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I read this article yesterday and I agree with you. I really hate the culture of fear that we live in now and the pressure to be fearful. When I let my kid do things that others don't or eat things on society's "Do Not Eat While Pregnant" list, people are aghast and act like I'm not doing what is absolute best for my kid. I've talked with my doctor, done research, and assessed the risks to make a decision so please stop telling me I shouldn't eat soft serve because you read it in some yahoo article.

I'm actually still fairly laid back (despite not leaving him in the car for short periods ) - I "pretend" to much more worried about some safety and cleanliness items than I really am when I'm around people I fear being judged by (like my in-laws), and DH has a much higher safety alarm than I, so we have a few arguments over being conscientious vs giving him room to learn on his own. I definitely think that my group of friends are more in the laid back camp though. I don't see a lot of over parenting.

I can't stand the media hype and paranoia with this generation's parenting! It's like people have never learned statistics. People seem completely unable to understand how infinitesimally small the risks of things happening to their child so they stress and freak out about all the time. Media fear mongering (and other peoples' judgements) certainly don't help either!

I am a very laid-back parent (my friends and family have actually commented on it – as a compliment!). I will be doing everything I can to make sure my children don't fall into this culture of fear that we've created.

We, as a society, have become scared because we care too much what other people think of us/our parenting/etc. Nobody just says "hey, fuck off and mind your own business" anymore, lol. Because nobody minds their own business! And i totally agree with the media thing. We worry about the 0.05% chance of something bad happening...

That being said, I do have some legit anxiety about losing one of my kids, because I've watched the last two generations in my family lose a child. My brother, my mom's brother, my dad's sister....every family has the one person who dies young, and there are a lot of correlations being about my kids and me and my brother, so I struggle with that irrationality that "it's going to happen to us" because "they're just like me and R".

BUT...i don't want my concerns to make it so that I raise my kids in a fearful little bubble. I grew up like that and it is no way to live.

@blackbird: I totally hear you. I struggle a lot with our three boys turning out to be like my husband and his brothers. I don't want my kids to have the relationship that their dad/uncles have. Or that, like my fathers brothers and my FIL's brothers, my kids will not care enough about me when I'm old, and I'll be left alone in a nursing home by myself until I die. Oh god. SUCH A FEAR. haha

I think there is a fine line on this issue, and people pick the side that's convenient for them at that moment.

Yesterday @.twist.: posted about her FIL giving her a hard time about car seat safety and we all strongly agreed that just because lots of us survived without car seats back in the day, that doesn't mean we shouldn't make sure they are used properly today. When we know better, we do better. My mom thinks it's insane that I won't put a blanket in the crib with a newborn, but I still won't do it, despite her thinking I'm crazy. So I think there are a number of issues where parents today are competely justified in being more cautious than previous generations may have been.

I dunno... my husband and I both had pretty free-range childhoods, and I really want my kids to grow up the same way, but at the same time I feel that I can't let them out of my sight until they're old enough to have a healthy sense of danger and be very aware of their surroundings. It's partly where you live - if it's a fairly safe neighborhood and you're on a quiet side street where kids can play outside, it's one thing, but a sketchier neighborhood is something else. Just a couple of weeks ago, DS was running half a block ahead of us and turned a corner, DH ran to catch up to him, and they came upon a mugging in progress. I was just starting to relax about letting the kid roam a little more... now I'm scared to let him get a stupid half block away.

@.twist.: I agree about media playing a huge part...like on the Internet - mom blogs posting about child sex trafficking in Target stores (although, I knew about it before the blog posts, I didn't think much of it while out alone and now I check to see if I'm being followed in the store haha)

Simple answer ... I'm scared because society is fucking horrible!

Social media, and the availability of horrible news stories (24/7) just constantly remind us of all of the dangers, and awful people who hurt kids.

I'm a nervous person by nature, so while I'm not going to let my kid go all free-range and out of my site, I will encourage her to try new things and be adventurous. I never want to crush her spirit, because *I'm* scared for her.

And I think a lot of fear is generated by people's reactions and the rise in public shaming. Now days, if someone disagrees with your parenting choice, all they have to do is take a picture and post on Facebook and they get instant feedback that they are in the right. (People shouldn't BF in public! People shouldn't let their little girls play at the beach without a top! People shouldn't feed their kids in the grocery store! And on and on.)

Or they call the cops and don't feel any accountability to step in keep an eye on the kids until the parent comes back. (Doesn't matter that the kids in the car were being supervised by their 12 year old sister, that's criminal! Doesn't matter that mom was 100 feet away in the mall and could see them, the kids were abandoned!) We've lost the village mentality.

@mrs.shinerbock: Yep and that's what I personally do now. My kiddo is a climber and I've let her have there space to explore and experience consequences of falling and found that she as a result is more confident and careful. But I guess I'm thinking of bigger things like walking to the bus stop or exploring without me being there that I think I'm okay with in theory or maybe even have a harder time with but when my kids get to that age, I'll feel differently about. For me, it's kinda like when non parents criticize about baby things. Not that you can't have an opinion but things change when it's your own kid.

I think there is a lot of ignorance involved, and ignorance breeds fear. I have the fortune (misfortune?) of knowing the legal system and CPS quite well due to my work history - most people I meet do not, and they fear things OR threaten legal action on things that are simply not true.

I agree with those who have said its media/internet driven. We have unlimited access to unlimited information 24/7, and the news that 'sells' is tragic. I've been accused of being ignorant because I rarely watch or read the news, I do it to protect my own innocene and heart, to keep myself from being paranoid and jaded, it works for me. Sure I hear about the big stories and tune in about weather events or educate myself during election season.

Reading Emily Oster 'Expecting Better' was really a game changer in the way I see myself as a person/parent. Sometimes it feels like whoever suffers the most for their child is the best parent. I don't subscribe to that. I want to live a happy life as an adult sometimes separate from my daughter and I feel that separation will make us both better. I have been reading up on free range parenting and slow parenting and it makes sense to me. Bring up Bebe also resonated with me.

Not sure where I'm going with this, but I think the article is fabulous.

@.twist.: Oh no, I wasn't trying to call you out at all. Just using your thread as an example that we may all have different lines of what's being "overly" cautious and what isn't.

I read this post on Scary Mommy yesterday on the subject of leaving your kids alone in the car for a moment while you buy something: https://www.scarymommy.com/leaving-kids-in-car-for-5-minutes-isnt-illegal-in-nj/

The NJ Supreme Court just ruled on this subject, stating that it is perfectly legal to leave your child alone in the car for five minutes.

I was curious about whether this had been discussed on Hellobee, so I searched and found a 2013 thread in which everyone piled on to say they would definitely call the cops if they ever saw kids alone in a car. It made me sad. There are definitely things that we "know better, do better" these days, like car seats, but so many other things that don't make a bit of sense to be so hyper-cautious about. I certainly spent time alone in the car as a kid and I don't fault my parents for that.

@Truth Bombs: That is hilarious. I wonder if articles like these are a sign that public opinion is shifting on this subject, even in the brief period between 2013 and 2015.