-
I stayed at home until C was 18 months old. I currently work part time (16-30 hours a week).
For me, I needed more than what being a SAHM gave me. I needed to be out of the house. I needed the feeling of contributing financially to my family. I needed the feeling of accomplishment that working gives me. Im a much happier person now that I have a job and Im easier to live with. I was a miserable, hot mess as a SAHM.
I do feel very fortunate that I do have the luxury of making that choice for myself and my family.
I do think that WOHMs have the wonderful advantage of being able to come home and look at their child with fresh eyes. As a SAHM, you are with that child 24/7, every issue seems like the end of the world because it IS your world in that moment. A WOHM gets to get away, recharge, and come back to it with a fresh outlook.
-
I understand the feeling of being miffed by people that are a bit high and mighty in their choices and insensitive to others (when my son was sick with ear infections all the time, tons of people insinuated it was because he was in daycare and why was I working when I don't HAVE to??) but I also think there is a degree to which it is over-sensitivity due to one's own feelings of insecurity. If I said , "I WOH because I want to save for college and to go on family vacations that will be a valuable experience for my kids", someone who stays home could say, "Oh, I'm NOT a good mom because I don't have the money to go on vacations??!!" Just saying why you chose to work or not, and being happy with your choice, does not mean it is shaming the other person. There is no perfect choice, so we all do what we think is best.
Can you imagine if people were this sensitive about other choices in their lives? I went to a state school not far from my home because I wanted to save money and be able to spend time with my family. If I wrote an article about the merits of attending state schools would people be up in arms that I was shaming people who attended private schools?! I wouldn't think most people would react that way. But parenting is a sensitive topic because we are all not sure if we are doing it right!
-
@travellingbee: "I also think there is a degree to which it is over-sensitivity due to one's own feelings of insecurity."
This! I think people get defensive about parenting decisions because they want people to agree, so they feel validated like they're doing it "correctly".
-
I think you have to do what is right for you whether it be SAHM or WOHM. I don't think it's right when one person pushes their choice.
-
@loveisstrange: Right! I know I feel that way sometimes and I have to remind myself that there are many ways to parent well!
-
It is so ridiculous! Women/moms should be there to support & encourage each other, not tear one another down
From my viewpoint, I HAVE to work after I have a kid. I feel like sometimes these articles/posts assume you have a choice!
-
There's lots of different choices to make as a mom so I read a lot of articles to make me think about what I wanted and what perspective fit me best. I'm happy there's different perspectives written and I don't think those articles are shaming (though there are examples where the other choice is put down heavily, and that stinks).
Be confidant in your choice and also the ability of others to make choices for themselves.
I have a PhD but have done my share of being a SAHM, believe me I get a lot of side eye when people find that out. Sometimes I explain why that was best for our family and sometimes I just smile and let Miss or Mr Smug pants be smug because their opinion really is of little value. We made our choices as a family not because of side eye from an a.hole.
-
@Cherrybee: I really, really like your response! For all of us as individuals, our own choices and doing what we feel and know is best for our families are what's really important, and we shouldn't feel shame or guilt about our decisions. However, you brought up the incredibly important point that choice for most people is a complete illusion. Forgive me for making this political, if that's not where people wanting this convo to go, but we (or at least, most of us) don't live in a society that supports the ability for most of the population to actually choose without financial constraints, ie via sufficient parental leave policies (either via the government or the majority of employers), affordable and high quality child care options (neither public nor private), etc. Which is why I think it's so important that we keep having these conversations--not because the "mommy wars" as such are that productive, but because there is a lot that needs to be changed for that choice to be available to everyone. Also, it drives me crazy that these convos are so frequently only about mothers and work, but that's me laying all my feminist cards out on the table
-
@Sapphiresun: I have a years leave and I am going back part time at just under 7 months and people are CRAZY with the judgement about it! Like, leave me alone, people. It's not the end of the world that my kid is going to be in a daycare beside my office 2 days a week.
-
Woah, this thread got bigger than I thought it would! Neat.
I went back and re-read my original post, and I realize how whiny I sound, and I apologize. I also re-read the article with different eyes, and I realize how innocuous it could sound to others. My theory about my reaction is that it is a combination of many things- Firstly, she posts stuff ALL THE TIME about how she's so glad she's staying home so she doesn't miss all of these precious moments. It makes me sad that the nanny is probably going to witness many, many moments I wish I had been there for. Also, I think I feel guilty that I don't want to stay home all the time- I'm home for 9-10 weeks during the summer, and I was pretty excited for school to start back up because I like teaching. I have it in my head that I should want to spend every waking moment with these kiddos, who we fought tooth and nail to get, and I don't. I need time to be who I am, who I was before they came into the picture.
Anyway, I'm sorry if I came off as over-sensitive (I usually am). I appreciate all of those that helped me realize that I'm over-reacting, and should just calm myself down!
-
I think that EVERYONE is just trying to justify their choices and it can get annoying at times.
I'm like you. I need to work and I'm a better mom because of it. But I know my sister would be a fantastic SAHM... We having different skills and temperaments and it's I portably to k ow that!
From my viewpoint, I HAVE to work after I have a kid. I feel like sometimes these articles/posts assume you have a choice!
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
50 comments