We'll do time outs and etc., but sometimes I think a good spanking is necessary.
Nothing that'll leave a mark on my kids' bodies, but just hard enough to sting.
Ps. My dad spanked us.. it's the old school Korean way.
We'll do time outs and etc., but sometimes I think a good spanking is necessary.
Nothing that'll leave a mark on my kids' bodies, but just hard enough to sting.
Ps. My dad spanked us.. it's the old school Korean way.
113 votes
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
No spanking for us. DH and I weren't spanked, and we won't do it to our kids.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
Yep. I remember the times I got spanked and they taught me my lesson.
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
Being a pre-k teacher, clearly I can't spank the kids in my class, so we are creative when it comes to behavior management. Time-out can be a good tool for some kids, as well as positive behavior charts/rewards, and just having a conversation and explaining it in a way they can understand. DH is also a teacher (2nd grade) and schools now are really into positive behavior systems.
That being said, I think there are different things that work for different children. I was spanked, but it was only a handful of times when it was really something big. I definitely don't plan on doing it with my own kids, but something may change later, who knows.
grapefruit / 4110 posts
My philosophy is that spanking may be appropriate if the logical consequences are worse (such as running out into the street). It is also if the problem is escalating and there isn't a way to handle it.
We haven't had to do it yet.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
I was spanked and it just made me really angry... I ended up focusing on my reaction/feelings, rather than feeling bad about whatever it was that I had done.
coconut / 8475 posts
@brownie: 100% agree.
I got spanked twice. Once for jumping in a pool when my mom told me not to (I couldn't swim) and once for running away (I jumped out of my window and went to a friends). I was 7 & 12 respectively. I deserved it.
If my child does something to that extent, yeah they get a swat to their behind. Other than that: we will try other things. I am not really against any punishment techniques because different things work on different kids!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
Most likely we will. I was spanked pretty much every day of my childhood.
It all depends on what works for the kid too.., like my little brother did not respond well to spanking- he would laugh!!
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
I was spanked in the rare occasion I was bad. My dad was a softy though. Wagon Sr. was beat the good ol Korean way.
We have had great results with Time Outs so far, but I wouldn't rule out spanking in the future. I hope my kids take after me and are just angelic and perfect so I never have to. Haha.
cantaloupe / 6610 posts
I was spanked and always assumed I'd do the same but my daughter is sooooooooo sweet at 5.5 months that it's hard to imagine! I know...Just wait:)
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@lilteacherbee: yeah it was kind of a charm because then my mom couldn't help but laugh too and he'd always get his way out of it!! Curse of the younger siblings
coconut / 8305 posts
We spank & I've used that as our primary source of discipline since DS was aware of simple rules & directions.
Here's our "breakdown" that I posted on another thread:
We spank for direct rebellion... ONLY! Not because we're frustrated or b/c DS is frustrated.. but only for breaking a house rule or deliberately not following instruction. We both do the spanking, but if DH is home then he fulfills the authoritative role as head of the house. For P, we pop her hand to ward off dangerous situations & when she's deliberately rebelling.
We have 3 house rules and have them posted in every room of the house and on the stairs. Because DS is fully aware of the rules and is constantly reminded of them by the posts, he does not get "warnings", but does get the occasional reminder to check the post on the wall.
Rules:
1. No arguing or talking back -
Because if you argue with me & cannot respect me then you will argue with your teachers or anyone else that may be an authority.
Now DH and I are very much so "explaining" kind of parents so we don't pull the "because I said so"... since we don't pull that and we always give explanation we do not accept arguing a point at all.
2. No throwing fits -
We don't throw fits when we don't get our way and neither will you. It's okay to be upset but there are other ways to express your issue
3. No lying -
We can help you with anything, but if you cannot be trusted then we cannot back you up.
Otherwise there really isn't much else that would/has come up that we've spanked for... I think DS directly going against me asking him to do something a couple of times, but not many.
When we do spank, we always tell him WHY he's getting a spanking and then talk it out after he get's it... I'm am absolutely against isolation so we don't spank & then leave him to "think about it"... rather we talk it out till he calms down, we hug, and we get back to the day.
We'll keep this same thing for P & our future kids, but will add
"No fighting with your siblings" to the list... because if you can't get along with your siblings you won't get along with your classmates, or later your co-workers
We seriously very rarely have to spank DS though and I don't think I can even remember the last time we did... maybe 4mths ago or so... I've never had problems with him at school and everyone has always raved about his behavior. It works for us and I've seen it work for the girls that come into our "home for women" that have dealt with all kinds of issues with the children.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
I don't plan on it but didn't want to rule it our either. DH and I had a discussion about it and he is very against spanking. As in, there would be a huge fight, so I might have to let him have this one.
eggplant / 11716 posts
I said yes, but I'm not sure if we actually will. Both of us were spanked, but not often. Like...it certainly wasn't the normal punishment. I can actually only remember being spanked once, although it may have happened more when I was young.
But I wouldn't totally take it off the table. i work with kids, and although we obviously don't do any kind of corporal punishment, I've seen a few kids that could probably use it, because the school will try everrrrry other method and nothing will work. Time outs, taking away things, extra work, counseling session, meetings with kid/parent/teacher, extra rewards, behavior chart....when you've tried all these and nothing sinks in to the kid...it makes an occasional swift spanking a lot more appealing.
pomegranate / 3759 posts
If its spur of the moment and something that just needs to 'knock' a little sense and pull them out of their state of mind, then yes. It will never be, ok come over here so I can spank you, kind of thing.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
There's a very good body of evidence accrued now to say that spanking is not effective and is demeaning. It's not part of our discipline plan.
clementine / 824 posts
I don't think we will. I don't really remember being spanked as a child. Our punishments were typically things like writing "essays" on respect (if we were disrespectful) and so on. Kinda weird, but it worked. My parents still have some of our work too!
coconut / 8498 posts
We probably will at some point, but it will be rare. Our plan now is to discipline each child according to what works for them.
cantaloupe / 6017 posts
No, I don't want violence to be in any way condoned in my family. I wasn't spanked, and neither was my husband.
grapefruit / 4800 posts
I don't plan to spank, I don't see it as effective. I had a similar reaction as Mr. Bee, it just made me angry and made me not have respect for my parents and lie to them. But I probably will swat away a hand from a hot stove and if there's something severely dangerous - like darting across the road - I haven't ruled it out.
pomelo / 5789 posts
I strongly disagree with spanking. SO is pro spanking.
I feel like there are much more effective forms of discipline and that spanking is demeaning and makes a child angry.
Our LO is 5 mo though so we'll review once discipline is necessary.
pomelo / 5093 posts
I think that spanking is unacceptable, and wish that it were illegal here like it is in a lot of other countries.
eggplant / 11287 posts
@Mrs. Pen: omg.....you were spanked a lot!! Were you a bad kid?
We will spank occasionally....only for really big stuff. I remember i once lied to my parents about wearing my seat belt and drove in the car 2 hours without wearing it. When we got home and my parents found out, i got a spanking. Looking back, i can see why they did that.
pineapple / 12234 posts
I was as a child and I thought it was humiliating. However, I think as a very LAST resort, we will spank. DS ran out into the street awhile ago and DH gave him a spanking basically to say "you'll remember to never do that again". So far we have spanked three times, DS is 4.
I use positive reinforcement, time-outs and consistency with our discipline routine for the most part.
grapefruit / 4819 posts
@TurtleDoves: My school of thought exactly. When a child does something super dangerous (ie jumping into a pool with no adults around, or running out into the street), I think they need a firm message right then and there that it is not an ok behaviour. And I really don't think you can reason with a 3 yr old or wait until positive reinforcement has resulted in a behaviour change when it comes to something that could see them killed.
That being said, I don't really see ourselves spanking LO; I'm hoping we can avoid these dangerous behaviours altogether, but if she does something like I mentioned above, a swat on the bottom to enforce the message is not something I would rule out. But I do agree that it is a disciplinary technique that needs to used extremely sparingly and with extreme caution.
coconut / 8681 posts
We haven't ruled it out. Like many other previous posters we will not be making spanking a daily discipline method. It would be reserved for extreme situations and would never be hard enough to leave a mark... Just enough to send a message.
clementine / 797 posts
I'm kind of conflicted. I remember being spanked a couple of times. It was effective in that I never wanted to be spanked again so I didn't do whatever the naughty behavior was again.
I've read some of the studies about how spanking isn't particularly effective. I guess it would be highly dependent on my child and what type of behaviors he/she is exhibiting. Redirection and time outs are great but some children just don't respond to them.
If we do choose to spank, it will be as a last resort or for really dangerous, egregious behavior.
coconut / 8430 posts
I'm not sure if we will. I was spanked and it was effective. But it was really few and far between. I was warned about spanking pretty often though... and I would usually stop whatever I was doing once I got the warning so the warnings themselves were pretty effective.
pineapple / 12526 posts
Maybe, but only as a last resort when it is really, really warranted. I was spanked as a child and it definitely was effective for me. Most of the time, the threat od the soanking was more than enough to get me to stop what I was doing.
Im a huge believer in time outs, so that will probably be our primary method of discipline.
pomelo / 5321 posts
I've always said "absolutely" to spanking. I was spanked and it was effective. It didn't happen often, but it got the point across when it did. Now that we're battling the terrible twos, we've swatted DS's hands a few times. It really breaks my heart and it's not effective. I'll probably revisit it but right now, it's not working.
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