I keep going back and forth over if I should have a third child or not. I have two boys who are 2 and 4 years old, and life is good right now. They both sleep through the night, they play together well, and I am comfortable taking them places by myself. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a daughter, and I know I can't guarantee I would get one, but I also think two kids seems like a small family. I imagine holidays and family gatherings, and everything seems more fun with more people. But I can't bring myself to commit to TTC, because I'm nervous that I'll throw my life into chaos and I won't be able to juggle the needs of three kids and their different schedules. I am someone who likes to feel in control, and I also appreciate having alone time and quiet, so I'm not sure having three kids is compatible with that. I can't tell if I really want another child or if I'm just romanticizing large families. Has anyone felt similarly? What did you end up doing?
coconut / 8483 posts
I knew that I've always wanted more Han two. But I'm also in a similar spot lifestyle wise right now. My son is 3.5 and my daughter is almost 1.5. They both sleep great. I can manage them both alone (and have to a lot due to my husbands schedule).
I just feel like someone is missing. We aren't done. We are currently TTC after a MC this summer.
Not sure if that was helpful! But I basically feel like I won't regret having more but will regret only having 2.
blogger / persimmon / 1231 posts
We have an almost five year old, three year old, and 4 month old. I felt very similar - I love/need order and also quiet time to recharge. I was nervous about a third but it just came down to a gut feeling that we weren't done and someone was missing. I can tell you that at least for me - it's been wonderful. Of course the newborn days are tough, but watching the older two truly understand what's going on, get excited for the baby to come, love on her when she's here... wow. It's so so special. And I have that feeling I've been waiting for - that this is it. A feeling of completeness. I can get through the tough times easier because I know what's to come. And it's fun to talk about what we'll do once we're out of babyhood for good (family camping trips!). All in all - very happy we had a third.
coconut / 8483 posts
@Mrs. Deer: I really want that "we are complete!" Feeling. I'm hoping it will come after one more.
pomelo / 5524 posts
For me, I knew we were complete after 2. If you have any inkling that you aren't, then it might be time to see if #3 will complete your family.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
We have the same gap - 2 boys, one is 3 and one is 16 months old. When my youngest turned 1, I didn't feel done but we decided to wait a few months and reassess. Pregnancy and newborns are terrible for me, I need another C-section, I'll probably get PPA/PPD again, I hate breastfeeding, and I am an introvert who needs time to myself. Also we are a schedule family. Not to mention a third would cost a fortune because we'd need to get a nanny.
We still felt incomplete a few months later, but decided to wait a full year before TTC and really fully enjoy our boys right now as a family. It's been a really nice motivator to soak up our guys now and take them for fun adventures before a baby throws off the flow for a bit. I know we won't regret having another but I also want to enjoy what we have now.
pomelo / 5720 posts
I have a similar personality and was on the fence for a long time about having a third. I'm 25w with #3 now and there are still plenty of moments where I wonder how it's all going to work when he gets here. That said, I know we won't regret it and neither of us felt like our family was totally complete, so I know it was the right decision. We will have about a 3.5 and 5.5 year age gap and I'm hoping that the ages of our older two will help ease the transition for all of us. I'm also hoping what others have said about the 3rd being more of a "go with the flow" kind of baby holds true for us.
apricot / 264 posts
I have three and overall it came down to the feeling I was missing one. My 1st two are 20 months apart. And literally a month after DS2 was born, I just knew I had a 3rd baby waiting for me. There is a 2 year age gap between the last two. Many days it is very hard but the love completely outweighs the difficult parts. After my 3rd was born, I felt my family was whole.
My husband would have followed my lead whether we stayed with two or had more. We now both feel 3 is perfect for us.
grapefruit / 4800 posts
We have 3 and had similar thoughts even though 3 had always been our plan, we just had hit a comfy spot. For us chaos def came with 3, my daughter started K that year and brought home every cold she could find and 3 going through colds is no fun, the bedtime routine was def thrown for a loop and some regression from our middle child and getting everyone happy at the same time sometimes is tricky. But for all the lack of sleep we have a terrific little guy who has made our family feel really complete and the kids have a lot of fun together and brought lots of love, we just take a little longer getting out of the house
olive / 55 posts
I think you should def go for it
I had 2 boys and was on the fence about a third. It really hit me when my youngest turned 2 that I wasn’t done having babies! My hubby was reluctant though and we took a 6 month break from baby #3 talk. When that time was up I ended up coming home with a Costco size bottle of prenatal vitamins and left them on the kitchen counter. My husband was just like ok I guess we are doing this then haha. Our baby girl is now 4 months old! I feel 10000% done and forced my poor hubby to get snipped immediately. The boys are 4 & 3 and I love the 3 year age gap between the youngest & the baby! It was def the right decision for us even though our life is way crazier now
grapefruit / 4187 posts
i have two boys, 4 and 1, and I couldn't possibly be more certain that our family is complete. Parenting definitely does not come naturally to us and it's been a struggle to adjust. We do better every day. But a third would throw our world into chaos and put too much stress on us for sure. Even if we were blessed with the easiest baby in the world.
nectarine / 2466 posts
I have a 4 year old, almost 3 year old and an 8 month old ( 8 months tomorrow!) When I was pregnant with #2, I thought I was going to be done ( at least for a few years.) I had a deep feeling that something was missing, and having 2 girls, dh wanted to try one more time for a boy. I asked dh to get snipped while I was pregnant because I was so positive I was done ( he wouldn't.) We had another girl, and I still feel like I have one more baby in me. Dh is on the same page, we both feel like we want another baby, but we both know that for many many reasons, 4 might not be realisric.. it's always a big decision. A lot of people say, you know when you're done, but sometimes, I feel like I'll never feel done.
pomegranate / 3601 posts
We had always said that we either want two or three kids, I was leaning more towards three, DH to two. When LO2 was around 14/15 months old and more or less done nursing my DH suddenly said that he really feels like one more would be fun. So we went for it and now we’re rocking a family of 6 because our no. 3 turned out to be no. 3 & 4 and honestly it’s the best thing ever. Like others have said I think you’ll likely never regret the children you have just the ones you don’t have. Going from one on one parenting to zone defense also wasn’t too much of an adjustment for us because even with two that’s what we did more often. Is our house crazy? Yes most definitely but I think it’s also amazing and there’s just so much love too!
clementine / 950 posts
I’m mory following because I have the same dilemma (with a reluctantly willing hubby and a logical brain being wtf is wrong with you haha)
I have googled “should I have a third baby” so many times. Ultimately we did half heartedly try the last couple of months but was has been illuminating for me is how reluctant hubby really is... like he said yes but I can see that he is really not wanting this.
I think as sad as it is for me If there’s no miracle this month I’ll probably stop pushing him and try and accept my family for the amazing ness it is, even if it’s amallwr than I have always pictured.
Lots of love mama! I felt so alone with this but definitely lots of us out there!
pomelo / 5220 posts
I kind of thought I wanted just two but very shortly after we had our second, I knew I wanted a third. Our family just doesn't feel complete. DH feels the same way. We just aren't ready to say we are done and it doesn't feel like we are done. I'm getting older so I feel like we might not wait as long between these two (our first are 2 years, 9 months apart).
papaya / 10560 posts
We have 2 that are 17 months apart and just had a third. I don't regret it for a second. We knew that financially we'd be slightly more strained with 3 in child care (2 in private school, 1 in daycare), have to get a larger vehicle, another mouth to feed, diaper, etc. It's been worth every second. I love my older two but our family didn't feel 100% complete. They had been asking for a little brother or sister and the timing felt right. My opinion is that of just go for it! It will always work out.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
I'm in a weird place, I feel like someone's missing from the family, but at the same time something is telling me "not now!" Logically, if we were to TTC now our kids would not get a summer vacation outside the city, because we'd be saving up vacation days for maternity leave. Also logically, if we'd TTC next summer, if we're lucky, I might end up on leave just in time for the end of school, and we wouldn't have to put DS in a summer camp.
I really can't take summer vacation from the kids. We did it this year and it was magical. I guess the decision will have to wait a few months... though our age is not on our side!