I personally wouldn't, it's deeply ingrained (rightfully or wrongfully so) that marriage comes first.
Would you ever intentionally have a LO before marriage?
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Plan, no. It was important to me and DH that we be married before we started trying to get pregnant. I know it's no big deal for some people, and that's awesome, but it wasn't a path we wanted to take.
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Definitely not.
ETA: I had DS unplanned unwed. With DH we waited until the I Do's so P was definitely planned after.
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Erm, well I was a virgin, so it would have been tricky.
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No, but not for moralistic reasons. For me, a baby means a lifetime of co-parenting. I sure as heck wouldn't want to do that with someone I didn't plan to be married to forever, so marriage would always come first, for me.
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No. We both waited until marriage for sex, and it would have been hard to have a baby first without sex.
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I wouldn't.
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As @septemberlove said, it was ingrained that marriage should come first. My DH didn't agree though and took a bit of convincing (he comes from a background where people usually have a child and then get married - if at all).
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Plan, no. I strongly believe that kids should be brought into a stable environment. (Marriage or civil union).
Despite my feelings that we should wait, I ended up having a baby while unmarried. I was dealing with PCOS, and not ovulating and told I would need fertility treatments, so we stopped being careful.
We are in a stable long term commitment with discussion of marriage. I would have preferred to be married, but very happy for our miracle baby. Hopefully we will be married within the next 2 years. -
Nope. For us, more for me, I wanted to enjoy our marriage for a couple of years before planning on TTC/LO.
My husband's ex-girlfriend married a year after us was 9 weeks pregnant on her wedding day. They announced the pregnancy a month after their wedding. From what I was told, it was a very planned pregnancy. I was surprised that they married because she seemed so against marriage for years. With them, it's funny because we've been married longer than they have, but their LO is older than ours.
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No. It is 100% avoidable, and I knew that I wasn't a good candidate for having a baby before marriage. It's not religious for me, it's just to me that is the order it goes in. Love, marriage, baby carriage
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Before my first marriage and ds, I would've said I wouldn't care if I waited or not. But then after we split, and I'm having to co-parent with someone I really don't like, I definitely did NOT want to make another baby with someone I wasn't 100% for sure on.
Lucky for DH (and dd!) I'm madly in love with him, and I'm not going anywhere this time, lol.
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I say no, but then again I was lucky enough to find my person and get married while relatively young (married at 28). I often wonder what I would have done if things hadn't worked out that way, and I can't honestly say I would be childless for life if I hadn't found a partner. So, it's a tough one for me and I feel very grateful I don't have to make that very difficult choice.
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Yes i would......I think as long as your in a committed relationship with the same intentions to have a child and be together to parent that child. I also am religious but in my own beliefs do not believe a baby needs to be born into marriage. A loving committed relationship. Absolutely. You can very easily have a loving committed relationship without a piece of paper stating your married. To me its all about mindset. And yea I am married and had my son after we got married but if I had him before pallned or not I would not have any shame or regrets.
A marriage doesn't mean you are guaranteed to be together to raise that child. Divorce or abandonment happen to married couples all the time. -
Nope absolutely not.
@Mrs. Superhero: @MaisyMay: same here!
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@Weagle: @MaisyMay: @Mrs. Superhero: so impressed with you ladies that waited for marriage - that really is something so amazing.
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@sarac: this exactly.
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Maybe. Being married first, or even at all, wasn’t important to me from a moral/religious standpoint (since I’m not religious at all); so if I was in a relationship where we wanted to be together forever, were fully committed to each other, and we wanted to be in each other’s lives for the rest of our lives but we couldn’t or didn’t want to get married; yep, I’d have a baby before marriage or without marriage.
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I wouldn't plan it. However, I did accidentally get pregnant while engaged, and had a m/c. I was on BC and didn't know my meds interacted with the BC. It was so hurtful to me that my now-MIL accused me of planning things that way. DH and I have talked a lot about this since then, especially now that we're experiencing infertility and given the chance we would have gone through with having the baby no matter what people thought.
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DH likes to say he could have persuaded me to be his baby mom's, but I always knew I would be wife then mother in that order. I even described where babies come from to my younger cousin as when the husband and wife, not man and woman. This may sound trivial, but having the same last name as my child is important to me.
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Having grown up in a pretty religious home, I wouldn't. However, I don't judge or have a problem with those that do/would.
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I would not. Partly for societal reasons- it would be a big deal in my family- but mostly because I see having a baby with someone as a bigger committment than marriage. If we weren't already ready to commit to marriage, why would we be ready to commit to an entire lifetime of raising a baby? I could see it from people who have issues with the institution of marriage, and plenty of other reasons, but for us I would def not have planned it that way. Unplanned is a different story- though we prob would have had a quick wedding before baby, do we'd be married before it was born.
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No. I like the security marriage gives. AND my family would be livid if I was pregnant before marriage. So would DH's family.
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Nope, I wouldn't want to raise a child on my own.... I also believe a child should be born into marriage.
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I didn't plan on it but I got pregnant during our engagement.
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Nope. It's got to be the only thing I'm traditional on
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plan, no...but if it had happened then we would have done what was right at the time...
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Absolutely not. I'm not traditional in many ways but this is one of them. Marriage comes before babies as far as I'm concerned (for my own life, don't care what other people do with theirs). Had we had an "oops" prior to tying the knot, we probably wouldn't have followed through with it (the pregnancy, not the marriage).
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We planned on TTC right after we got married.
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Yes, I absolutely WOULD have planned a pregnancy before "marriage"
I love my husband, we have a great marriage. But our relationship was just as committed pre-wedding, and so marriage would not have come into the equation when it came to TTC. I had such baby fever that let's say I'd never met DH, and I was single, and I was down to my last egg (lol), I totally would have gone to a sperm bank. tmi?
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I honestly think it would depend on the circumstances. If I were in my mid-thirties and not married yet, then yes, I would plan a pregnancy. If I were any age and a medical reason came up where I would eventually not be able to have children, then yes, I would plan a pregnancy. Luckily, I did not have to face either of those issues. However, if circumstances were different I would rather face the social stigma than live the rest of my life without a child out of "principle."
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No, I don't think so. Not for any moral or religious reasons, mostly because the women I know who had children before marriage had a really rough time of it, and ended up splitting with their BFs. I know that's not always the case, but it definitely made me want to be married first. Not like that ensures happiness, but still.
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31 comments