're lucky in the sense that my MIL will watch LO part time, and I can work part-time some weeks, but if we were alone there is NO way we could manage with me staying home, we'd have to look into daycare so I feel your anger. I get especially jealous on here b/c there are so many SAHM's!

Don't worry about it. Just ignore her. I've heard the "daycare will be raising your child" comment. So I guess people raise kids til age 5 and they're done raising them? Does school raise them?? She doesn't have kids yet so she has no idea about anything. Even if she did have them what she does for her family is good for them, NOT you.

Everyone needs to mind their own buisness and tend to their own family.

I honestly think that objections to daycare make LESS sense for the littlest kids. I just don't get it. A one-year-old won't remember who took care of him/her at that age, and what they really need is just love and attention, which I think you can totally find at good daycares. Once they get older, I think you have to think more about what kind of learning philosophies your center has, how they discipline kids, etc.... but for the little babies? They just need to be held and talked to and interacted with. And they sleep half the time.
My mom was a SAHM, and I remember loving having her around after school when I was in middle school- I'd come home and we'd talk about school, and what I'd learned, and what I thought about it... I really feel like that was valuable. But as an infant/toddler? I don't remember that period at all.
Plus, my daycare does stuff with my kid all day, whereas if I were staying home with him, I'd have to get other stuff done. I think he LIKES hanging out with other kids and getting playground time and water play time and arts and crafts time every day.

I worked in a daycare, and it made me feel way more comfortable about putting my kid in (a good) one. Sure, there were families who left kids there for 50 hours a week, 8am to 6pm, put their kid to bed at 7, and basically only saw them on the weekend. Did I spend more time with their kids than they did? Yeah, probably. But they weren't attached to me like their mom!! And that was just extreme cases.

I know they've proven now that daycare is no worse than staying at home for a kid. There are lots of benefits to daycare (though I think most start at 12-18 months +), but there's no harm! I would feel better about daycare than having my mom/mil or a nanny watch our kid full time. The daycare is trained professionals with plenty of resources and experience. It can be great!

I'm sorry you had to deal with that-- it sounds doubly frustrating since you couldn't really say what you were feeling without telling them about the pregnancy (congrats!). It sounds to me like she is justifying her own plan to stay at home, honestly. I feel like whichever you decide, you always feel a little guilty about it and feel the need to justify your decision, so her way is to talk about the evils of daycare. I know plenty of people who don't NEED to work, financially, but prefer to for a million different reasons.
I can't even comment on the housing stuff, since we pay so much more just to rent a 1 bedroom. Only paying $1000 a month would be insane (in a god way) to me. She doesn't sound like a very nice person.

I completely sympathize with you. Your friend is not based in reality. DH and I are struggling right now because he keeps pushing for me to be a SAHM once #2 arrives because of how much daycare costs. However he doesn't take into account how much we would be losing if I stopped working (health care and all investments come out of my paycheck which is a little higher than his). I don't worry about what people say regarding daycare anymore (I did at first) because I see how well DD is thriving and know that I probably couldn't provide the educational and social experiences she is getting there in the 2-3 hours we have together each night and the two days we have together each weekend.

I think she is just a little naive and because she doesn't know you are pregnant that she could be possibly be stepping on your toes.

As with the house, she might be having unexpected expectations when it comes to being a homeowner and what the real cost is, I just had this discussion with my friend.

Try to not let it bother you, hormones are going crazy and she didn't mean to personally offend you it sounds like.

Someone will be around to judge whether you put your child in daycare, get a nanny, stay at home, or whatever you decide. There's no way to escape judgmental Negative Nancies. Try to not let it bother you.

While I think it's awful that your friend offended you with a hurtful comment, now you can use it as a Learning expereience for yourself. It's time to develope your mommy thick skin. No matter what decissions you make there will be people there saying its the worst and the best decision you could ever make. I would just let it roll off your back and if she is still super insensitive when your baby (congrats by the way) comes then maybe she's not the best person to be around. I had to change some of my friend when I became a mom because I didn't want them to be role models in my children's life.

Next time if your in that situation you can politely tell her that it's her opinion and maybe that's what works best for her family but not for everyone. I stay at home and I rarely talk about why I choose it but I had a friend ask me once. (we had worked together before kids and she stayed in teaching while I left). She said "so how to you feel about being part of the turn around statistics for teacher?".

I said "you mean the fact that 50 percent leave within five years?"

She said "yeah, does it make you sad that you wasted so much money on schooling an now aren't working?"

I said "I use my schooling every day I'm just not getting paid for it anymore.".

It kind of stumped her for awhile then she actually got into why I choose to quit and if I was satisfied and how I survived all day with three (now four) kids at home with me. She didn't really mean to offend but just worded things strongly without realizing she just told me my schooling was worthless because I'm not using it anymore.

I wish I could tell you that things like this won't happen anymore but they will, people are opinionated and don't often voice their opinion in the nicest way. Good luck with your friend, have no fear about your child's daycare situation and know that you will make a loving home for your child.

I put my son in daycare when he was 2 and I wish I had put him in sooner. My mom had been watching my son since he was 5 months old (when I went back to work) and I was very happy that she had been able to watch him for so long. BUT looking back now, I realize that there are many benefits of placing young children in daycare. Although my mom talked to my son a lot and let him play outdoors, he started lagging in terms of social and language development. He's probably about 8 months-1 year behind in his expressive language skills and I really really think that daycare would have been very beneficial for him.

Since he's been going to daycare now (it's been about a month), he's learned SOOOO much and is a completely different child. He babbles ALL day long , mimics people, mimics sounds and engages in pretend play. He did none of those things before daycare. He's also MUCH more affectionate towards other kids now.

Unfortunately he's delayed in some areas and we can't get that time back but he's making huge improvements ever since we placed him in daycare. SO, forget what your "friends" are saying. They don't know what they're talking about because they have no experience in the matter.

Everyone kept telling me how "lucky" I was that my son was home with my mom all day and not in daycare. Looking back, I wish I hadn't listened to those people and actually placed him in daycare much earlier. You have to do what's best for your family because at the end of the day, these other people aren't the ones that have to live your life.

Oh, and congrats on your pregnancy!!!!!!!!!!!!! (had to end it with a positive!)

it's hard not to take offense, those kinds of comments would annoy me too. but yup, thick mommy skin, you will encounter soooooo many comments all the time, rude, obnoxious, snooty, oldfashioned, cultural, naive or ignorant opinions--daycare, potty training, sleeping through the night, bottle vs breast, co-sleeping vs crib, how you dress your kid, on and on and on, hahaha but i just nod, say "that's cool", and then do my own thing anyway. you're the mommy, you do what's best for you and your family! every situation is different.