When I was a kid, my parents could shut me down with a single dirty look! It was like a super power... not sure if it was because I wanted to make them happy, or if it was because I feared making them unhappy.

In any case, I remember always being slightly nervous that I would get into trouble... and I didn't ever want to get into trouble. We didn't really get spanked or anything - somehow that dirty look was enough to shut me down completely. It was like mind control on me, at least until I hit high school!

Now that I'm a parent, I have to say that dirty looks don't shut down my kids and that in general, the kids have very limited fear of making us upset or unhappy. They do love to make us unhappy... but if they're being naughty and I give them "a look," it doesn't really have any impact on them.

I feel like it's considered a horrible thing to have your kids be afraid of their parents at all... but I think about how effective it was on me, and I just don't know how to think about it. Is fear ok in small doses, as long as there's a strong bond/attachment between parent and child? Or are we supposed to get our kids to *want* to be well-behaved, ala Positive Parenting?

I don't know... all I know is that my parents had me way more under control than most parents (including me!) seem to have their kids under control these days!

Were you scared of your parents a little bit as a kid? Do you think that it was a positive thing... or was it bad?

ps Just to be clear, I'm not referring to fear of physical violence here... which I would never want to encourage!! I just mean, a fear of not wanting to let your parents down and/or make them upset. It's hard to explain, but I hope you know what I mean!