I thought some of you would appreciate this. http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/03/17/after-i-v-f-pregnant-but-still-stuck-in-the-past/?mabReward=R1&action=click&pgtype=Homepage®ion=CColumn&module=Recommendation&src=rechp&WT.nav=RecEngine
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Wow. I can relate to pretty much every word in this article, she captured the feeling so well. I'm 36 weeks along and I don't think I will really believe it "worked" until the baby is here. Friends and family have found it difficult to understand why I can just let go of the worry and be excited. It is impossible to explain that after failing to get pregnant for so long (almost 3 years), the treatments, the stress, etc. there is always this nagging feeling that the whole thing is going to come crashing down around you at any moment...
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I can definitely relate. I think IF can really steal your joy when it comes to pregnancy. I tell myself after the next appointment I'll relax, or when I feel the baby move I'll relax. In reality it will probably be when the baby is born.
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I can relate, as well. I'm trying to keep stress low but there are moments throughout the day where I think if both babies are still in there. There's always that moment right before the ultrasound where I wonder the same thing. I was being honest with my sister about that thought of things might not working out and I could tell she was trying to get me out of the funk of thinking of things going wrong (She didn't have IF but she did have a m/c) but I could tell after a while that I shouldn't be 'that' honest with her... because others might see that honesty as negativity and that's not what it is. I've been saying I'm caustiously positive. I've pulled back on the things I say to her but she's still there for me.
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Definitely relate to this. I was worried my entire pregnancy and constantly steeled myself for bad news. I just couldn't relax until they were born...because after all our bad luck and years of trying, how could it be that I'd be lucky enough to end up with two healthy babies?
eta: I also had a hard time ever complaining during my pregnancy despite having a very miserable and uncomfortable one. I'd wanted this for years, so, how could I complain? A friend of mine who is now pregnant (and pretty miserable) said to me, "I'm so miserable, how did you put on a happy face every day and not complain?! You were so stoic the whole time."
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@Caly: I feel bad complaining, too. I usually phrase things so that I'm not so negative. Like right now, morning sickness is kicking my butt and that's what I tell people. Though, I'll be honest and I don't know how people continue getting pregnant if they had m/s like I do. I know this is small in the scheme of things and people tell me that having a child, you deal with or forget about the woes of pregnancy. I have even gone a bit more honest to people who have been through IF (and are currently pregnant), like they would understand my little complaints. Overall, I do try to phrase things so I'm not complaining. I have to remind myself that I've read these same comments and only wished I was pregnant and had the same troubles. I also was good pre-pregnancy that I knew some people do have tough pregnancies. While my m/s is only minor issue now, that's all it's been.
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I can completely relate. It is hard to understand how people with infertility who have longed and tried for a baby for so so long aren't beaming with joy that they are finally pregnant. But after month after month of disappointment and always preparing yourself for bad news it isn't easy to shake those natural reactions of fear.
Even though I consider myself very fortunate that IVF worked the first cycle I still dealt with severe OHSS, had my really good friend who was pregnant with twins via IVF also loose both her babies to preterm labor while I was newly pregnant only to find out I lost one of my twins a few days later so my first trimester was pretty traumatic and that lingered a long time into my pregnancy. I did start feeling better when I had constant baby movement but I really won't believe this all really worked until I am handed my baby.
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Wow... while reading this I said "was this written by me?!" Thank you for sharing this! It's nice to see everything I've thought written out... I'm 10 weeks and after the long journey to get here I just keep wondering at what point will I feel truly happy and embrace it? I worry all the time... it's exhausting. People tells me stressing makes it worse but I don't have an off switch.
I truly feel like I've been robbed of my optimism and always am ready for the worst scenario... I hope at least once I'm through with first trimester I can feel some sense of peace. But I'm an anxious person by nature so I'm sure I won't ever feel truly happy until that baby is in my arms. Hugs to all of you who relate on some level
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I didn't have to go through IVF, but I can definitely relate. After 3 mc's, it's like, you're afraid to let yourself be happy and excited. Even now at 22 weeks, I still get nervous. Every time I buy something for the baby, or talk about him, I wonder if I'm somehow jinxing it.
Something that really helped me was to get an at-home fetal doppler. I used it once or twice a week in between appointments if I was feeling nervous. Now that I can feel him move, I'll still use it once in a while if he's having a not so active day.
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@TheSwissWifeStyle: I've been debating getting one. How early did you start using it?
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@Leialou: Umm, I think it was around 14 weeks? I heard you can start using them at 12, but I'm not sure. The one I got is from the same company as this one, just a slightly different model:
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Don't know how I didn't see this earlier, but it's amazing-- spot-on actually. Somehow having someone else spell this out makes me feel so much less crazy!
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