so, we typically ignore when we can but when we can't she gets a warning and then a timeout. That has worked for the last 6 months. Just recently though she began taking timeouts no problem but repeating the negative behavior after her time out. So, two questions oh my lord, what do I do, now?! Lol.
And, how long after 'trouble' do you cont. to ignore or give the cold shoulder? For example: lo dumped water from tub on floor with toy. I gave her a warning, she did it again, I gave her a timeout and ended bath. She was a unfazed. We went straight from timeout to changing table, where she wanted to play our regular games.....what would you do? Play games as usual, since she did her time? Or maintain a bit of a cold shoulder? Or something else entirely?
This scenario happened several times today (oh, joy) and I let my mood dictate my response, which I don't like, but sometimes I DO get very mad and I really can't engage in play right after she was being a little hyena, you know?
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My LO is a lot younger but I understand with the mood dictating, this is my weakness too. I've started reading the happiest toddler on the block and I find it to be firm, consistent, and gentle, which is what I would like to be!
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We typically reserve timeouts for when she's being a danger to herself, extremely defiant or not gentle towards the dog. If after time out( in the corner) she still repeats the behavior she gets timeout in her room for two minutes. She has yet to repeat any actions after getting sent to her room.
She's 2 and I want to say we've been doing this since at least 18 months if not 15m.
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@Applesandbananas: we liked the baby version so maybe worth a try!
@locavore_mama: what do you do instead of timeouts? Our monkey really likes pushing limits when she is in the mood- think food throwing, trash dumping, etc. We eventually tried timeouts because that is what they do at her daycare ( she is an angel there, never been in timeout, ha) but clearly isn't working for us now. Just FYI, she is 24 1\2 months. -
Where are her time outs and how are they done? Like, how did you do one in the bathtub? It kind of sounds like she doesn't see them as a consequence...just a short break from whatever activity she's doing at the time. Maybe try structuring them differently so they're an obvious undesirable consequence.
We also reserve timeouts to hitting and other dangerous activities although hitting is the only one that has occurred so far. I also use a really mean voice that immediately makes my LO cry.
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Timeouts happen immediately for hitting and then after warnings for things like disobeying, using her mean voice, etc.
In your case, I would have taken her out of the bath immediately, throw a towel on her so she's not cold and then put her in her timeout spot. If all went well, I'd put her back in the bath and go on our merry way. If it continued then she'd get another timeout the same way and bath would be over.
It's exhausting but with our daughter, firm and consistent consequence helps her know what she's done wrong.
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@Sammyfab: her time outs are for only a minute or two. I think you're exactly right- she now just thinks of them as a break.
My husband and I both grew up in a hitting house (spanking, slapping, 'the belt', etc, as punishment) and while we have no intention of raising her that way, in the heat of the moment I always draw a blank when it comes to alternative forms of consequences. I don't hit but sometimes I do nothing or meaningless consequences. I find that I need an action plan in place so I don't 1) freeze and give no consequence 2) lose my cool.
These replies are helping me figure it out!
The second part of my question is how long do you remain 'mad' after an incident? Not necessarily really mad, but letting your LO know you aren't happy? Up until now I haven't expressed that kind of thing at all. Once the incident is over and consequence completed, we resumed things as normal. But now she seems so unfazed....
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