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Your MIL sounds like a 12 year old girl hurt b/c her bestie didn't say hi to her at the football game. Geesh.
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@runnerd: Ugh, conflicts with the in-laws are the worst! I feel you! Not sure if you've seen my NUMEROUS posts about issues with my SMIL, so I totally get where you are coming from!!!
BUT just go. Just pretend it didn't happen. SMIL and I have a million issues, but when we get together for holidays, we both just plaster on a fake smile, talk about trivial things, and get through it. I feel like over time, all our fake smiles and trivial conversations are finally starting to make a difference and there's a tiny bit less animosity than there was a few years ago.
So go. It will get so much worse if you don't. I think if you can just fake it through the day, you'll feel better. And you'll be past that first initial awkward get-together, so the next time will be even easier.
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First off I want to say I'm sorry you're dealing with in law issues right now. This time of year can be rough. I don't have that particular in law issue but everyone has something.
I will give her this, if I had people over for a week and they didn't bother to say goodbye I would think that's pretty rude, and I can't imagine not saying goodbye either, even with the chaos of all the kids being around, meltdowns, etc. BUT it also sounds like there's a lot more going on here than you not saying goodbye, so I'm not putting all the blame on you. And I don't particularly like that she's been upset about stuff for awhile it sounds, but only bringing it up all of a sudden.
As for whether you have to go, we aren't very traditional about holidays (dh works a good amount of them) so maybe my opinion isn't worth much but I think if it's likely to end in an argument you're no better off for going. My preference would be have your husband call them today and get things straightened out ahead of time, but of course that could also lead to more arguing.. but for me I would want to just get past this. And if you've apologized and you've made a good effort to figure out these "changes" she's saying need to happen, and she still is acting this way, then the ball is in her court and I'd just go to Christmas and act like nothing is wrong. But that's just me.
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