I think we are stopping at two kids. 
My husband and I would both really like one more, but we think our lives are best to accommodate just two kids for various short and long term reasons. Is anyone stopping at their current number of kids, even though in a perfect world they would like one more? It's just a little sad for me because more and more this feels like a final decision.
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We haven't 100% decided because we haven't had #2 yet but we'll likely be in the same position. We would both hypothetically like to have a third kid but the logistics overwhelm us as a home with two working parents.
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@agold: this is probably us. I'm almost 36, we had to use fertility treatments for our two boys. We live in a very high COL area. We plan on moving within the next two years but I'm just not sure if I want to be almost 40 and pregnant. It would be nice if we had an "oops" but considering I haven't used BC in 13 years and we never did, I'm not holding my breath.
We both would like one more, but the older my youngest gets (almost 2.5 yo), the more I feel like we are just going to be done.
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In a perfect world I’d like more children. But my body can’t handle pregnancy and birth again, and we just can justify what the expense would do to our lives. Plus, I’ve put my career on hold to have children and I’m finally getting my masters degree. All things considered, we decided to stop at two, and we took permanent measures. And honestly, it feels right. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel a little sad from time to time.
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We only have one LO currently. For a long time we didn't agree on having another. Now we both want a second but are not sure we should for a variety of reasons. It's sad, stressful, complicated, and confusing. We haven't officially ruled it out yet... but it doesn't seem very likely.
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@skinnycow: Yes, I am also a two working parent household. It can be tough. I hope your transition with the second baby is as easy as possible!
@KT326: I'm so sorry to hear about your 13 years hoping for an oops. My first is an IVF baby after 5 years trying, and my second was a free bonus surprise baby. I'm not even sure if a third would be possible. But I hear you on the age and high cost of living. Two big issues for me, also. And interesting that you feel more being done as your baby gets older. I am wondering if I will feel differently when my baby turns 2 next year.. but I am not sure I will.
@mrsrain: How soon did you take permanent measures. That is what my husband and I are talking about. And good for you for advancing your career. I waited to have kids while I advanced my career, and then I worry I waited to long. If I had started earlier, maybe I would have a third by now. But no going back.
@catgirl: Yes to all of those emotions. I can imagine life with one child can be absolutely beautiful! I often think back to how easy it was with just one. And think ahead about how hard it would be with three!
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*raising hand*
My husband and I both like the idea of 3 and even have the room for it in our home but... as a 37 year old working mom of a 3 and 4 year old... I just don't think we are ever going to do it.
It makes me sad. Especially when people ask if we are done, but I just don't see us actually having any more.
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@agold: Life with one could be absolutely wonderful! We talk a lot about how whether we have another or not, we will be happy. We feel lucky to have our DD and try to always remember that. If we don't have another I will be sad in so many ways but I will embrace the amazing life we can have as a family of three.
It's currently the uncertainty that I struggle with. The will we or won't we discussions. They are emotionally draining and I feel like we are unable to make real decisions in other areas of our life.
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@agold: I should probably clarify, we weren't trying for that long, we just weren't preventing and if it happened, it happened!
For me, the older my kids get the easier it has become. I'm not sure I want to go through the newborn stage again. I'm ready to move on from the stroller and all the stuff we need to lug around to go anywhere. As much as I would love a third child, I just don't see it happening. I do go through periods of severe baby fever, but they are pretty short-lived. And a lot of my friends are having babies so I get baby snuggles through them!
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I'm right there with you! But we're currently exploring foster/adoption so while I still am sad that I'm biologically done, I am excited for the future. But we're still in the beginning stages so it might not even happen for another year at the very least.
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yes, this is us.
Lately I've been focuing on the line "I like the idea of a 3rd kid, but I wouldn't like the reality." ..... and honestly I think that is true.
I'd love the child, but the reality of managing a household of 3 kids as 2 WOHMs on 2 teacher salaries with a strained childcare system.... no. -
@agold: We’ve been talking about this and I think we are done. We would love more but my sanity, our time, financially etc it’s probably best to have two. We will see after having this baby!
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@RonjaL7: Ditto to all of that.
@catgirl: My sister has one child and I get silly envious of how easy her life seems!And yes to the uncertainty. That is what is tough right now. I'm thinking when husband gets the snip, the uncertainty will go away. I hope a deep sadness or regret doesn't set in. But it would be nice to know we are on to the next chapter of our lives.
@catgirl: Got it. And yes to going our easier! I have actually stayed pretty holed up in my house the last year because its just so easy and comfortable to stay home. But I miss getting out!
@graceandjoy: That is something excited to look forward to in the future! I'd love to foster one day and pray the opportunity will present itself to us.
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My last pregnancy and birth turned out very differently from the way I wanted. I had crash c-section, preemie, long NICU stay, and there's an uncertain long-term health prognosis for baby.
I really wish I could have a do-over. It is especially tempting because this baby is extremely sweet, cuddly, and happy. He's still a baby, but, about as sweet and chill as a baby can be; I will miss his sweet babyness a lot when he gets older.
But I'm not sure I really want 3 kids. We certainly don't have the space or financial resources to make a 3rd kid a smart choice. And I think my body has been about as clear as it can be that I need to cease and desist with this whole pregnancy thing (four losses including an ectopic pregnancy between my kids, placenta previa, significant previa hemorrhage, etc).
So, no do-over for me.
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@agold: That is literally the only thing keeping me from being so sad to be done! I feel the exact same way you do. Turning 35 this year, work full time, high COL area, etc. I feel like if we foster, hopefully my state/county will be of some financial help. And if we adopt, I know we can fund raise, and it also has nothing to do with my biological clock (I did not want give birth past 35).
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@lilyofthewest: I understand wanting a do-over. I moved while on maternity leave. I think the move created a lot of stress that I wish I didn't have to experience during the first year of my sweet awesome wild second baby. I think my brain is telling my no more for various reasons! (see my prior post on this issue). So yea. I hear you on your body saying no.
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@graceandjoy: I follow some awesome foster moms from my area. They are all stay at home moms, though. I didn't really know how it would work to be a foster mom while working full time. But I hope it works out for you - and for me one day!
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@agold: There was another thread here a while ago and I had asked that question and apparently they can go to daycare just the same, etc. So while I would still prefer adoption over fostering, I did find out that it's not completely impossible like I have always thought!
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We are also stopping after 2 and its pretty final. My husband actually wanted to stop after 1 so we both got what we wanted. I am about to give birth to #2 on Monday and at first I was really sad about it being our last (last pregnancy etc.) but the more I thought about it the better I felt about our decision that works out better for our lives.
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I would in my heart, love one more, but then quite often the 2 I have drive me crazy and then I'm reminded why adding more chaos would be a bad idea.
My DH is pretty set on being done, but we haven't taken permanent measures yet either.
As the kids get older it does get easier to embrace being done - we're in a place at 4 and 2 where we can do more, they are less needy and more independent which is great. -
@josina: Seriously... We finally get to the place where they can play together ALONE sometimes and I am not about to mess that up, lol!
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@josina: @graceandjoy: Good to know that at 4 and 2, things get better!
Its already getting a little better a 2.5 and 1, like I went to the grocery store and target the other day by myself with both kids and no one cried. -
@agold: I feel like between 1-2 was definitely hard. It was easier when #2 wasn't mobile so I had more control. Between 1-2, #2 is just desperately trying to be active and wanting to do what #1 is doing. #1 gets frustrated b/c #2 doesn't listen/follow her directions. So now at almost 4.5 and almost 2.5 (I have both girls), they start to have longer and longer stretch of alone playtime before someone starts crying.
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I always thought I wanted 2 kids and had a perfect timeline all set. I had my Mirena removed in January to start trying this month and I just completely changed my mind. As others have said, I love the thought of one more in theory, but in reality, there are so many factors pointing to why we should be one and done. We aren’t closing the door on another child, but it’s definitely not happening right now
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@agold: I'm not even brave enough to take 2 kids out alone on errands... honestly I've done it like twice in over 2 years! So a good reason to be done since I'd have no choice with 3 kids.
@graceandjoy: Our kiddo's are the same age... and the times where they play nicely together are sooo nice, but then they're followed by fighting/yelling/wrestling. Ugh. -
I am really happy to see this post because it's something I've been struggling with a lot lately. Just this morning my DD asked me if I was going to have another baby, bringing us to 3 kids. I grew up in a family of 3 kids and sort of always imagined having 3 myself, but for all of the reasons others have said (chaos, finances, 2 work out of home parents, don't know if I want to be pregnant/go through baby stage again), it probably won't happen. Sigh. On the other hand, if I'm really honest, my family feels complete as is. I couldn't say that before my DS was born.
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We did, at least for me. I would have loved a third, and maybe a fourth, but it just wasn’t feasible. Mainly financially - two in daycare is already so expensive! - but also because I want my kids to have the kind of life I had growing up, with their own rooms and travel and stuff, and I couldn’t see how we could do that with more.
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I’m right there too! Part of me would love a third, but the day to day aspect would be hard to manage. Also I loved being pregnant and giving birth, for me it was just such an empowering experience. And it’s hard to think I’ll never go through it again. Plus during my last pregnancy there was so much going on I couldn’t really enjoy it and wish for a do-over in a way as well.
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I can't read all these but it makes me feel much less alone. We have two and I so dearly want another but I don't think it's in the cards. I am still clinging to some baby things and I can't fully let it go. I am not yet too old, but money is very tight and so is space.
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I would ideally like one more. My husband is DONE at two. It’s hard.
I understand it would be harder to be outnumbered. Plus we live in an extremely HCOL area, so it would be a big challenge. But it’s so hard to imagine being done with the baby stage. I would love a newborn to snuggle right about now!
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@agold: Two is good practically, if I was younger maybe my limit would be 4 and if I was privileged so the practicalities weren’t such an issue.
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Also I wanted to add that what kills me sometimes is the "you will never regret another!" sentiment, which I know it's true, but makes it that much harder to not think about it!
FWIW, my SIL decided to go for a 3rd. Their lives are that much more chaotic for sure, but obviously no regrets for them. But they also have a huge house and make more than enough to have like 5 more kids haha.
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I really want a third but my husband is ready to just be done. We've had 3 losses (2 before our second child and one after) and I had a stressful postpartum complication last time so my recovery was particularly difficult. We also both work full time and I'm 39. Plus our older guy is almost 7 and the thought of starting over with a baby makes us sad that we'd have to hold off on certain types of travel, etc. With that said, my husband agreed to try again for two more months and then I agreed to try to put this longing for #3 behind me (if these two attempts don't work). I'm definitely struggling with this decision on a daily basis.
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I'm due any day with our second and my husband is done with bio kids (if I'm being honest I am too after how much harder this pregnancy has been). He already has an appointment with a urologist to set up a vasectomy.
I'm a bit sad to not experience pregnancy again but honestly it's been so hard to carry a baby after 30 as opposed to before, I can't imagine doing this again in 2-3 years.We do plan to Foster and possibly adopt once this little is over 3 so we aren't totally closing the door on further kids, just ones that I have to birth
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We have a 6 yo and 3 yo and while I would love to have one more, we are done. My husband has always wanted two, so he has been done since the 3 yo was born. Before we had two, I thought that's what I wanted (actually I would have been ok stopping at one), but ever since DD2 was born I have kind of wanted a third.
But I don't want a third pregnancy or baby, I want a third 2+ year old. My mental health can't handle a third pregnancy or baby, and our logistics can't really handle a third child. We have demanding jobs that we like, and no nearby family help, so we are holistically better off with two. And having bigger kids is amazing - we both have enough time to pursue some of our interests that we put off during the baby years. I love my little family, but I think I will always secretly mourn my third baby.
My mom once told me she secretly wanted a third, but my dad said they couldn't afford it (they could, but not at the lifestyle they wanted, I guess). She even told me the name she had picked out! Maybe I really am becoming my mother...
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@hitchhiker: this is so funny because I want a third baby but definitely not a third two year old lol! When my second was 0-12mo I was desperate for a third but as my youngest has gotten older (now 3) I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re probably done as well.
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@gotkimchi: Funny. People are so different - something that parenting reminds me every day!
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I think if all of these things were met I'd want a third child:
-low cost of living area
-living near family
-husband working more traditional hours and not traveling as muchWhere our life is (and none of this will change except perhaps my husbands job demands):
-high cost of living area
-far from family
-husband travels 90% of the year -
@gotkimchi: Right there with you! I love a snuggly baby. Once they start getting mobile and having opinions, I’m ready to trade for a new newborn
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Yeah I'm pregnant with number 3 right now and the thought that this baby will be our last makes me very sad. In a perfect world I would a bunch of kids. I love kids so much! My children make me so happy. However I'm afraid DH and I will get spread too thin and not be able to be there for each child. I dont want my kids "getting lost" I was the oldest of 4 and even some of us felt lost at times. Also for money reasons. My husband wanted to stop at 3 but left it up to me. I've been really thinking a lot lately and the other day I told him we will be officially done once this baby gets here safely.
My DH is pretty set on being done, but we haven't taken permanent measures yet either.
Its already getting a little better a 2.5 and 1, like I went to the grocery store and target the other day by myself with both kids and no one cried. Subscribe to our newsletter
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