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Theirs. Sorry but getting out and about with kids is hard! It's easier for them to come, since they probably don't have as strict a schedule as someone with kids.

Not saying you should NEVER go, of course you should go to them, but they should understand how difficult it is.

I think it is the responsibility of both parties to work it out.

I think that both parties should make an effort, but in this case, your effort is inviting them over and making everyone dinner! Showing up is their part, but obviously they haven't figured that out.

Theirs. If they want to see their grandkids so much, they need to make an effort to do so!

That being said, I do think parents need to be open and willing to work with them. But you're already doing that by inviting them over and offering dinner! So the fact that they don't see your kids enough if their fault, not yours!

@Beyond2: I am sure there is more to the scenario that you've written, but think about it from their perspective...after a long day of work, do you really want to get in the car and drive for a dinner? I know I wouldn't and frankly, I do not schedule activities during the work week, it is just to hectic and everyone is grumpy.

Have you told your inlaws that your kid gets car sick and suggested they stay home? Did they refuse? If so, then that's a totally different story. But I don't think you can just sit back and say that you put an offer on the table and if they can't make it on your schedule, that's the end of the effort. I realize I am different than a lot of posters in this regard.

@Beyond2: I think in your situation, they should come see you.

Both my mom and my inlaws live far away, and we take turn planning trips to see each other (involving taking vacation time, buying flights or planning long road trips, etc)

I told my parents and ILs what we could do (annual trip to ILs, every other month to my parents) and have extended numerous invitations for them to come visit. I do my best and feel no guilt.

I agree both parties are equally responsible, but after reading your story, looks like the fault is theirs. You make a good point they don't have to go to the cabin every weekend! Skipping one weekend wouldn't kill them! And you offer to make dinner if they do come over. That's a very generous offer given you have your own stuff to care for and cooking dinner is a feat in itself, nevermind guests!

I think the issue here is that they are the ones complaining and guilt tripping you. I can totally understand if after a long day of working they don't want to drive to your house for dinner, they want to go home and relax, and that's fine. But they don't get to then turn around and complain that they never get to see their grandchildren, when they are only willing to see them when it's convenient to their schedule and preferences.

@Beyond2: I think what you've written is fair, don't get me wrong. It just seems like you've kind of made up your mind and your inlaws have made up their minds, so you're at an impasse. I personally wouldn't be able to just leave it as it is, but that's me. I feel as though I have to make the effort for my son, he can't just get in the car or on a plane, so I have to make the arrangements. Don't get me wrong here, I would much rather stay home, but for now, I do it this way.

I personally don't subscribe to the idea that you have to visit as a family all of the time, I used to go and stay at my inlaw's home with my son for a few days and my husband would join us on the weekend.

Again, I realize I am different in this regard and a lot of people are not comfortable with these actions.

And oh, I think it gets easier when you can actually do an activity, like go to the zoo, a museum, etc. This way, you both travel, you're both out of each other's houses, and you're actually doing something.

@looch: +1.

I think it's both parties responsibility. You can't say you think it's important for your LOs to have a relationship with the grandparents and not make an effort beyond anything that is convenient for you.
And they can't complain they never see the grand babies and never make an extra effort.

If both parties think it's the others responsibility then the only ones that suffer are the kids.

We invite the ILs over for dinner every Sunday. Every now and then they make dinner and invite us over during the week. They understand LO's bedtime so dinner is usually ready by the time we get there after work.

My mom lives 7 hours away. We make the trip every few months. It's only a weekend trip and it's crazy tiring but it's important. She also comes up a few times year too and we try to face time weekly.

If your after work schedule doesn't work then I think the ILs should at least come back early on Sunday for dinner. Or if they leave Saturday for the cabin maybe meet for breakfast? Would they be willing to do that at least once a month?

I think both parties should be willing to do whatever is easier and least unsettling for the kids.

Both parties.

I think it's always the responsibility of both parties (if there are grandkids or not).

I live an hour and a half from the rest of my family, and with the exception of my mom, no one makes an effort to come see me. I've gotten used to it and accepted it, but to me, it's just not "fair"

I know it's easier for me to go see them because I don't have kids, but even once I do, I can see this trend continuing and my kids won't have a very close relationship with their cousins because their cousins will rarely come see them.

My brother hasn't been to see me since I graduated from college...12 years ago (with the exception of a few nights he crashed at my house when his son was in the children's hospital here. But I don't think that really counts since it was a favor and not an actual effort)

@Beyond2: Honestly, I feel like your situation is unique if you own a farm. My grandparents on both sides were farmers (dairy farmers though) and farming is long work, can't wait (animals have to be fed and cared for every single day), there are no vacations.

I would just stop feeling guilty. You've opened your home to them and asked them to come and offered to make dinner. With 2 babies, two bedtimes and in laws who don't get off work till 5:30 and who are gone every weekend---they aren't making it easy for you, so tough cookies for them.

My LO goes down at 6:30 these days and 5:30-6:30 is solids, bath, and bedtime routine and there's no way I would drive to someone else's house far away during that time frame.

In these early years, they can either make the drive to you or happily stay home and not guilt trip you.

One further thing: make sure you aren't taking their comments too personally. They might be perfectly content with the situation and not think it's worth it to come see your kids every week when they have busy schedules and might be throwing off a polite, "Oh, we wish we could see them more often" comment. I do that all the time..."Oh, I really wish I could be there, but I have a baby who goes to bed and I can't make it. I hate that we can't see you more often though!" even though, truthfully, I don't have the time or energy to see anyone or do anything 9 days out of 10.

Both parties, we make it a point on weekends to see at least one set of grandparents, but they both come in and visit as well. We are family people though and like to spend as much time together as possible.

Both. ILs live 15-20 min away. My parents live 10 min away.

They both come over to our place more often to see DS than we go to their places (which we also do and don't mind doing!) because they're so diligent about making plans with us to see him!