Hellobee Boards

Login/Register

what causes the most tension in your relationship?

  • poll: what causes most of the tension?
    money : (29 votes)
    21 %
    in-law/family drama : (31 votes)
    23 %
    work : (13 votes)
    10 %
    your spouse's/your behavior : (38 votes)
    28 %
    childcare : (6 votes)
    4 %
    other (explain below) : (18 votes)
    13 %
  1. Ash

    honeydew / 7909 posts

    @JamieLee: my dh is a workaholic too... and his dad makes comments as well - he insists on working 6 days a week AT LEAST. Since getting pregnant, he's almost always home by 6 (but remember, he leaves at 3:30)... and he's even encouraging his dad and brother to be home earlier too.

  2. Mrs. High Heels

    blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts

    @sorrycharlie: haha, it's nice if you don't have that problem in your home!

  3. petunia354

    pomegranate / 3863 posts

    division of labor....

  4. sorrycharlie

    hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts

    @Mrs. High Heels: oh we totally do sometimes - I just spaced on it! although I'd much rather have chore conflict than money troubles..lol.

  5. Sophia

    apricot / 432 posts

    We don't really fight or argue, we're both really easy going (probably almost to a fault)....but we get annoyed with each other quite often when we're trying to figure out what the heck to eat for dinner. So silly.

  6. MsLipGloss

    GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts

    @Sophia: we do the same thing with dinner! and then we get even more annoyed because it shouldn't be so complicated!

  7. Sophia

    apricot / 432 posts

    @MsLipGloss: It's a vicious cycle The worst is when we're lazy and want to go out, but can't decide where to go. I'm fairly certain this will happen tonight! haha

    ETA: These arguments usually end with me dramatically saying "WE'RE GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH!" and then we realize we're both being turds and just make a decision.

  8. Mrs. Jacks

    blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

    Mostly about the girls.

  9. deerylou

    pomegranate / 3003 posts

    Money was never an issue in our relationship until we started contemplating a time reduction/year off in my career after LO arrived. DH is very, "We'll make it work, let's just live simply for a while, and enjoy our family," while I'm totally making detailed spreadsheets down to the last dime of our income. Sometimes, it causes frustration.

    Other than that, I would have to say that the division of household chores causes the most tension. I love a very tidy home, while DH is far, far more easy going about clutter. A little dust on the coffee table is no skin off his back, while it makes me an nervous wreck. I have trouble emphasizing the need for us to spend Sunday mornings cleaning house, as he would much rather be out and about.

  10. Boheme

    papaya / 10473 posts

    @MsLipGloss: @Sophia: Oh gosh, I forgot about dinner and grocery shopping. I change my answer! The crock pot is the equivalent of marital counseling at our house

  11. autumnlove

    hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts

    In laws

  12. Vegmama

    pear / 1799 posts

    @Sophia: Ha! That's exactly the answer I was going to give ... Seriously though, over the past few years we've REALLY focused on our communication, intimacy, saving money, setting boundaries with family, etc., so we're really good now. BUT, when it comes time to meal plan, we get frustrated because neither of us are very good planners.

  13. lemondrop

    bananas / 9118 posts

    Other- mostly house maintenance and reducing clutter. We've solved a big part of that recently now that my husband takes our boy out of the house so I can get projects done.

  14. ladybee

    grapefruit / 4079 posts

    Ours is DH's behavior. He can be very rude, especially if he's had a bad day and it really hurts my feelings. That or the lack of intimacy (again usually DH).

  15. irene

    nectarine / 2964 posts

    Small things get us to huge fights. Eg. He hates it when I don't put away dry dishes from dish rack and stack wet dishes on top, he gets super mad if I don't organize the fridge according to his likes. I get upset at him when he doesn't put his shoes back into the shoe closet. Small stupid things like that. We very seldomly would fight about money.

  16. CupQuakeWalk

    coconut / 8475 posts

    @littlek: us too.

    Work, he works a lot. He is home enough & I do appreciate his hard work...but he is always flaking on me and he can't make it to 95% of events. Oh well...
    We've learned to make it work for us, & he's never missed anything important yet (meaning when I REALLY needed him) , that doesn't mean it doesn't cause me to get bitchy now & again.

  17. StbHisMrs

    pomegranate / 3329 posts

    I think the stress from money leads to other arguments. When I get stressed out I find things to argue about, it's a very bad habit.

  18. PointeShoesTutus

    clementine / 797 posts

    We usually bicker about stupid unimportant things. I occasionally get frustrated with him when he's being a butt and not being empathetic about my various health problems. He thinks I'm overdramatic and exaggerate. Sorry DH but I have Crohn's and fibromyalgia...some days it's rough getting myself up, dressed, and out the door to work. He's never had to deal with chronic illnesses so he doesn't have any frame of reference. And sometimes I do whine a bit more than I should. I'm getting better about whining and he's getting better at empathizing.

  19. HLK208

    pineapple / 12234 posts

    Mostly parenting. We both are stubborn in what we think is the correct way to do something.

  20. irene

    nectarine / 2964 posts

    @HLK208: we are the same way too!!!! Grrr...

  21. MediaNaranja

    pomegranate / 3244 posts

    This probably sounds so silly, but food. He is SO picky and stubborn that meal time is a major stressor for me. I could seriously rage about it for days. He's THAT picky.

  22. Bao

    GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts

    Money, the lack of.

  23. Cherrybee

    papaya / 10570 posts

    @Sophia: OMG, we have this argument. I DONT CARE what we have for dinner, Id happily eat toast every night, whereas DH has all these unspoken rules - like we can't have salad on a cold day, he won't eat the same meat twice in a row etc - and he has to "fancy" something. Yet he wants ME to pick and gets the arse if I say I don't care. He asked me what I want over and over, dismissing every suggestion I make. Finally, I snap and then Im the bad guy!

    Most of our rows are about behaviour - namely mine at the moment. Im just so tired and therefore so snappy. I get irritated with him for little things (yesterday he moaned thst he was tired when he STTN and Im up with a 5 week old) and either snap or make a sarcastic comment then he calls me out and initiates an argument.

  24. NavyRN2012

    persimmon / 1447 posts

    I WOH and DH SAH, so he feels like if I'm not working, I should be taking care of the baby. I've left the house ONCE (excluding going to work) without the baby.

  25. MediaNaranja

    pomegranate / 3244 posts

    @Cherrybee: oh man, your husband sounds like mine when it comes to mealtime. Sooooo annoying!

Reply

You must login / Register to post

© copyright 2011-2014 Hellobee