Hellobee Boards

My parents never talked to me about sex, other than to not have it until I was married and even that was vague. While I think I have a healthy and safe attitude about it, it could have backfired-- we've all see enough teen mom shows to know that. I want to have a more open conversation about that stuff, even if I'll still want this kid to wait until it's 30.

My mom really sheltered us. We weren't allowed to watch most TV and movies, and our music was strictly limited, too...even when we were teenagers.

My mom also had a hard time accepting me the way I was. Both my brothers were straight A kids, great and perfect at everything academic and loved it. I'm more a creative type, with ADD and she put a lot of pressure on me to be like my older brother. I will never do that to any kid.

I'm not a parent yet, but my mother was (and is) really bad to humiliate us in public to "teach us a lesson." That is something that I will never do to my children. If anything, being lectured/humiliated in public for some wrong/perceived wrong just made me resent her more, and the "lesson" she was trying to teach wasn't what stuck. What stuck was the hurt feelings, the resentment, and the embarrassment. To this day, our relationship isn't great, and I spend a lot of our time together trying to diffuse things. It's stressful.

My parents fought/fight in front of us. Full on yelling matches. I'm not traumatized by it or anything but I plan to never fight with DH in front of LO's.

They also spoiled us rotten, we had no concept of money or necessity..if we wanted it we got it. They paid for every dollar of my childhood, teenage years and still try and do it now into my adult life. I never realized it was a bad thing until DH, who worked his butt off for everything he had and is more understanding of how hard work = nice thing, than I probably ever will. So, sorry LO, you're going to get a job and make car payments!

My parents didn't teach me at all about finances. When I got out of college I had no idea what I could afford in terms of car payments, rent, etc. I didn't realize that on what I was making, I should've been living with roommates and buying a used car. Instead I lived on my own (thanks to my mom pushing me to move out) and leased a car. As a result I constantly had my power shut off because I couldn't pay the $20 bill, and ate microwave popcorn for dinner because I couldn't afford groceries.

I feel like my MIL made some mistakes that I'd like to avoid too - for one she let DH rack of six figures of college debt. She never talked to him about the loans he was taking on and never advised him about paying them down from his internship money. She also never made higher education a priority and her 26 year old daughter works dead end jobs, wants to be a fashion designer and needs financial help constantly.

For our kids, I'd like to teach them about what kind of lifestyle different job fields will let them afford. I will make it mandatory that they get some sort of higher education towards a viable career, and we will help them learn about budgeting.

i remember growing up and having pepsi with dinner every night! now it's an addiction i will NEVER kick, but somehow i vow not to have soda at the table with my kids - even though currently we still do, but L is still only drinking breastmilk.

@regberadaisy: that is a great one for my MIL as well. If the story isn't about SIL or her DD, my MIL doesn't give a crap about it. DH is VERY obviously not the favorite..he acts like it doesn't bother him but I know it does, hell, it bothers me and i'm not even one of her kids! SIL gets better gifts, treatment, respect, etc. They back her up on every self-centered word she says..DH is always wrong and ungrateful even though he bends over backwards to help them out with work around the house and money..meanwhile, SIL lives with them and doesn't even pay for groceries for her own kid. /RANT

@banana: My mom did this too . . . (I was also a really good kid). I totally agree with you regarding having this backfire on my mom . . . I never felt like I could talk to her about anything, even the small stuff. That carried over to my adulthood as well . . . the information I disclose to my mom is still really limited.

@MrsTiz: yup. On his hardest days when she's crazy I wish like heck that she sits home at night wondering where she went wrong. But I know she doesn't bc if she did she would not pull the same stunts over and over.

My dad worked soooooooo much and never showed affection. His way of showing love was to provide for the family.

And it might be an Asian thing but my mom used to put me down in front of family friends as a way to not show off. If someone complimented me on something, my mom would turn it around somehow to say that I'm not that good, etc.

@banana: My mom was a snoop too!

My mom was really pushy about academics. She had me studying for the SAT in elementary school when my friends were playing! I want my kids to do well but I don't want to be that pushy and naggy about it.

@Bookworm: my mom instilled this dessert after dinner thing with me and I still can't kick it! We bonded a lot over our after dinner desserts. lol But I would like my LO to not grow up to have a sweet tooth like his mama.

I definitely will not do as much take-out and junk food as my parents allowed. We had a lot of sugary cereals, soda, chips, fast food for dinner most nights. I'd like my kids to grow up eating healthier than me.

Also, my mom let me and my siblings get away with a lot of bad behavior. Especially as teens. We were all so spoiled and acted like it. I want my kid(s) to be more respectful.

My parents fought a lot. I know DH and I have our struggles, but I hope we don't fight in front of our son.

I won't yell like my mom did/still does. My dad is super calm and quiet, but we knew when he meant business. My mom, on the other hand, yells and screams to get her point across. She still does and at this point, I just walk away and leave because I refuse to let her stress me out. Usually, she gets WAY worked up over small things and refuses to listen to anyone.

@Corduroy: Oh yeah-- my mom especially was, and is, really weird about birth control and gyns in general. My little sister had horrible periods in high school and asked to go to the doctor about it. My mom felt like 'only married women' go to ob/gyns and was all upset about until my very conservative dad was like, look, if she wants to go to the doctor, take her to the doctor! She also seems to feel like only sluts would need birth control-- even at 30 and married I didn't want to tell her I was on it! Like you, I want that whole communication to be a lot more open.

One other I remembered-- my dad worked long hours and had a long commute, so most nights of my childhood, he got home after we went to bed. I know he spent those long hours at work to provide for us, and I don't hold it against him in any way at all, but I don't want that for us. If it means a smaller house with a shorter commute, or DH coming home then working again after dinner, fine, but I don't want him missing bedtime every single week night. (He doesn't want that either).

I'm not very close emotionally with my parents and I don't want any future LOs to be that way. I want them to be comfortable asking me any questions and I want to be a parent and a friend. I hid BC for *years* from them for a lot of these reasons.

I also will try to stick with the norm, when necessary - my parents always insisted I have a curfew earlier than all of my other friends which just made me defy them. If everyone else has a 10pm curfew, then my kid will too!

And, like a lot of others mentioned, the fighting. It's normal to fight, I get that. But I want any LO to know how to apologize and forgive after. My parents hardly ever apologize and it took DH pointing it out for me to realize it. I also want any LO to be affectionate - my parents aren't really and that reflects on me.

@LindsayInNY: haha! I totally hid BC from my mom forever! I started it when I was 16 and never ended up telling her I was on it. Obviously she probably figured it out when I was an adult but she has no idea when I started. The most she's ever said to me about it was last summer when there was a recall on something and she called worried about which one I was on. First mention of BC in 10 years!

I definitely feel the same and want my kids to be able to ask me/talk to me about ANYTHING.

@LindsayInNY: haha! That is so hilarious, I thought I was the only one.

@LindsayInNY: @.twist.: A doctor suspected I had endometriosis and BCP was the best treatment, so that is the only reason I could even infer to my mom that I was on the pill. But I still never talked about it to my mom-- none of my sisters do. We barely even talk about it with each other.

@Foodnerd81: @.twist.: Same! I don't talk about sex or anything with my sister either.