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No, absolutely not. My husband and I were both spanked, but we don't believe it's the most effective form of discipline and our research tells us it isn't the best option for us.
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It's actually illegal in NZ now, so even though I grew up being spanked and think it served me well, we won't be spanking our kids.
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@Mrs. Jacks: Now I'm very curious about your discipline plan! I'd love to hear what your family does because this is an issue DH and I are conflicted on
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Nope. It's illegal in Sweden.
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No, like @lilteacherbee I'm an elementary school teacher. I feel my training and experience has given me a whole lot of better strategies that are more effective and authentic than spanking. I remember being spanked once as a child and feeling really embarrassed but not reflective or remorseful.
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No. If it would be illegal for me to do to another adult who is large enough to defend themselves by walking away or hitting back, why would it be okay to do to someone who has no choice but to stay & isn't big enough to fairly fight back? I haven't seen anything that supports it as an effective form of punishment. I want our future LOs to be kind & respectful of others, I don't believe hurting them supports those qualities. If we want them to work through conflict in a peaceful manner, it only makes sense to me that we model that with our interactions.
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Both my DH and I were spanked when we were kids. There were times I deserved it. There were times I didn't understand why I was receiving the punishment.
I look at my DH's cousins who didn't get disciplined in the way he and his brother. They grew up to become menaces to society (ie selling drugs, getting pregnant with a guy who is in jail currently, frequent DUI's).
My conclusion is that spanking will be used in our household, only after warnings are given and reasons given.
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Yes, both DH and I were spanked and neither of us were traumatized by it. It won't be our first instinct, but after several warnings or time-outs, yes.
I think a lot of people hear spanking and think of getting whipped with a belt repeatedly, vs when I hear "spanking" I think about being bent over my parents knee and being swatted with their hand once or twice.
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It depends on the crime. I don't want to make spanking the main punishment because I'm afraid I would spank her out of anger instead of to show her she has done something wrong.
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@mrs. bird: This is the reason why it's illegal here. Kids have the same rights as adults in that aspect.
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my parents didn't really use spanking, and i'm not really comfortable using it. although my parents didn't use time outs either, but that's something i would use.
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No.
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Definitely not. It seems hypocritical to teach your kids, "I can hit you but you can't hit anyone else." I know spanking doesn't have to be very hard, but a light swat is still hitting IMO.
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Nope. Not my style.
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Just have to share that I read this as "will you Spanx your kids" like the compression body slimmers. I am now more convinced than ever that pregnancy has changed my vision.
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I am hoping no, but both me and DH were spanked and that's how we grew up. I am afraid I don't know how to do it the other way, but I also don't want him to grow up the way we did. It's just wrong. And judging from LO's behavior he's pushing the boundaries day after day after day.
So my answer is, I will try my best to not spank him ever. That's the plan. We'll see.
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@grizz: We use a combination of time out, peace corner, redirection, discussion and lost privileges. Ellie the elephant stories help us discuss the feelings afterwards.
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@mrs. bird: @mrsscb: agree 100%
My siblings & myself were never spanked. We did not grow up to be hooligans, disrespectful, etc.
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I think we both agree that the only time we would spank lightly is when they are doing something dangerous.
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I was spanked as a child and it also made me angry and sad. It didn't effect me in the way it was meant to. I realize every child is different, but for DH and I, spanking is off the table. That being said, we hope to discipline with the discussion and priviledge loss, etc. It's really interesting to hear what other parents are implementing/planning to do.
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@sorrycharlie: Same here, my parents were anti-spanking because their parents took physical punishment too far. Actually, one time my mom threatened my sister with a spanking when she was about three, and my sister said, "You don't believe in spanking!" lol my mom just had to laugh. We turned out just fine without it, though
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My brother and I were spanked a few times as kids (me maybe like 2-3 times, my brother like 10+ times haha) and we're both completely fine; but I don't think spanking was or is effective.
Now having a daughter, I am also very uncomfortable with her seeing it as ok to be physically punished by others, or that physical punishment is acceptable for not following the rules of others. It won't be acceptable for her to hit her little playmates if they don't "follow the rules", so why it is ok for me to do it? It sure as hell won't be acceptable for any man (or woman) partner of hers to hit her for not "following the rules" or doing what she's told, so it just seems weird to be like "ok, *I* get to hit you if you break my rules, but you don't get to hit anybody and nobody else gets to hit you no matter what". I just don't want to put physical violence of any level out on the table as acceptable for our lives; it just feels demeaning to me.
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My most memorable spanking was when I was 3 or 4. I dyed apart of our beige carpet using my mom's henna and vaseline. The spanking was effective in the sense I never did that again. But, overall spankings didn't deter me from acting up. My parents used other forms of discipline as I was older and able to understand why certain actions were unacceptable.
As much I would like to think and say I won't spank there c are certain times a swift hand to the bottom can correct dangerous or extremely undesirable behavior. I definitely think patents should spank during the height of frustration or too long after the event.
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I was never spanked as a child, and I don't plan on doing the same. DH may be a different story, he is more of the disciplanarian.
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@kjpugs: LOL!!! That made me laugh out loud
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Hell no.
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No.
The only thing spanking taught me was how to be angry and afraid of my mom and that I should be more careful about getting caught. I can remember how much I hated her after each incident. I have vivid memories of the times my mom would have my sister and I sit at the kitchen table and think about what we did and talk to her about it after an hour--or when she had us stand in the corner. I feel like for me, those were more effective at changing behavior.
I could maybe see myself giving her a little pop if she did something dangerous like ran out to the street and I couldn't reason with her, but it would have to be an extreme situation.
DH and I were both spanked and we disagree but he is deferring to me on this one.
@mrs. bird: I completely agree! And I'm showing your comment to DH.
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DH & I agree that we will plan to use other forms of discipline, but we aren't completely ruling it out. I don't think it is the most effective way to discipline, but I don't judge other parents who do spank. Both of our parents spanked us.
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I wasn't spanked as a child, though I had a handful of slaps as a teenager that I fully deserved. My husband was spanked with a belt. He's ok with spanking and I'm on the fence. I honestly just don't think I will do it. I feel like there's a hundred better ways to discipline a child. My husband wouldn't use a belt, but thinks a good pop every now and then is justified. I don't see him following through with it, though. He's more of a softy than I am.
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I think discipline methods depend on the child, With my son, we probably won't spank him because he's a softie (emotionally) and I think it would break his spirit. But if one day for some reason he changed into a little rebel and nothing else worked, then heck yeah we'd spank him. He has to learn that things have consequences, whether they be natural or not. Natural consequences are obviously better, but some things aren't up for negotiation or explanation. We decided to work our way up. Start with the gentlest form of punishment and move up to the more harsher ones. My DH and I both were spanked and we never had any harsh feelings towards our parents. We're actually quite the opposite. We grew up very attached to them and still are. Neither one of us felt like our parents were spanking us out of hatred or anger. We knew that we were being spanked out of discipline. Whereas some kids may harbor negative feelings towards their parents after getting spanked. It just totally depends on the parents and children and it's not a one size fits all situation.
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In my mind, hitting is never okay. I can't possibly stare my child in the face and say it's not okay to hit someone then turn around and hit them. We won't be spanking.
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I've been doing lots of reading on toddler discipline recently and will not be spanking. I'm doing lots of redirection, repetition, and some time-ins right now. I know that as he gets older I'll need a lot of self-control, but I'm the adult and I'm the one who has already learned self-control, not the toddler who is learning what that means.
I don't want my child to hit anyone, so I can't model behavior that's not ok for him to do.
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