We just found out our second baby is going to be a boy, due in July. I currently have an almost 3 year old daughter and I find myself struggling to process the news.
Originally I wanted one of each sex, so I'm not really disappointed, but I'm also not excited about it. I guess I had started to picture another little girl, just like my first. I find myself sad that my daughter won't have a sister, like I do. I know that being the same gender doesn't guarantee a great relationship, but my sister is my best friend, so I'm sad that my daughter for sure won't have that relationship. Also, the practical side of me is really disappointed that we won't be able to reuse all my daughter's clothing and I'll have to buy more. Sounds silly, but looking at all the adorable little dresses and outfits and knowing I'll never use them again is sad.
Honestly, I think that I'm struggling with the reality that I'm not going to just be my daughter's mom anymore, but also the mom to someone else and that seems scary. Another baby girl would have been much more familiar. Perhaps I'm just processing that our family is changing.
Anyone else struggle with the reality of adding a new baby to the family? Any positive stories about mixed gender siblings to share?
grapefruit / 4043 posts
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! I never understand why people assume everyone wants one of each, that one of each and you can be done, etc. I always wanted two girls specifically because I love my sister so much, so I understand exactly how you are feeling. I'd just be so happy to be having a second kid because all babies are truly miracles and, hey, you will now have one of both which I think makes having a third even easier. Best of luck to you and congratulations!!
cantaloupe / 6085 posts
I remember feeling really weird when we found out our second was a boy - like you, first was a girl and it was just familiar and expected. I went and bought some cute baby boy clothes (I love tiny boy clothes!) and that helped some but probably you just need time to get used to it all! I promise you will be into him when he comes. We have 2 girls / 1 boy and my boy is my most cuddly and lovey (and he’s turning 7 and still such a sweetheart).
pomelo / 5257 posts
Congratulations!! Your feelings are valid—I’m very close to my sister, too, and I really value our relationship. My two are mixed-gender—my son is five and my daughter is almost three. While I was personally excited to have the opposite gender for my second, hopefully it’ll be a comfort to you that my two are so close! They are finally getting to an age where they can play together independently, and they will go to our basement playroom and play on their own for an hour or more. They love each so much and it’s so sweet! From the adult perspective, my husband is also very close to his sister. I think you’re right that adding a second child is daunting in general, but I bet your daughter will be excited to have a little brother to love on!
pomelo / 5257 posts
I had very similar feelings when I found out LO2 was a boy. I don't have a sister and there are no sister pairs in my family so I felt like I missed my chance to see what the deal was about sisters. The little guy is 6 now and of course I love being his mom and couldn't picture it any other way. And he definitely wore some of the adorable dresses we saved from DD. We even have a photo in matching Princess Sofia outfits.
I think you've wisely identified the source of your feelings and you should give yourself time to adjust to the new information. As others have suggested looking for a cute outfit can help. I fell hard for a coordinating sister/brother outfit.
kiwi / 635 posts
My first two are boy and girl and they are super duper close! They have such a sweet relationship. I know many boy/girl sibling pairs who are close, get along well and play together so well. These pairs also seem to be able to play anything/everything together. They often balance each other out. My first two can spend hours coloring/crafting, talking, and also being very active together. Their play is more varied and balanced compared to boy/boy pairs or girl/girl pairs. (I also have two younger boys - so boy, girl, boy, and boy.)
I am close to my sister so I did go through mourning not having two girls but I am honestly so happy and thankful for my son and daughter’s very sweet relationship. It is new to me since I didn’t have that growing up, but I find it so special!!! Hope that makes you feel better!!
pomelo / 5563 posts
If it helps, my brother and I are very close and he's one of my favourite people! I have two boys so I didn't have the mixed gender thing but I definitely struggled with the feeling of taking attention away from my son - I feel like I didn't really enjoy my second pregnancy at all because I was so worried that I'd ruined my son's life by making him not the only child anymore. If it helps at all, though, baby boy clothes are super cute! I always thought of it like baby girl clothes are like little girl clothes but baby boy clothes are like little man clothes - button downs and suspenders, etc - and it's so much fun. Also the mom/son relationship and bond is amazing.
kiwi / 556 posts
Thank you for all the responses! It really helps to know that others have felt this way, and my kids can still have an amazing sibling relationship. I think writing it all out has helped me sort thoughts too. I'm beginning to think my hesitation has a lot more to do with the nervousness of adding a new baby to the family, rather than the gender of the baby. It was easier to picture just having another little one that was just like my first, which is obviously not what it would have been like even if it were another girl. Hearing the gender made the new baby a lot more real!
nectarine / 2797 posts
We have girl (9.5) and then boy (almost 6). They have been super close all through childhood, probably enhanced by the pandemic and having only each other for a long stretch! They have a lot of common interests - video games, building toys, sports, and he happily has tolerated wearing princess dress-ups and having his hair styled by his sister until recently. I also loved having an older girl because she was so helpful and mothering toward him and even is now - holding his hand onto the bus on his first day of K this year. Don't get me wrong, they fight a ton too, but so far I'm thrilled with their dynamic overall.
kiwi / 556 posts
@mamabolt: this is wonderful to hear! Thanks for sharing your experience. My kids will be about the same age gap as yours, so I'm hopeful they will be good friends too. 🤞
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
Your feelings are totally valid! There's been lots of good feedback above but I thought I would add my two cents since I have a girl/boy pair.
Mine are far apart in age (7 years difference) and similar to @mamabolt, they have a great dynamic. I was really nervous to have a boy after being SO used to everything girl-related for 7 years, but it has been very smooth.
Having my son really brought out some great things in my daughter. She absolutely LOVES him and does a great job with him. It feels like I have an extra pair of caring hands in the house, which I was not expecting at all. And my son just can't get enough of his big sis.
From a parenting standpoint, I feel like my daughter really pulled us to have to develop some new skills to be the kind of parents she needs. Being her parent can be so challenging. My son is the polar opposite. He makes me feel like a supermom, but I will say that I think my experience of him being "easier" is absolutely related to the fact that big sis is always around (and wants to) help! She can keep an eye on him when I go shower, or go grab him from his room after he wakes up from a nap, etc. He has another person in the house that can play with him, interact with him, keep him company, etc.
I think their age difference will hinder a close relationship in their teens/20s but I'm hoping once they are adults they will have a good bond. I try really hard not to make a big deal bout him being "easier" or pitting them against each other or anything of that sort.
As an only child, I am not really that well versed in sibling relationships, but there are other sibling relationships in my family that have had so many issues. I feel it is my duty as a parent to encourage their bond and help facilitate it as best I can.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
My son is 3.75 years younger than his sister. I also has weird feelings when I found out he was a boy. The one I remember the most was “I only have sisters and a daughter! I know nothing about boys!!!!!” The bond between my kids is so tight. My daughter fell head over heels in love with her baby brother. She would do anything for him - to the point where we had to tell her that she doesn’t have to give him the thing she’s playing with just because he asked. And she was (is) easily his favourite person. They are 8 and 4 now, and they still play together, make up games together. They cuddle up all the time when watching TV. It’s really been so lovely. And the clothes thing is real. I had a really hard time giving the girl clothes away - it was as if I was giving away that baby girl, even though the kid she had grown into was downstairs. So I kept a few items and powered through giving away the rest.
apricot / 398 posts
@Lahela017: Congratulations! I felt *exactly* the same as you when I found out that LO2 was going to be a boy (mine are not quite 4 years apart). Right down to being sad as I walked through the cute baby girl clothes aisles. I really had a hard time picturing myself as a mom of anyone besides my daughter (and therefore girls). That being said, as I'm sure you know will happen, as soon as they put my DS in my arms - everything changed. To start, he and I have a super special connection. Different from my DD and me. That's been such a wonderful surprise. Next, like someone else said, DD and DS actually have a surprising amount in common (he even inherited her old Marvel toys) but also I think the gender difference helps alleviate some tension so they don't have nearly as much sibling rivalry as I think there would be if my DD had a sister. They love each other dearly and I think/hope that they will continue to be close as they grow up. Plus, you never know about hand-me-downs. I have a bunch of friends with boys so I got to reuse their old baby clothes. It was fun to see how happy that made them. I actually get more hand-me-downs for my DS than I ever have for DD. Oh, and like a prior poster, I totally still have a bunch of baby girl clothes that I couldn't bear to part with. One day I may have a granddaughter...
Glad you're being honest with your feelings! I hope you enjoy your last few months of pregnancy.
kiwi / 556 posts
Thank you so much to everyone who has replied to me!! It has helped so much to have my feelings normalized. I was feeling rather ashamed of how I felt, which made it so much worse.
I took the advice of a few of you and bought a few baby boy outfits and put them in my closet. It was fun to buy them and now when I look at them in my closet I'm starting to get very excited. It helped a lot, as has having some time to adjust and process.
I'm still dreading going through my daughter's boxed up baby clothes to see what I can find that's more gender neutral, but after that task is done I think I'll have fun picking out some more boy things.
persimmon / 1023 posts
Congratulations! I’m late to this but wanted to give another perspective. I have two boys and wanted two boys so I was excited when we found out. BUT. As the pregnancy progressed I thought omg what if he’s not as wonderful as his big brother?! I had these bizarre dreams that it was devastating that the baby was born with jet black hair and not red hair like his brother, that they were totally different and I wouldn’t be able to love him the same. All this to say, you may have felt similar even if it was another girl and I think it’s totally normal and common to experience what you described!
By the way, my boys both ended up with red hair but also couldn’t be more different in amazing ways that are totally ‘them’ ️