We've had more threads on the boards lately about asking SOs to do more around the house... sometimes it goes well, and sometimes it doesn't go so well.
When you talk to your SO about household chores, does it usually go well? What works best for you guys to keep the conversations positive and minimize any potential defensiveness?
kiwi / 742 posts
It never goes well. Sometimes I think he goes with "the woman should do all the cooking and cleaning" and I just can't get down with that. But when I try and get him to do anything extra he immediately complains. Now it could also be my tone, haha! But how do you nicely say, every day, I don't want to clean your beard hairs and toothpaste spiddle out of the sink 
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
It always goes well. I just tell him when or where I need help and he helps! (The same goes for him asking me for help).
eggplant / 11716 posts
usually it goes well....but not if either one of us approaches it in the wrong way. It's so hard not to blame the other person when the house is a mess, you're both exhausted, but you each feel like you "do everything". But I'm definitely learning that nothing will come out of that kind of approach.
cherry / 216 posts
I'll usually ask for help with something and he'll do it, or if he notices the floor needs to be vacuumed he'll just do it.
I've learned to be appreciative of his help, and not micromanage the way he goes about things. It'll one less thing I have to do even if it wasn't done how I would have done it.
papaya / 10473 posts
Yes. We share duties really well, and neither of us keeps score if the other forgets to do something. After the baby was born he didn't pick up my slack, but it was honestly because he didn't realize what chores I always take care of. Once I told him it was fine!
clementine / 797 posts
Thankfully it always goes well. DH is always willing to help but has told me before he often doesn't know what to do, so he doesn't mind my telling him what chores need to be done. He's a wee bit oblivious to dirt and grime.
coconut / 8079 posts
If it doesn't go well its only because I am the one who gets defensive!! DH does a lot around the house and I'm just overly sensitive when we talk about things that need to be done. I just need to remember that he loves me even with my lack of organization!
coconut / 8079 posts
@pointeshoestutus my DH is exactly the same! "oblivious to dirt & grime" but always willing to help if I tell him what needs done. I'm just not good at asking!
grapefruit / 4800 posts
It goes medium. He's really great about helping out when he can, especially when I ask for something. But neither of us are overly organized people in our pre-baby life but as our lives have gotten busier and house projects are going on with a toddler it's really become more of a necessity. So with creating good habits it takes me having to give A LOT of reminders.
kiwi / 673 posts
It rarely goes well for us. Before LO, I did the majority of household chores and I honestly didn't mind. I would work full time then come home and make dinner and start my tasks for the night. I like a clean house and I never minded doing it myself. Then LO came along and I'm realizing that I spoiled DH all these years and he's gotten very used to not having to do anything around the house. Household balance is a very touchy subject for us right now. I feel like a nag for constantly asking him to do things and he has (in my opinion) a crappy attitude when I do ask. We need a lot of help in this department...
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
Sort of? At some point I realized that DH will never take the initiative in helping with chores unless the place is just gross, but that he's very willing to do whatever I specifically ask of him. It makes me feel like his mother sometimes, but that's better than me being resentful that I'm doing everything, all of the time.
kiwi / 520 posts
Prior convos not so well but we're working on it. I've been asking DH to work on initiative and just putting stuff back where they belong to prevent our messes from getting out of hand. It's hard because I'm not perfect by any means but I'm trying to be better on my end in hopes that he will follow suit. He comes from a very messy house so it's definitely hard to break his lifelong bad habits. I try to not use words like "you" or "I" when I bring it up so he doesn't get defensive and shut me out.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
Always! It usually starts with him saying "what can I do to help you?"
pomegranate / 3759 posts
Yep it goes good. House renovations on the other hand.....always a fight!
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts
@FutureMrsMcK: same here... honestly though it really annoys me!
nectarine / 2765 posts
Thankfully it always goes well...he's very helpful around the house & I think both of us want to help/make the others life easier by helping the other.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
It goes well. There are certain things that he'll always remember to do and for other things, I ask and he does them. Also, I try not to accuse or say "you always" and I try not to demand things now. It's more like "Can you vacuum sometime this weekend?" Plus, it's not like I'm a neat freak and he's a slob. We're both capable of letting things slide.
coconut / 8475 posts
YES. He responds well to specific requests or just reminders. I hate to have to ask sometimes and I hate reminding him (wish he would just know what to do), but I'm glad he responds well when I bring it up. I've learned that he will never be that guy who just does things around the house without being reminded and/or asked.
coconut / 8475 posts
@anonysquire: I'm assuming the discussion doesn't go well with the cats either?
cantaloupe / 6923 posts
@TurtleDoves: always out to get my cats eh? Jk! No he has been taking the litter box out since he moved in more than a year ago 
the whole time we were TTc I was able to convince him this is probably the month so he better take out the litter cause I'm probably pregnant... And now that I am he has to do it anyways. I manage to feed them
nectarine / 2631 posts
Not really. I mean he will do things, I just have to ask him- which annoys the crap outta me! Take the initiative and just do it yourself, why do I have to remind/ ask you! It's always the same things too- dishwasher, puppy stuff, etc. I don't want to have to nag or tell him to do things, it just takes more time and I feel like his mom!
pear / 1609 posts
Not usually. But now that I'm a SAHM I don't mind doing 99% of the chores. One big pet peeve of mine was DH would take his socks off and always leave them in the living room. Ever since we had DS he almost always picks them up. And I am so happy for that. I don't know why but used socks skeeve me out and I'm glad the sock fight is over
cantaloupe / 6171 posts
it used to be a lot harder, but somewhere around the 2 year mark of living together, he had me make a list of what needs to be done and how often, and it's been better ever since--he takes a lot of initiative on his own now, without me nagging. there will still sometimes be bickering, but we mostly go on autopilot now
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