Hellobee Boards

Honestly I don't think anyone has said anything TO me since the not-breastfeeding days over a year ago!

The thing that sticks out the most was a few months ago when a dad with kids the same ages as my older two shamed me for "still" breastfeeding my 3 month old.
Most common shaming is related to my oldest Lo's picky eating, why doesn't cio work for us, and why are the kids spaced so close together.

I'm constantly prepared to be shamed for formula feeding, but it hasn't happened lol. But when DS was around 2 months, we ran into an acquaintance who shamed us for taking DS out in his jammies (I hated dressing him in "real clothes" when he was so little and floppy) and because his nail needed to be trimmed. It was a few months ago but it still pisses me off when I think about it.

Probably my rigidity in his schedule/napping at home. I always get eye rolls and blank stares when I say we can't do something because of nap or bedtime. But really he set that himself. He can't go more than 15 mins past naptime or bedtime or else it's meltdown x 1,000,000,000,000 and he really won't sleep anywhere but a darkened room with sound machine. No, my kid won't nap on a blanket on the beach. No, my kid won't nap in the stroller, or the car, or your couch.
I know I probably created that when I was obsessed with Harvey Karp and Weissbluth in the early days, but damn, it works for us. My kid sttn since 4/5 months and has taken solid naps from early on and is truly the Happiest Baby on the Block. So to my mom-friend who skips naps to go see Disney on Ice and ends up frazzled because you have a miserable 2yo who isn't even watching the show...go ahead and roll those eyes at me. I'll be sitting on my couch drinking coffee in silence, watching TV or napping during my kids 2-3 hr nap.
(This is aimed at a particular friend who always skips naps and ends up in tears, screaming at her kids every. single. day. Yet makes fun of me for not skipping naps).

I haven't really shamed but I do experience a fair bit of side eye for "still" breastfeeding my 2yo (I nursed his sister until she was 3yo) and for the fact that he's only just started sttn. Please note that I give zero fucks about either of those things!

Just thought of another thing, my kids don't usually go to bed until 1930 so I also get side eye for not being able to go out early in the evening. My kids can and will happily go to bed for Dad but it's easier for me to be home to do bedtime. I have a few friends who's kids go to bed bang on six o'clock and I'm the only person I know still nursing so it can make planning social events kind of awkward...

@Kemma: I got shamed last year for DS going to bed so early! We'd put him down just after 6 and he would sleep from 6:30p to 7:30a. He's 2 now and goes to bed an hour later, but we get side eye from the ILs about keeping to his schedule when we visit.

I also got shamed (by MIL) recently for not sitting down together as a "family" for meals with DS during the week. Hello, we both work full-time, and don't get home with him until almost 5. That hour and a half before the start of bedtime routine is spent as a family. We feed him together and play with him, then one of us puts him to bed while the other cooks our supper. This is what works for our family at this time. When he's older it will be different.

If people are shaming me then I'm not paying attention.

The ongoing complaint from my Mom is that she's not potty trained at 25 mo, but she stays overnight with her longer stretches so I think she's sick of diapers-fair.

The ongoing criticism from MIL is that we are uptight and strict namely over car seat safety, sleep and food. But I have not seen her in several months sooooo

@yoursilverlining: ️️ Keep wearing her! She's beautiful, and come on, extra snuggles with 2 free hands?! What's not to Love?!

Same as @SweetiePie: Our kids' schedules and sleeptraining for sure. We are far more flexible with the schedule stuff with DS2 because HE is a more flexible kid, but DS1 is/was a psycho when he's tired or not feeling well. So we are still fairly rigid because of my older kid.

My ILs used to be like "wait till you have more than 1 kid" - well, surprise, now I have 2 and I can't imagine our life without having a schedule. And after we spent 2 weeks with them over Christmas and they SAW how DS1 is when he's off schedule vs. when he's slept (its literally Jekyl and Hyde) they were 100% on board. DS1 is super high energy and he NEEDS to crash out for 2-3 hours every day and the adults need the break too.

Our church Easter egg hunt tomorrow conflicts with lunch/nap for the kids, so guess what? We're leaving and having our own egg hunt at home AFTER nap. And we had school egg hunt on Friday and another free community one today before naptime. Jesus didn't die for my sins so I could have a screaming toddler melting down in a seersucker suit.

Amen.

Shamed me for not ebf my baby and that's why he's small.... All while I'm actually ebf my baby.

One of the daycare teachers (not D's) shamed me for not completely potty training D yet. (He wears pulls ups and is probably 50/50 on days he stays dry/doesn't.) She said "He's still in pull ups?! What will you do when he goes to school!" Um, lady, he is 3.5 years not 4.5 years, and still has a freaking feeding tube which majorly complicates things. But of course I didn't say that, I just said "I know, but we still have time"

@yoursilverlining: you two are so cute!! is that an ergo? and agree, I could barely make it out the door in the morning if I gave a fuck re: peanut gallery.

@yoursilverlining: Sucj a sweet pic! But did you say 32 lbs?? My 16 month old is almost 30

@MrsBrewer: @Mrs. Oreo: @Kemma: @LCTBQE: Thanks for the support guys!
@wrkbrk: yeah; she's small! A couple friends who commented that they couldn't believe I still wear her have like 50 lb 4 year olds - which is a totally different ballgame lol

Where to begin, so so many things lol.

My MIL and just about everyone else around here give me grief becuase my 16mo is still rear facing. HA! They're going to get a rude awakening when he's 4 and still facing that way. Honestly unless youve been in 4 auto accidents, 2 of which you would have died without a seat belt, you don't get to say shit to me about car safety.
My friends shame me because DS still uses a bottle and won't use a sippy. I've got to many battles with him going on to add that. They also gave me a Hard time becuase he wasn't holding his own bottle untill he was 14months old.
Everybody gives me crap becuase until recently he was still waking up in the MOTN for a bottle. The biggest one though, is that me and DH go to bed with DS at 8 to 8:30 every night(he co sleeps in the bed with us). People hear that and look at us like we are crazy, never mind that DH gets up at 4am for work, or that if I don't get 9 hours a night I'm slightly psychotic it's what works for our family.

My ILs shame me about sugar... In that I am too strict about it. They think I'm crazy when I tell them my 3.5 year old can't eat candy all the time or have two desserts or can't have dessert if she doesn't eat her meal. I also get a lot of side eye when I check graham crackers/granola bars or similar things for sugar content and the say they are a dessert.

The only person I can think of who has "shamed" me is my MIL. She constantly made comments about DD cosleeping/sleeping in our bedroom the first 10 weeks and would tell me I needed to put her in a separate room so I wouldn't hear her fussing.

Another thing she still shames me for at 13 weeks is going to DD too quickly to comfort her when she cries/fusses. Not at night, just in general. We were there over the weekend and had DD in her floor seat for a while and then she started getting really fussy so I moved to take her out. MIL hurried over and literally was holding her down in the seat saying, "She's fine, let her fuss, she needs to learn she can't be held all the time." Ummm she'd been in that seat for like 30 mins and was over it! I can hold her if I want to! She makes that comment all the time.

She also hates that we try to plan things so we can stick to DD's (albeit loose) schedule and says we "can't let the baby control our lives." She's given us grief about not wanting to do overnight trips with her.

And this isn't really a shaming thing, but I hate it, she'll say "Have you guys tried X with her? She really likes X." For example, singing to her, bouncing her on our laps, etc. Ummm yeah lady, she's our baby, I think we know what she likes better than you do. Drives me nuts.

Sigh. It seems constant these days. Lately I've heard second hand that we were shamed for still allowing O (17m) to have a pacifier to sleep. Honestly, night time is when all of her anxiety and the effects of her early trauma are most apparent. She's a terrible sleeper and I'm not about to make her even less secure by taking away the "ba."

We also have been accused of being "the gay couple in X town who want to steal everyone's babies." This was not an accusation by a bio parent, either, but an attorney.

What else? Ear wax in ears. Kids having colds. Kids getting croup. Kids getting bruises occasionally. Car being messy. Kids calling us mama and mommy. The list goes on and on.

Oh, and while telling my birth story (which included an epidural and other interventions), someone said to me "but its pain with purpose."

Luckily I could just roll my eyes about that one. But come on.

Nothing recently, but I have a great story from when DD was a baby. I have a couple of friends who don't have kids but who work in medicine and they think that makes them qualified to hold opinions on parenting. They made it clear they thought I was wrong for going to DD too quickly when she needed comforting all the time - this was back when she was like 3 months old - and that I needed to let her learn to self-soothe (obviously way too early, for anyone who has ready about infant development). Well they offered to babysit one evening, and we agreed to let them since by that point DD was passing out consistently at bedtime and sleeping straight through past midnight at least. We got home from dinner and found the two of them had gone into her nursery and taken turns holding her the entire night because they were so freaked out by the tiny little crying sounds she was making. The whole evening! We laughed, comforted her for a few minutes, put her down, and then the group of us enjoyed the rest of the evening hanging out watching movies together downstairs. We gave them so much shit about that, it was hilarious.