I've noticed from various comments on these boards that a number of guys don't believe in counseling.
I guess that's not a huge surprise, but I've been surprised at the number of guys who refuse couples counseling even if it's clear that nothing else is working.
Have you and your SO gone to couples counseling in the past? And if not, would your SO go with you to counseling if you asked?
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
We haven't. But we've each been to counseling individually, and he's recommended couples counseling to family members who were going through hard times. So I know if something were to happen he'd be up for it.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
We've never been to counseling, but my husband would go. In fact he would probably be the first one to suggest it.
coconut / 8305 posts
We went through 8 weeks of pre-marital counseling and if it were needed in the future & we couldn't work something through on our own then yes we'd go and I'm sure DH would probably be the lead in us going.
We both have someone we can go and counsel with individually if things come up.. Me, my mom (who is actual VERY unbiased counsel) and DH, can always go to our pastor (whom DH has served under for years) and if we needed to go together we'd probably go to our pastor since he did our pre-marital counseling.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
Uhh, yes, he would go and he did go. We've had some issues with our family and it caused some issues in our relationship. He actually was surprised how helpful it was. It did help us communicate better. I know we don't have a perfect relationship but we are both willing to do what we can to have a good marriage and to make sure we are both happy. I also think having another perspective and an unbiased one really helps.
Oh, I was the one who suggested it. I'm pretty sure, my husband would not suggest it first.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
The hubs is sitting right next to me and I just asked him if he would go to couples' counselling if our marriage was in trouble and he said he would. I would definitely go if we needed it.
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
Im in that percentage that the hubs WILL NEVER go to counseling. I mean I think its so bad that if I told him I'd want a divorce and the only way to save our marriage is counseling he wouldn't go. Actually let me rephrase that, he would but wouldn't believe in it so it would defeat the purpose.
I wish he would give it a try openingly
pear / 1639 posts
We have never been, and I don't think he would. I am not sure though. I think that if things got that bad, and like we weren't even living together, then maybe he might? I really don't know though. I would like to think that he would put forth that effort, but I really don't know!
honeydew / 7968 posts
we've never gone, but i know he would if we needed it. i know my husband would want to work things out over getting a divorce.
honeydew / 7230 posts
We've been. I've mentioned it on HB before, but I deal with very severe depression. After we got married I went through a very bad period where I wasn't coping well and was having a very hard time communicating. My husband asked me if we could go to counseling and the next morning he called and made the appointment for us. We really only did a handful of sessions together because I started going by myself to deal with my depression, but I think of it as what saved our marriage. We wouldn't hesitate to go back if we felt like we needed to.
pear / 1852 posts
I don;t know. We've had our arguements, but never bad enough to consider counselling.
He;s kinda a guys guy, so I can't see him comfortable talking to a stranger.
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
in a heartbeat. If he thought that there was a problem with our relationship or if I told him that I thought there was a problem he'd be glad to go. We would probably talk with our pastor.
grapefruit / 4056 posts
Neither of us have ever been to counselling (even when his Dad died when he was 13 he didn't go). I doubt he would be very open to it, unless we our child was having issues, and family counselling was recommended, then I think he would go.
persimmon / 1255 posts
We haven't been but I know he would go. I'm a big believer in counseling and in talking things out. The unbiased third party makes it that much more effective.
apricot / 321 posts
We're both on board with counseling and have been separately and together. We find it helpful to talk to someone and get outside perspectives every once in a while. We met with a counselor after the baby was born and it was so so so helpful, we'll definitely go back as needed.
pear / 1554 posts
Yes he would go if I asked him. He has been to counseling on his own. When our first baby was born with trisomy 18, DH had a hard time trying to balance work obligations and trying to visit our baby in NICU as much as possible. He felt guilty for not being able to come to the hospital everyday and it started to affect him. As much support as I tried to give him, he didn't want to add extra stress to me, so he decided it was best to talk to a therapist. He only went for a couple of sessions and decided he was more able to work it out on his own. But I'm sure he would go back if I asked him to go as a couple.
squash / 13764 posts
Absolutely...he's been in counseling before for anxiety, and I know he would be open to going again, with me, if I felt like it was important.
pomegranate / 3008 posts
Absolutely. My husband is a firm believer that everyone could benefit from counseling at some point in their life and there is nothing to be ashamed of from that. We did premarital counseling through a licensed couples counselor due to my husband's previous marriage. We've spoken about it from time to time that every 5 years or so spending a few sessions in counseling together wouldn't be a bad idea just because.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I would like to think he would go, but I don't think he would suggest it on his own. Counseling is a very "American" thing to him, I don't even know if we could find a marriage and family counselor to go to where we live.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
He would and he has. As I mentioned in the post about lying, we went through a tough time. I started seeing a therapist, she asked if my (he was my boyfriend then) would like to come, as well. I asked him and he said, definitely. He thinks it is very worthwhile.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Most definitely. We went through pre-marital counseling and we both agreed that when hard times came our way (except beating/cheating which is end it be all for both of us), we would do anything and everything to come out of it together. Counseling would be the number one step in that direction.
During a rough patch in our dating years, DH is the one who actually brought up seeing a counselor to get our communication habits aligned with one another. We never ended up going at the time and worked through our rough patch, but he definitely is not adverse to counseling.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
We spent about a year in couples counseling before we got engaged. We both agree that we'll go again in the future if we need it.
kiwi / 534 posts
@bluestripedbee I feel like we are always on the same page haha!
We went before we got married. We come from two totally different worlds and I really didn't fit in well with his overbearing parents. They openly told him he could find someone with better breeding and more experience with their society! Ouch. So he actually brought it up and said he'd like to learn how to shut them down while still respecting the fact that they are his parents but show them that we are a team now. It was hugely helpful.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
My husband really doesn't like the idea, while I on the other hand love therapy haha 
We don't have serious relationship problems by any stretch but if he was more open to it I might have asked him by now. If things were bad enough that I felt like we had no other options, I would press him and I'm sure he would relent, but I'm not sure how open he would be to the process...
kiwi / 575 posts
If I insisted that we HAD to go or it was over, I think he would go with me. He's not going to volunteer it though I don't think we need to worry about it (knock-on-wood).
He is definitely on board with me going when I feel like I need it for my own mental health - my mom's a therapist so I'm a fan of therapy for all sorts of reasons.
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