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I think the option of child-free is def attractive at times when you think about all the $ you save, all the traveling you can do, the nicer things you can afford, etc... Haha. I don't even have a good answer for why I want kids! It's just because! Sometimes we joke and say that it's because we want someone to take care of us when we're old

I never really wanted children. Before marriage, and after marriage, that opinion didn't change. I thought about it a lot, and wondered whether I would regret it down the line. Even if I don't want children now, will I regret it when I'm 60? Most people who have children don't regret having them. I'm sure there are some that do regret having kids, but most do not.

I just picked the choice that I thought I'd regret the least. I kept trying to picture what I want to see in my future. When I'm 60, and at the dinner table, do I want to see just myself and my husband, or do we want to see something else? When we go on vacation, will I want to see someone else in our pictures? We have a wonderful life, and we want to share it with our LO.

We have both always loved children. In high school/early college my boyfriend (only serious relationship before DH) actually was really opposed to having children, so for over a year I pictured my life without them. There definitely would have been a lot of benefits to not having children--logically, travel-wise, economically, etc.--but not emotionally. As soon as I broke up with that boyfriend and came to my senses I remembered how much I loved kids. I grew up babysitting, working with kids at church, and am now a teacher and in Christian Education. I like kids more than I do most adults So does my husband--he was always the one playing with his younger cousins while the adults went off and watched sports or whatever at family gatherings, and he's great with kids. And I don't think we could have ever been fully content just working with/playing with other people's kids--we would have really wanted that child of our own to raise, to call us mommy and daddy, and to see the other as a parent. We definitely would have adopted or tried having a child through other means if we would have struggled with fertility.

That being said, now that we are parents we are perfectly content with one child: we don't think having more children by definition makes us anymore of parents, and having only one child gives us more of a balance to still pursue our own interests, careers, etc. while still dedicating a lot of time, energy, and love to our child. Definitely not as much time as if we never would have had kids, though!

The idea of being childfree has honestly never crossed my mind. I've always wanted to be a mom (typical answer haha)... my whole life, I've dreamed about being a mom.

We seriously considered being CBC. Read websites, bought books, etc. Then we started talking about having one child - our hope being that we could kind of have the best of both worlds. Have a little family but still have a wee bit more freedom, two busy careers, and some money. Ha. We'll see in the fall if it works out that way.

Oh, just doing what comes naturally

Seriously though, I wanted to be a mom since I was like five and it's been a part of every big decision I made. And DH is a born teacher and really good with kids (well, maybe not toddlers, but no one's perfect!) But we've both had times when we did our best to make peace with never having kids - because of my crappy genes that I pray I never pass on to anyone, because it took us so long to find each other, because we didn't know if we even could...

So why? Because we want the best of each other to live on in our kids. Because we want to share what we love with them. Because one day the crying baby/tantrumy toddler/mean teenager will grow up, and will I'm sure be an amazing person.

@wrkbrk: I found this to be the case, so much so that I'd decided I didn't want any more! My husband really did, so we're having another. But I do think that having just one child can be sort of 'parenting lite', where your life can still be very flexible and such.

@wrkbrk: @sarac: I'm glad I'm not the only one who views having one child as a compromise in this way. Now, I'm not at all saying that having only one child is super-easy--especially if that child is challenging! But for me, it is a "best of both worlds" scenario. With just one child we're able to still focus on our careers, save more for travel, afford daycare, be intentional parents but also have time for hobbies, etc. And when our daughter ventures into the world, we'll be free to do the pre-kid things we didn't get a chance to do since we had her young, instead of raising a younger child or multiple younger children (in an ideal world, of course: there may be circumstances beyond our control that mean she lives with us longer or into adulthood such as disability, and there are no guarantees). I would never call having one child "parenting lite" to other one and done parents because I know that's not all of their experience and I respect that it's very difficult for some of them with one child, but for us there's definitely a level of flexibility and two-parents-on-one-kid we wouldn't have with more than one child.

@wrkbrk: @ILoveLettie: we called two "no joke" then three is where "shit just got real!"

One is a very sane option!

I don't think there is any reason to have kids that isn't totally selfish. CBC peeps get the "selfish" label all the time, but really, I've yet to find a reason to have kids that isn't selfish. But selfish isn't always a bad thing. DH and I were undecided about children before LO, and were totally happy and fulfilled being child-free. I'm almost 34 and have never felt my bio-clock tick haha. Of course, now we can't imagine life without LO, but we have no desire (for now, can't see the future) to have another. So, I don't know why we had a kid, but I love having her!

It was something I didn't want to NOT do. When my Grampa passed away, we were very close, and I just felt that I wanted to make more family. I felt it was what mattered and how I wanted to live my life and who I wanted to be remembered by.

The Atlantic just published an interesting article yesterday that made me think of this thread -- http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/04/why-women-arent-having-children/390765/#disqus_thread

"As a compilation of writing, Shallow, Selfish, and Self-Absorbed is generally very strong, bringing together a diverse range of voices and styles to riff entertainingly on a subject that has seemed, up until now, unriffable. But as a collection of manifestos, it’s hugely significant. It won’t influence anyone hell-bent on children away from having them, nor will it dissuade people who feel eternally conflicted about the subject. But what it does, more crucially, is refuse to accept the perpetuation of the myths that have surrounded childbirth for the last 200 years—that women have a biological need to procreate, and that having children is the single most significant thing a person can do with his or her life, and that not having children leaves people sad and empty. Try telling that to Oprah Winfrey, or Ellen DeGeneres, or Jane Austen, or Queen Elizabeth I. Or George Washington, or Nikola Tesla. The argument that lingers after having read the book is that the sooner having children is approached from a rational standpoint rather than an emotional one, the better for humanity, even if the result is that there are slightly fewer people left to enjoy it."

@yoursilverlining: couldn't agree with you more that being child free is often the less selfish option!!

@Greentea: while having children certainly involves sacrifices, they are sacrifices we choose to make because we choose to have children. The children didn't ask to be born, we wanted to kids so we had them, totally a selfish choice. Just look at your reasons above "how I wanted to live my life and who I wanted to be remembered by".... All things driven by the wants of the parent. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, but choosing to have children is almost always a selfish choice since we do it because we want to.

I am another "always wanted to be a mom". I just felt that is what I was supposed to do. Always loved kids and looked forward to my own.

@yoursilverlining: @Greentea: I agree that having children is no more or less selfish than not. Yes, I think I'm a good mom and we are providing our child(ren) with a good life, and yes I have made sacrifices for that. And I hope my children make the world a better place. But am I so full of myself that I think the world would really be missing out if we didn't have kids? Not really. We have kids because we wanted to have kids and have a family. I make sacrifices but it was my choice to have children. Does that make sense?

@Truth Bombs: the question was "why do you want kids," I was answering the question- so obviously my response to that original question described things driven by the wants of the parent; on a site for people who have children. I am not comparing CFBC vs. having children. In my experience, having children is selfless.

@Truth Bombs: agree with what you said.

@Greentea: I guess I see "deciding to become a parent" and "how you actually parent" as two separate things. Once you become a parent, you will hopefully be pretty selfless most of the time. I agree with you that most parents are - the good ones at least! But getting to that point - the "why you have kids" in the first place, I don't see any reasons to have kids that are selfless. Unless you know with absolute certainty that your kid will like cure cancer and is the only one who ever could, but you'll die in childbirth having them, and you decide to have that kid anyway, yeah, that's pretty selfless to have that kid then. But to have kids just because you want to have kids, or to create a legacy for yourself, or to have a piece of your partner in another person, meh, pretty selfish reasons because they are all centered on your wants. Selfish doesn't have to be super negative though (it's often good to be selfish!), and is no reflection on how you actually parent once you get there.

ETA: I know I'm probably over-thinking this, but I have a lot of friends who are CFBC and they *all* have gotten told how "selfish" they are, which has always baffled me since I see it the opposite way!

When I was younger, I wasn't sure about having kids, although it was always vaguely there in my mind that I'd probably have them. I didn't really feel any strong desire or urgency about it though, even after DH and I got married. Then I lost my mom and I suddenly felt like I had a hole in my heart that only a child could fill. We still waited several years after that to TTC, but the feeling never went away. I think that losing my mom made me realize what a precious thing a parent-child relationship can be. Now that we have one LO, we love her so much that we want another.

Dh and I had this discussion while we were dating and both of us wanted to have kids and when that time came, baby fever hit like woah! I'm with the consensus that while parenthood can be and is a very humbling and selfless experience, the decision to procreate is most often a selfish one.

I could have been happy w a CBC life for different reasons but my life now definitely is unimaginable without ds1 and soon to be here ds2.