We are TTC #2 after a m/c in July and I'm starting to have second thoughts? LO is almost 2.5, sleeps well, DH and I have time to ourselves... I just don't know if I can do the newborn stuff again 
I'm trying to take the 5-10-15 year long view, but how horrible is this going to be? 
ETA: My first LO was HORRIBLE (colic, reflux, didn't STTN until 10 months old even with sleep training), PPD, etc. So I think I have a little PTSD when thinking about a second.
46 votes
pomelo / 5660 posts
I thought 0 to 1 was tough. TBH, I'm scared of going 2 to 3 kids with only a 16 or 17 month age gap. My only saving grace is that my 3 year old is in full time preschool and DD will be starting daycare around the time the baby is born. My husband works a TON and I solo parent a lot. The thought of solo parenting 3 scares me.
honeydew / 7235 posts
I'll be able to tell you shortly.... I'm awaiting baby #2 (who is now 4 days late) - but I've had a lot of similar feelings to you. LO will be 3 end of October and life was getting back to 'normal' - we had alone time, etc etc - so while we knew we wanted two, we are both a little terrified for the next few years! We are still psyched for #2 obviously, but just know the realities of how tough things will be for a little while, but when you do try to look at the big picture, it's such a short time, and i'm pretty pumped to snuggle a newborn again 
pineapple / 12566 posts
0-1 was much harder.
My first LO was a very high needs baby who never slept and had BF issues, so the newborn stage was very tough and he didn't become easy until he turned 1. Added to that, just general FTM inexperience. LO2 was the easiest baby ever, so I may have had a different answer if I had her 1st!
pomelo / 5660 posts
I'll caveat my response by saying DD has been an amazing baby. She started STTN at 2 months, she has amazing temperament, etc. She's a total unicorn baby. DS was a NICU baby and spent 10 days in NICU, he was easy baby but I worried about him more since he was born earlier (34 weeks vs. 36 weeks and change)
pomegranate / 3858 posts
@JoJoGirl: I had the same thoughts as you when we were TCC for #2. LO slept well, we had a good schedule, we can put her to bed and then still have time in the evening to get a few things done and have time to ourselves. Why rock the boat? I guess we'll see what happens in May I'm 5 weeks pregnant now.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
0--1 times a hundred thousand.
1-->2 is busy, but a piece of cake in comparison The hardest part for the longest time was nursing and making sure E didn't come over and startle T (or straight up smack him) so he'd pull and clamp down
pear / 1961 posts
I think 1-2 was both way easier, and I was much better prepared/knew what to expect. I prepped for the worst case scenarios, even though LO1 was not at all a bad pregnancy/delivery/baby -- but I had an idea of what "could" happen (and that it would be normal!). Almost everything about LO2 has been easier, and the transition was pretty simple.
Actually, I'd say it's harder now (LO2 is 10 months) than it was early on because they are starting to interact more!
honeydew / 7917 posts
Having my first was the hardest. So much to learn as a first time parent, and I struggled on a daily basis. It didn't help that I EP'ed and SAH. I was going crazy! Transitioning from a family of 3 to 4 was super easy. Even with breastfeeding being totally new to me, I was able to handle caring for an infant so much better. The most difficult thing is finding balance between the two kids and giving LO1 the attention he needed during that transition.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Zero to one was harder! No one can prep you for the first time mom thing, easy or hard baby, the transition is like a slap in the face compared to no kids!
This time around I've been lucky with a super easy pp recovery, chill and flexible baby and a toddler who is still in the honeymoon stage of loving his baby bro! Honestly with your age gap I think your toddler will be more helpful and understanding since they can communicate with you and vice Versa!!
The sleep deprivation this time around isn't as bad as first time newborn experience!
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
@mrsjyw: I think the sleep deprivation is the thing that scares me the most!! LO hasn't woken up in the MOTN in what, a year??
pomelo / 5660 posts
@JoJoGirl: My son was 2.5 when DD was born and he LOOOVES her. This morning I had to run upstairs and grab something before I took DS to school. When I came back he was giving Darcy her sippy cup of water. He looked at me and cheerfully said "I'm helping baby sister." There love melts my heart. 
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
@BandDmommy: That's what does it If I hadn't m/c they'd have been exactly 3 years apart. Now it's likely to be closer to 4, which is bigger than I'd wanted, but here we are. Hope she'll still be as open to the idea.
pomelo / 5660 posts
@JoJoGirl: I think 4 is still a good age gap. I will have a little less than 4 year age gap between DS and baby I'm pregnant with now. It's nice that they are older because they are independent and can help you.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
@JoJoGirl: ds1 sttn at an early age and they're 2.5 years apart! I thought I'd be hit with the deprivation and honestly it hasn't been bad. I've done night duty alone since ds2's birth and I've been more productive and energized because my body is already used to surviving on less sleep! Ds2 is turning out to be a pretty chill sleeper too so in that regard I know I am super super lucky, but in general the short increments of sleep haven't worn on me like the first time. And back then dh had a longer leave and did some of the motn wakes and my mom would come over to do motn wake ups too sometimes to give me a break!
pomegranate / 3275 posts
I found 0 to 1 was hardest, but 1 to 2 was surprisingly difficult (I know, not what you wanted to hear), BUT 2 to 3 was EASY. Like, hardly noticeable. The biggest trick to 1 to 2 is learning how to split your attention and knowing that sometimes someone might have to cry. However, with a 4 year age gap I would imagine you'll have a MUCH easier time than I did (mine are all about 23 months apart)
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
@mrsjyw: @BandDmommy: Thanks.
We'll actually have MORE help this time around because we've since moved into a bigger house with a guest room, so my mom will likely be visiting a lot more.
pomegranate / 3565 posts
@BandDmommy: right there with you! I'll have 3 under 4 for a few months but my second two will have a 2 year age gap. My husband works a shift schedule so it's often just me at night. I worry but I know we'll make it through. My mom is going to move in with us (not because of #3 but to help her out) so at least I'll have another adult in the house. But honestly most times the kids just want me at night.
@JoJoGirl: going from 0-1 was hard! Going from 1-2 was a breeze compared to that. Neither one of my kids was hard really. It's just such a shock to your system at 1st. You've been through it all before and know that it will pass. And seeing your kids together is the best thing ever!
pear / 1849 posts
My first was a lot like yours - horrible colic, screamed 24/7 for the first 3 months - so 0 to 1 was an awful transition. We wondered what we had done to ourselves for months:( My second is 4 months now and she's an angel baby - just goes with the flow and literally never cries. So 1 to 2 has been a pretty easy transition. Not to say there aren't difficult days, but after the horrible transition from 0 to 1, this one has been a joy! And it certainly helps in the hard moments to see the love between DS and DD - they adore each other
pomegranate / 3565 posts
@JoJoGirl: I found my body reacted to the sleep deprivation way better the second time. It wasn't as big a shock.
persimmon / 1361 posts
That first kid rocks your world. The second is a much easier transition. You have experience on your side and you've already adjusted your life to include a child (few dinners out, etc). I'd say having 2 is more of a slow burn not the life-changing hit by a truck kind of thing that baby number 1 is. Does that make you feel better or worse?
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
@JoJoGirl: sleep deprivation has been weirdly NBD, like @Mamasig: said. I'm still sort of surprised I don't feel like total utter shit all day, every day, even when T gets up all the damn time.
pomelo / 5573 posts
This is making me feel better! I'm 15 weeks pregnant with #2 and have been having all these same thoughts - we've got a good routine down, everybody gets to sleep through the night, my son is getting to the age where he'll entertain himself for a half hour as long as we're in the room...what am I thinking rocking the boat? But I had the same thoughts when I got pregnant with #1 (even though I'd spent 5 years trying to do just that) and he's been the best decision I ever made, so hopefully this will turn out as well.
pomegranate / 3411 posts
@tinyperson: what?! how random i opened this thread and saw this!! congratulations!!!
@JoJoGirl: my #2 is not here yet, but i feel like it won't be as hard as #1. When you go from 0-1, your whole life changes, in big and little ways that you could never expect or anticipate. I feel like adding another will be tough in many ways, but it won't be a total shock and uproot to my whole life as I know it - if that makes sense.
pineapple / 12793 posts
@tinyperson: what?! Congrats!!!
0-1 was harder, but not that bad. 1-2 was a cinch. Worried about 2-3 though. Three under three is no joke.
coconut / 8472 posts
No experience yet myself, but when I was pregnant a guy at work with 4(!) kids said nothing was as hard as 0-1.
grapefruit / 4903 posts
0-1 was a million times harder for me. I trusted myself a lot more the second time and was generally more skilled as a mother. We were already used to the lifestyle changes that came with our first and had a wider network of parent friends. Plus, my second baby was SO much easier than my first! I think expectations had something to do with it too. I'm one of five, and my mom had always said 1-2 was her hardest transition, so I expected it to be really hard. I was pleasantly surprised!
pomegranate / 3401 posts
1-2 for sure. My first was the easiest baby ever.....slept when required, ate well, great attitude. We could take her everywhere and anywhere and everyone always complimented us on her good nature! My second on the other hand is a super high needs baby who needs to be held all the time, cries all the time, doesn't sleep, etc, etc. Combine that with my now crazy 2.5 year old....oy....life is challenging sometimes!
pomegranate / 3858 posts
@californiadreams: @oliviaoblivia: Thanks heading to family dr. tomorrow morning for a blood test, but the million tests I've taken say positive!
hostess / papaya / 10219 posts
I have heard from many couples that 0-1 was harder for mom and 1-2 was harder for dad. Not sure why but maybe it's because more responsibility starts to fall on dad now because mom is with the baby.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
0-1 was ROUGH. And I had an easy baby and it was still soooo hard! Everything felt enormously more challenging!
1-2 was a breeze in comparison! The sleep deprivation doesn't hit you NEARLY as hard and you already know what you're doing with a newborn, so everything just feels so much easier. You're just BUSIER because you have two to take care of, but difficulty-wise, it's not bad at all!
pomegranate / 3127 posts
@Ginabean3: hi! I'm sorry you're dealing with that too. Same here - DS was such an easy baby compared to DD, and she's so high needs! Poor DS is getting the short end of the stick - I was planning to pull him out of day care for a couple of days by now and do fun stuff together, but I can't put DD down or get her to sleep, so it's not happening. So for us the 1-2 transition was way worse despite having more experience with babies.
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
I guess the nature of the babies probably impacts it too. I cannot even IMAGINE having an easygoing LO1 and a colicky/high-needs LO2. I guess maybe I should feel grateful for a horrible LO1 so really, everything will seem easy in comparison with LO2.
grapefruit / 4006 posts
0 to 1 was so much harder because i had no idea what i was getting myself into and i mourned the loss of the life that i had. That adjustment was brutal. 1 to 2 is easy peasy...and my 2nd is not a good sleeper while my 1st was and i still think its way way easier.
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