I am expecting twins. My husband really does not want to be in the L&D room. I am on bedrest so I can't go to any child birth classes to prepare. My Mom is willing to be there but we dont have the best relationship. Would you hire a Doula? We have the money that isn't a problem I just don't know if it is a waste of $. I am going to try for a vaginal birth as long as neither baby is breech. My midwives think I will be ok with their support but they don't stay with you the whole time. I want to make sure I have the right kind of support. What would you do?
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I'd kick my husband's butt and then hire a doula - and make him pay for her.
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I'd hire a doula. I've heard people have good experiences using one.
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Agree with @mediagirl. You poor girl! I would kill my husband. I'm going through all of that, he can be in the room with me. But if that's not a solution for you I'd get a doula.
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Are you ok with your DH not being there? If you are, than I've heard wonderful things about having a doula there and that sounds like a good option. If you would prefer your DH to be there, I'd keep talking to him about why it's important to you and see if there's a way to have him there that you'd both be comfortable with- maybe him staying up near your head.
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@Ms.SK, @mrs. bird has much more helpful information than I did.
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Honestly I should have said that I am completely fine if he doesn't want to be there. Most of my friends say in the end it was uncomfortable for them having their husbands there and they think I lucky. I only want positive energy in the room, I will have to deliver twice, you know. I want to worry about me and the babies, not other peoples emotions. Plus there may be poop- LOL.the only exception is a c section. I told him he had to be there for that because I don't want to be alone and the Doula can't come with me. Plus I told him once they are born he has to stay with them while I finish the section.
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I think if you have midwives you probably don't need a doula. If it were a delivery with OBs I would hire a doula.
Also, I know you're OK with your husband not being there but personally, I would NOT be OK with that at all. For me it's a huge shared experience, and if he didn't want to be there for delivery, I would have major questions about what his role is in the family!
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@sloaneandpuffy: it doesn't sound like either of them are comfortable with it, not that she is requesting for him to be there & he's refusing. When I was studying to teach childbirth education classes, we were told that it is a very common anxiety for women to give birth in front of their husbands and that is one of the reasons some women progress so quickly when their husbands step out briefly during labor- we've all heard the story of dad going for coffee and coming back just in time! Some women are less inhibited with the father elsewhere (most of the time they don't even realize it). It might not be right for your family, but it might be best for hers.
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I would definitely hire a doula if you aren't worried about the cost. Just paying someone to literally be BY YOUR SIDE the entire time will give you so much peace of mind. Plus you can find a doula who can physically help you with massage. And having a person to fetch nurses and midwives when you have questions or when something's happening will help sooooo much.
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@ms.sk: I second what @mediagirl has to say! But seriously - I think it is so important to have someone supporting you physically and mentally during your labor. I'd like to consider a doula myself even if my husband is in L&D.
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I would probably hire a doula as well so someone would be by my side the entire time.
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@mrs. bird: That is very interesting and I understood she was OK with it which is exactly why I prefaced my comment by saying that. Hope I was not offending anyone. Just sharing my own opinion and certainly every family is different.
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@mrs. Bird - you are on target with that example- thanks for sharing!
@mrs. Wagon I have been saving for this so it's not that I don't have the money but I also don't want to waste money. I would hire a doula because I need someone by my side, massage is great and I need a coach since I can't do any classes. When I spoke to Mom she said I sounded excited so I shouldn't think twice and just do it. But she has no experience so I am turning to all you wonderful ladies!
I actually have midwives and a doctor. Two separate practices, it's a long story. The doctor is now in the lead role with my midwives helping as well. I will have a lot of people around but not undivided attention.
The Doula does 2 visits prior to the birth to try out/pick coaching techniques and write my birth plan. Then she comes after the birth with my birth story and to check in. She will also offer lactation help if needed. All visits are 2 hours. Plus she is available by phone 24 hours 2 weeks prior to due date. She has also delivered her twins at my hospital. Does this service sound noal, not doing enough, or is she giving me some extras. I love the birth story because I want one but with twins who will have te to write one? -
@Ms.SK: I would absolutely hire a doula then! If you want to spend less, you can find an apprentice doula or a less experienced doula who will charge you much less than what a full time doula would charge because they need more births for experience. I found a few good candidates by emailing the people at DONA.org. They sent me a list of apprentice doulas that had registered with them that were in my area.
It sounds like you have a doula lined up though, perhaps through your midwives. Honestly I would just do it and not look back-- better to have peace of mind and 100% support than to regret it later on!!
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