This woman did:
http://www.nysun.com/opinion/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-subway-alone/73976/
I though this quote from the article was interesting: "Half the people I've told this episode to now want to turn me in for child abuse."
What do you guys think: is that child abuse?
And would you let your nine-year-old LO ride the subway alone?
pear / 1639 posts
No! But i don't know if I can be an a very good judge. We don't have subways here, and I would be scared to ride one myself 
But regardless, I think that 9 is a little young!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I don't live anywhere near a subway. But I don't even like to ride it alone, so no.
I'm sure it's different for new yorkers.
coconut / 8305 posts
I don't know if I'd go so far as child abuse, but there is no way I could imagine DS being aware & mature enough to ride the subway alone in just 2 years times.
At 7 y/o he's pretty good about following rules, doing what he's supposed to, & staying away from strangers but that's kinda crazy in my book.
ETA: DS plays out in the neighborhood all the time by himself & I've left him at home to do a quick run to the gas station or pick up dinner but I still would be very nervous with him traveling on public transportation by himself @ that age.
coconut / 8854 posts
9 just seems awful young to me. I have siblings that are 15, and I don't think they could be left somewhere and find their way home by themselves!
coconut / 8234 posts
I wouldn't...but I don't think it's child abuse. I see kids who look to be about that age on the subway by themselves often.
squash / 13199 posts
When i used to ride the bus in high school there were 9 year olds on the bus, but I guess thats much more straight forward than the subway system. For me it depends how complex the journey is, but I would prefer not to let my child on the subway alone until they are atleast a teenager. Truth be told I'm a little scared of the subway myself lol especially the more isolated stations, so I dont know how that kid manages on his own
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I don't think it's child abuse, but I definitely wouldn't allow my nine-year-old to do that. BUT I'm also not from an area where we have subways. Maybe one person's subway ride is another person's bike ride around the block? I would probably let my 9-year-old ride their bike in our neighborhood alone... is that similar to riding the subway alone? haha...
grapefruit / 4355 posts
I wouldn't as the subway system can be complicated (especially for someone young) and it would be very easy for a 9-year-old to get lost.
But I don't think it is child abuse.
cherry / 172 posts
I wouldn't call it child abuse. It depends on where you grow up. I'm in Pittsburgh and early in the morning you see school age children walking to school alone. Some walk 5 or 6 city blocks alone. (well in pairs. I've never seen anyone alone)
Some parents put their children on buses or planes alone too.
The article has a good point. We are overprotecting our kids from any and everything. My friend flipped out on me that I left my 5 year old in the house alone while I ran outside to get laundry and groceries from the car. Her response was "WHAT IF something happened?!" Uh, like what? What if the house exploded? Then both of us would be dead. What if she fell down and broke something? Then something would be broke. It's not like she is waiting for me to turn around so that she can grab forks to jam them into the wall outlets. lol
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I feel like having a panic attack just thinking about this so no way would I ever. I think there are other ways to teach your child to be independent and have adventures -- safer ways!
honeydew / 7968 posts
i agree with some of the pps. i don't think it's child abuse. but in this day and age, might not be the smartest thing to do. i know my hubby used to ride the subway a lot in elementary and middle school. don't think i'll let my kids ride the subways alone. especially since i'll be a SAHM, i should be home to take them places.
pear / 1554 posts
I wouldn't consider it child abuse but I would not feel comfortable letting my kids ride the subway at that age. Here in tokyo, I've seen kids as young as 5 or 6 (1st grade age) riding the trains by themselves or with classmates on their way to and from school. I was so amazed the first time I saw this because I thought it would never happen back home in the states.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
9 seems a bit young, but I could totally understand having a 13 year old ride alone especially if they had a cell phone in case they got lost or something. Personally I wouldn't want that for my kids, but it could be done if needed.
I agree with sheltering our kids too much. They have to learn how to do things on their own hopefully before they are 16 and can suddenly drive!
grapefruit / 4400 posts
I think 9 is a bit too young, but like others, I don't think it's child abuse.
grapefruit / 4800 posts
I would expect my 9 yo to know how to ride a subway and what to do if someone tried to harass them.
I don't think I would be comfortable with them actually riding unaccompanied but it makes me just as nervous to think of them as incapable of doing it by themselves.
pomegranate / 3980 posts
I definitely wouldn't call it child abuse. Ive never been on a subway before because ive never lived where they have them, so no, i wouldn't let my child ride one alone.
persimmon / 1255 posts
No way! I'm all for kids being independent but there's just too many unsavory people out there to let my LO use public transportation by herself at 9. Walking a few blocks to school with a buddy, on the hand, is doable.
cherry / 106 posts
Um, NO? Can a 9 year old defend themselves if a person tries to lure them into their car? I think not. Call me paranoid, tell me kids these days need to toughen up all you want, there is no way in hell I'd ever allow that to happen. My child will travel in groups with friends or other adults until high school, and hopefully will be safe in college when out alone.
GOLD / apricot / 337 posts
I've been riding the subway alone since about age 10-11. It was pretty common when I was growing up because most of us don't go to our local zoned schools. I've been commuting via subway and public bus to school since the 6th grade. We'd often commute together as a group of kids, but it's not uncommon to see kids who are 9 and 10 taking the subway to school alone.
My parents didn't really have a way to pick me up since they were both working so they constantly grilled me about talking to strangers and making sure that I as always near crowds or other people when waiting for the subway. I have to admit, I was pretty scared the first few times, but after a while, I got used to it and because of that, I'm able to really navigate the subway well as an adult. 
I don't know if I'd let LM do it though.
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
Hmmmm....I don't feel that it is child abuse, but I also do not think that it is wise parenting. To many things can happen. I've been blessed to live in places with decent public transportation, and I've never seen somebody that young alone.
kiwi / 534 posts
I would not. Seeing a seriously disturbed or violent person on the subway at any hour is a regular occurrence here. I personally have been mugged twice on the subway once in the car and once on the platform. I just don't think its safe.
kiwi / 534 posts
When I was a resident I lived in a really cheap studio in Harlem. Not a great area at all but it was all I could afford. Ironically when I got mugged on the subway car I was right near the 5th Ave stop near Madison Ave which a lot of people consider very nice. Haha. I always say if you haven't been mugged in NYC you haven't earned your New Yorker badge!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@ecogirl: Ah I mean, what year?
Three guys tried to mug me in 2002, but I beat the biggest guy up and they all ran away. Actually they didn't ask for anything, they just attacked me and once I fell down they all started kicking me.
pear / 1837 posts
@nycalimama Just general crime rates. Tokyo has one of the lowest crime rates in the world, which would make me feel better about sending out a younger kid by himself/herself. I'm sorry to call out NYC- it's referenced in the article, that's why I used it as a comparison- and I'd feel similarly uncomfortable sending my nine-year-old out on the subway in DC (where I live now) or Atlanta (where I used to live).
kiwi / 534 posts
@Mrbee that is so scary! I can't believe you beat one of them up I just stand there and hand over my stuff haha! Maybe you should be named Avenger Moneybags Crimefighter 
This happened to me in 2007.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@ecogirl: Wow, so recent. I thought NYC had gotten much safer...
pea / 23 posts
No way, not at age 9... I don't think I'd call it abuse though.
I don't really get the point about it not mattering because you can't protect against random events... in my hometown, the first murder that anyone remembers was when a 9 year old girl was trick or treating by herself. She stopped at one of her parents' friends' house and he raped and murdered her. If someone had been trick or treating with her it wouldn't have happened that way. This was 50 years ago. The most recent child abduction and attempted murder (she survived), the family did not know the man at all. I think those are poor reasons to take the risk, but that's just my opinion.
ETA: Would just like to add that these incidents occurred what is considered one of the safest cities in the US, and many of the other safest cities are in the surrounding areas... maybe I'll be an overprotective mother, but better overprotected than dead.
cherry / 172 posts
Mr. Bee- I have lots of friends in NYC and they all say the same thing. They use to make fun of me for carrying around my taser when I came to visit, but I figure if I were going to be a victim of random violence, I would at least be prepared and be able to shock the crap out of someone. I've never needed it in NYC. I have even stumbled into shady looking allies and didn't have to whip it out.
The town I grew up in (WV) is very very very very safe. I think one year it ranked in the top 20 safest places to raise kids in the country. The last murder happened in the early 90's. Some kids from high school killed one of my classmates. We were in 3rd or 4th grade. It rocked the town and all the parents made all of us travel in pairs. I believe that was like 1992 or something like that.
Now, I count that as an actual murder. A few years ago a bouncer was killed in a bar fight, but it was an accident. The guy only meant to scare him, but during the fight he actually stabbed him. Sucked.
Those are the only two violent incidents in that city.
We are moving back probably in a year or so. In that town, I would totally let my daughter ride the little transit bus or walk to a neighbors down the street. The whole city really looks out for one another.
kiwi / 534 posts
@Mrbee I think a lot of it has. Unfortunately there are still a lot of places in NYC that have problems. When I got my place in Harlem the realtor said that it was the UES haha! I knew of two other students there that got bilked the same way as I had so we ended up living in a very rough area unintentionally. I think the hours I kept at the hospital put me on the subways at very early morning hours too so that doesn't help. Many times walking home from the station I would get harassed by what was affectionately dubbed the neighborhood crackheads but they were usually too wasted to actually mug you If you told them to leave you alone that worked. There still were plenty of bad people hoping to take your money though. 
grapefruit / 4049 posts
@Lozza: I see... no worries, I was just curious....
@mrbee: @ecogirl: It's been 7 years and I have never felt the tiniest bit unsafe in NYC! i take the subway pretty often too, and pretty late at night a few times (prior to having kids), but I guess I tend to hang out in really safe neighborhoods. I definitely haven't earned my true New Yorker badge, but that's okay with me
I can see why some NYC parents do this though... it's different here, and I never realized how so until I lived here... I see kids on buses and trains, alone or in groups all the time. I overhear them argue about subway routes. Kids here do mature faster I think than anywhere else, but that's another story...
But I personally still would not let this happen in ANY city, even if it had the lowest crime rates. Maybe once they are in high school... near the end of it... and not alone, always at least with friends... in broad daylight... and in a safe neighborhood... But by that time, I do imagine that my kids and I are in the suburbs and not taking public transportation like we do daily here anyway.
kiwi / 534 posts
@NYcalimama Yes now I tend to not wander around Harlem at 3am haha! That certainly helps with my safety factor I remember bringing my husband over to my studio when we were dating and we got out of the subway station and he practically yelled You live here?! In the ghetto?! and I laughed so hard and told him to lower his voice a little. He loves to say we met in the ghetto when people ask how we started dating and I tell everyone he is too soft for NY haha:P
Not earning that badge is a good thing!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
No way. But, this is really common in Korea. My lil cousin (kindergarten) used to be out until 10pm sometimes coming home from lessons and activities.
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