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@Maysprout: I wouldn't really call those people true friends though. They clearly didn't have an interest in solely being friends with you if there was no reciprocal romantic feelings...

@catomd00: they were people I'd considered friends and hadn't ever done or implied anything more than friendship with. And yes, there were people as dh and I got more serious that laid their cards on the table and made it more obvious to say ok this person wants more but not everyone makes it that obvious. Heck two of DH friends, who I also had become friends with tried to kiss me. Drinking was involved and dh and I weren't married yet but still, people who should have been pretty countable to not make a move.

We don't have any set rules, because neither of us have any close opposite friends right now. But in the country where DH grew up, having a close opposite sex friend just isn't done (groups are fine, but hanging out alone when not dating doesn't really happen), so he was very confused when he and I started dating and I had a lot of male friends.

As Maysprout has pointed out, once I started dating DH more seriously and I saw some of my friends through his lens, I realized some of them may be holding on to the idea of something in the future with me, and I really had to move those friends to the category of never hanging out alone. I do have a couple of male friends where I'm confident they did NOT have romantic feelings for me, nor I for them, so I would be comfortable hanging out with them alone. I think DH would be uneasy, due to his upbringing.

We had a pretty big clash a year into us dating where I planned a solo trip for myself in another country (I traveled solo something like 5 summers in a row), and DH got really freaked out about it. He just couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to go WITH someone (like a female friend, or him) and we really hit a stalemate for a while and had to work out our varied expectations. What helped me during that time was having two married friends saying that if their husbands wanted to travel in another country or 3 weeks solo, it wouldn't fly with them. And it make me rethink my priorities a little. I did end up going on that trip, because I dug in my heels, but now that we've been married and we have children, I wouldn't do it again and I wouldn't want him to do it.

Something somewhere along the line has changed, I guess. It's not about trust, because my husband is the most trustworthy guy I've ever met. I guess now I just see the value in guarding your relationship a bit and learning to lean on each other first, and put friends second.

Our rule is not to develop close friendships with members of the opposite sex. My husband does have work friends (this is unavoidable) but the level of closeness is one I'm comfortable with. There's no calling or texting or meeting outside the work context.

It seems like it's either politically correct or hip to say that these types of friendships are all good, but the fact is that close to 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why would anyone want to indulge in behaviors that have even the slightest potential to endanger their marriage. It is basic human psychology to like what one is familiar with, the mere-exposure effect we all studied about in psych 101. Tons of studies on interpersonal relationships highlight that attraction/liking increase with familiarity. There's a close circle around my husband and I and around our family and I guard it carefully.

@erinbaderin: agreed, and I'd be willing to bet the largest reason the divorce rate is so much higher these days is the simple fact that divorce is far more acceptable. I doubt there's a significantly larger number cheating these days, people just didn't get divorced over it in previous generations.

We don't have any rules, I trust my husband, even if someone were to hit on him. Takes two to tango.

@catomd00: good point! I would much rather my husband say, "I'm not going to cheat because I respect my wife and I don't want to" than "I won't cheat because my wife told me not to be alone with another woman." If the second one were the case, we'd still have problems to deal with.

@Maysprout: I guess I see a difference between discussing vows and making rules. We had plenty of conversations about hypothetical situations to make sure we were on the same page. But none of that feels to me like making rules about what we can or cannot do. Idk for me, It would be a total red flag if my husband ever came to me and told me he wasn't comfortable with me having friends of the opposite sex. To each their own and everyone does what works for them, I just can't wrap my head around it. I've had exes say just that and they were actually the ones being unfaithful, so maybe that's why I just don't buy into "rules" protecting relationships.

No rules.

Don't have sex with them. Does that count?

We trust each other completely. And our marriage is pretty kick ass. Neither of us has anything to worry about.

@Maysprout: We've never discussed our vows. I don't even know what we said! DH says I promised to obey, and we did get married in the church so that's a possibility. He's not dumb enough to try to enforce that though! Beyond that, really, we've never discussed what "in good times and in bad" means to us. I mean, we discuss finances, but that's just something that comes up.

@hb3233: I totally thought the same thing, lol.

No rules but we haven't had to have any. I have friendships that were established prior to meeting DH and those aren't an issue. I work in a female dominated work environment and DH works in a male dominated environment. So, we don't have much opportunity to make new friends where this situation could come up. I think for us, since we are so busy and rarely have time for anything, and DH doesn't have many close friends (none of them are women) I would probably not be ok with it. Not because I'm not ok with the idea that men can't be alone with women but because it is out of characteristic for us. Sometimes these things are dependent upon the situation.