This is something I've thought a lot about, but I haven't come to any conclusions. Do you think it is personality, or can it be taught? If so, how? By example? How do you balance it with not being too pushy? And what does it look like to you? Taking the initiative? Being determined? Doing what has to be done?
LO is still young, but I've wondered about this idea for a long time. I would love to hear your thoughts!
apricot / 457 posts
I think you can definitely encourage it. I read somewhere you should praise your child for the effort that goes into something, rather than the outcome. It teaches a sense of pride for working hard and trying no matter the outcome.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I actually asked my mom this question recently. I feel like both my brother and I were raised basically the same, but he started slacking in high school, dropped out of college, and just doesn't seem that motivated. Whereas I got my master's and always excelled in school and now at work.
I asked her what the difference was between us (specifically what did THEY do differently to cause us to be so different) and she said "Nothing! You were just ALWAYS more motivated than Brother and nothing we tried to do seemed to have an impact in either of you!"
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
This is coming from my own experience, but, I think we had to see our parents struggle to pay bills and see power turned off in our house to see that we had to work hard to make money. Also, we knew my parents escaped from Vietnam with just a high school diploma and came to America to give us better opportunities. So we saw how hard my dad and mom worked to make ends meet. I think we all wanted not be like our parents and their financial issues, so it motivated us. Though part of it is genetic, too. Everyone in my family is a workaholic.
I worry about my own kids. I won't struggle like my parents did so it will be different for us. Though, not sure I would ever want to put my kids through some of the stuff we did to get where we are. There was definitely 'tough love' in our household.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I don't think so, I think it is a personality trait. For example my 2 cousins raised the same. One is a dentist who always excelled in school and did well in life overall, the other bounces job to job, lives a very um....trashy lifestyle to be honest, he has no motivation to better his life for his family, and his wife is no better. Their father is one of the hardest working man I know, always went above and beyond to provide for his family and did so successfully.
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
My parents instilled a strong work ethic in all three of us. Both my parents are entrepreneurs, and my dad would take us to work with him in the summers. It was grunt work, like filing and updating vendor records, but once we were 13 we could expect a few days each summer in his office!
My parents taught us to save. We each had savings accounts and were told to put 50% of any money we were given into our savings. They'd match it, like a retirement fund.
They gave us anything we needed, within reason. When I was 15 I wanted an expensive pair of jeans and my mom said no way, you have to work for it. We didn't get paid to do chores - those were considered household responsibility- so I got working papers and for my first part time job at 15.
Paycheck a were expected to go straight to the bank. All three of us got a checking account with our first jobs. If I wanted a cell phone, I had to be able to pay the bill. Fancy clothes? I had to pay.
In other words, if you wanted something you had to earn it. Nothing in life was handed to you.
My brother and sister were held to the same set of standards. We were expected to keep our grades up, too. They were more involved with sports so my parents were lax on them getting a job (though my sister did work summers).
All three of us did great in college. My brother graduated at the top of his class. All three of us have great jobs.
I think there's something to be said about pride, too. It's one thing to be given something, but it's really great being able to say "look what I worked for! I did this on my own!"
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I definitely think so because I think work ethic is strongly tied to discipline, and I think discipline can be taught. There will always be outliers, but in general, I think it's a skill that can be taught.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
I think it's part nature, part nurture. I feel like modeling a desired behavior is the best way to go, but it's also part innate.
cantaloupe / 6687 posts
@Mrs. Jump Rope: your parents did an amazing job! I would love to instill these types of values/skills in my kids.
I think it's more than just leading by example - you can't just show them what hard work is. It's more like what @Mrs. Jump Rope's parents did - make the tough decisions to teach your kids life lessons. Don't bail them out and do the feel good thing of handing them everything they ever wanted just bc you can - make them work for privileges, teach them to work hard and take pride in their accomplishments, show them things in life are earned with hard work and that they aren't just entitled to a good life. It's so hard but somehow kids need to learn that they need to contribute
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
Yes, absolutely. Some will take it and develop more ambition than others, but knowing that you have to work to take care of yourself and your family can absolutely be taught (or not taught).
I think a lot of young adults are falling back on their parents because they can, whereas natural consequences (get a job or be homeless) would cause them to learn a lot more quickly. I think the teaching starts when kids are very young (work equals money...no allowance just for being around) and you require responsiblilty, hoping when they are grown it will stick. But when parents enable their grown children "out of love" it can handicap them.
eggplant / 11824 posts
@Adira: This is my brother and I too! He’s only 3 years younger but is a total negative “Generation Y worker” stereotype. It’s weird how different we are when we were raised in the same household with the same parenting rules!
I think it’s a combination of basic personality and parenting. In our house, good grades were always an expectation, not something to be rewarded in a special way just for getting them. When I was a teenager, I was expected to pay my own car insurance, upkeep, gas, etc. and to earn my own spending $$ for things that I wanted; so I got a job. We were expected to do chores, again, with no special reward for completing them – doing chores was always just part of being a family member.
I also think we were raised to want “nicer” things (not in a materialistic way): like, we were raised with the expectation of college, with a love of traveling and seeking out new places and adventures, of buying quality over quantity, in building and having a career, owning a home, etc. and in order to do/have those things, you have to work for them. The reward was built-into our upbringing as well, so we could see where the hard work would take us.
I also think you can teach by example. I go to work every day, even though some days I would much rather spend the day with LO, or spend the day napping and doing stuff around the house. That’s part of being a grownup; calling in every time you don’t feel like working isn’t an option.
eggplant / 11716 posts
I definitely think you can teach a kid a certain amount of responsibility, which will help with developing a good work ethic.
If I take myself as an example...I'm a pretty lazy person by nature, and my ideal day is taking naps and reading books all day. But I manage to have a job and a marriage and a kid, and I'm somewhat successful in keeping all of those plates spinning--and I think that's because my parents tried hard to instill a good work ethic in all of us. They also gave us no safety net after we were 18. There was no "moving back in and living off mom and dad" possibility, so when a lot of my college friends were partying so hard they couldn't even get to class, I was working to pay my own rent, working to pay my tuition. I managed to get a whooole lot of partying in myself, but I could never go off the deep end because I had responsibilities.
I think without what my parents did, I could easily be a 30-something slacker with no real job, family, etc.
pineapple / 12566 posts
I think it's 70% nature 30% nurture. I've always been a go-getter, very driven and focused. My brother, not so much. But, midway through high school when he finally decided to apply himself, he went from a solid C student to a mostly A student. I'm not sure if it is something that can be taught, the person has to want it too. For children, I think using positive reinforcement and setting some realistic expectations could possibly help create the right mindset.
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