I have an opportunity to make more money. We could use more money- our budget is tight. We meet our basic needs but there is nothing left for vacations or fancy dinners or whatever. The trade off is it is much more time at work and less with LO (she is 14 months).
Right now she spends 8 hours a day in daycare. I pick her up at 3 and we get 3-4 hours together before bed time.
If I take the new job she will have to stay in daycare until 6pm. Just enough time to come home, eat dinner and go to bed.
At some point I will need to make a little more money, if only to pay for LO's education. Right now we can squeak by but it is stressful. On the other hand, I can't imagine basically not seeing her during the week, at least until she has a later bedtime. But I grew up that way and didn't mind it...
I am particularly interested in opinions from mamas who have already made this choice in some form or fashion. I've always leaned towards 'leaning in' but that was before I met my little monkey. Now what would have been an easy choice has become complicated.
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LO is in daycare from 8 am - 615 pm 5 days a week. We get a little bit of time in the morning and a little bit of time at night. We're fine. She's thriving. It works great for us.
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I don't have any advice from the perspective of having made this choice, but I can chime in and say that I am facing a similar decision and am working through the emotions of needing to spend more time away from LO in order for us to be more financially secure.
Following in the hopes that experienced WOHM's will offer some advice and support! -
For me, it comes down to dollars and cents. I am away from my son 40 hours a week,( I am in the office 7-4 MWF and 9-4 T/TH with a 1.5 hour commute). My son is in daycare from 7:30-3 every day, but my parents do drop off and pick up and keep him at home until my husband or I come home. Any way to get creative with the extended care hours?
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@highwire: @lindseykaye: My mom, who is a HUGE proponent of a woman's financial independence keeps pointing out that I am the one who will be sad- not baby. She will just adjust and enjoy more playtime with her daycare friends.
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Only you know what is right for you, but I personally would hate to not get more time with my LO during the week.... so I wouldn't do it. I told my DH I would rather work longer and have more time with her now (I work 25 hours a week now).
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@looch: that is a good idea and something to explore. Right now my husband and I stagger the morning and the new job wouldn't allow that but maybe I can figure something else out, like with my mom.
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@kml636: by work longer you mean retirement? That is a whole other conundrum
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Just something to consider - even though DD is sleeping early now, her bedtime might get pushed back as she approaches the 2 year mark.
At 14 months, DD was sleeping at 7 pm, so I only got time from 5-7 pm with her, but your DD will likely start sleeping later as she grows and needs less sleep.
Right now, DD is 30 months and sleeps around 8-8:30 pm (and if she had it her way she'd be sleeping at 9-10!)... giving us a couple more hours together. She started pushing back her bedtime around the 2 year mark.
If this job will benefit your family in the long term (and it's a job you don't mind doing), then I would probably take the job because DD won't be sleeping early forever. Short term sacrifice (regarding time spent with DD on weekdays) vs. long term gain.
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We do the staggered thing. I do mornings and he does afternoon/evenings (daycare closes at 4:30). I work at night and from home most days. But he is too hard to have home with me (I would just let him watch tv so we put him in preschool). So try to get creative so everyone gets some time in. Also, I know that it is hard on the weekends BUT I also find my son doesn't sleep as well on weekends because he isn't as stimulated. So you have an opportunity to over stimulate.
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Xander's in daycare 7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and is totally happy. I only get about two hours with him in the evening (and don't even get to see him in the morning except to nurse because Hubs does daycare drop-offs). I definitely wish I had more time with him, but it just makes weekends more precious. And Xander loves daycare.
You mention that she'll be in daycare until 6:00. Is there anyway for you to shift your schedule to work earlier so you can pick her up at 5:00? Then you could get a little more time with her? For us, Hubs does drop-offs so that I can get to work earlier than normal. Then I can pick him up at 5:00.
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I took a job at 34 weeks pregnant that meant instead of LO being in daycare from 730-330, she will be there from 730-515. Does it kill me to lose those two hours with her? Of course. Was it the right move for my family? Yes. My new job is a huge raise that means we are no longer paycheck to paycheck, and results in my being in a much, much better mood when I get home. Overall, it was a no brainer. Happy mom = happy baby.
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@lizzywiz: yeah, I figure I would rather retire later and have more time with the LOs now.
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I think there is an important balance between making a better life for your family and living each moment to it's fullest. I think a happy set of parents makes for happy babies. If you and your partner will be happy with the extra cash and you enjoy the work, then I think it would be good for your family all around. My kids are thriving and I work 60+ hours a week.
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@Mrs. Jacks: Agree
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Oh this is such a tough dilemma! Like @lizzywiz: 's mom, I am a huge proponent of a woman's financial independence. (What girl raised by a single mother isn't?) I like making money and I love so many aspects of my job, but I dont like working. (Does that make any sense?) I think a girl just needs to figure out what the perfect balance of work/home time is for her life. There's no way one girl can tell another girl the right combination.
And like so many of the other girls on this thread have said... leaving your LO at day care is so much harder on the mama than on the LO. LO's will never remember it! It would be nice if we could all be SAHMs. But that's not everyone's dream and its certainly not possible for so many.
Best of luck, lady! Please let us know what you decide.
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@Adira: The job's hours are set in stone so no staggering.
I appreciate these responses. I never would have thought this would be a hard decision for me. Pre-baby, I would have told my future mama-self to go for it, no hesitation.
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I went for it!!!!
and those hours I thought were set in stone? they weren't
and I never would have gotten far enough in the interview process to find that out if I hadn't felt so motivated by these great replies.But now I am going to make more money than DH and who knew he would be weirded out by that?! Oh well, he'll adjust.
I am proud and excited to show my daughter that I can be a great career mommy. THANKS
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