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I think exactly as you did. And they may not have the words to explain it, so labeling emotions help, even labeling and modeling how we handle our feelings. I would have to wait for the calm before my son will talk to me. He's a scorpio and I see how sensitive he is and little things would cause huge eruptions. Labeling gives the words to say, "mommy I feel frustrated/sad/angry/irritated about...." instead of blowing up.

We had some meltdowns this morning with our 3 year old. The last one which I was around for (DH handled the other 2) was about breakfast. I'm not sure if he gave him the choice, but DH had made him a bowl of cereal and he freaked out and said he wanted a waffle.

We basically just sat there calmly and let him kind of be upset for a while and I think us ignoring him made him calm down. After I finished my breakfast I reminded him that this was his opportunity to eat breakfast. He ended up going over to DH and getting a hug. DH kind of talked to him quietly and tried to recognize his feelings by asking if he was sad.

Also, have you thought about maybe seeing an occupational therapist for your daughter's tactile sensitivities? It seems to be something that she really struggles with .