Hellobee Boards

@agold: we’ve talked about this before, but samesies re everything. I feel a little disappointed in myself, but kind of like @DesertDreams88: said, idea sounds great but in reality: the money and time and energy required I think would spread me thin to the point of breaking, plus my husband and I both really dislike living in chaos and disorder, not to mention the pregnancy. I do feel a lot lighter knowing that I never have to worry about the whole scary world of ttc/pregnancy/newborn days again. But then deep down I think that only two is a tiny bit sad. So, solidarity.

@Shantuck:

I want one more ( I have one) but DH and I compromised before we were married on 1. And then 1 was very hard to have,..IVF, Micropreemie. So I use those things to justify but I still wish I had two. But there are lots of benefits to just having one!

@mrsrain: This is me exactly.

I always envisioned myself with 3 children, but I just can't do it again. Getting pregnant both times was difficult and heartbreaking, and I just don't think I could do it again. I also get really bad morning sickness and don't enjoy pregnancy.
More importantly, DH isn't willing and has never been willing to have a 3rd (he expressed that when we first started dating.) He knows his limits. There is a part of me that is sad since my daughter is 8 months old now and not the teeny tiny baby. The part of me that wants another baby really just wants to relive the moments that I think I took for granted because I was too tired/frustrated/exhausted. It's the part of me that wishes I had studied their tiny faces more while I nursed instead of looking at my phone, reading, or watching tv. It's the part of me that still listens to the "enjoy every moment" platitude. I know I studied their faces, I just wish I had done it "more." The thing is, I don't love the baby phase. I love babies and I specifically love my children, but I don't love the shift in my role or the overwhelming dependency on me.

Anyway, we've taken permanent measures, so that chapter is done, I am trying to focus on where we are headed vs what we are leaving behind and it's a little exciting to plan what we envision for our family. I have to keep reminding myself that whether you have one child or twelve, there will be always be the last baby.

I want one more. DH wants one more. But the rational side of me is like, we are drowning now so why would we add to the craziness of life... We can sort of afford it (daycare. woof.) and we have the space in our house. But I feel so tired and like a sh*t mom to my 2 that I already have because of work and long commutes that I don't know how I would handle it. I think if we had a third I'd need to seriously think about quitting my job for a while and that isn't really an option or a desire (Where are these elusive amazing part time jobs?!). We just aren't there yet so the waiting game continues. My youngest is 2 and I'm 36 so we probably need to decide soon. My heart and head have 2 different discussions on a daily basis.

We went through this after lo1 and then we had secondary infertility so we did treatments and they got to be too much (physically, mentally, emotionally and financially) so we decided to stop. It took me a while to get to that point but once I did I felt oddly fine with it. It happened for me when I was talking to one friend who asked me if I was happy... in that moment with DH and LO1 and I was... That's when I decided we were done even though I wanted one more.

This past year we went through the whole "stay at 2 or go for 3" and went back and forth. Finally we sat down and hashed it all out (actually during a layover at an airport, the only time we have to have such a complex conversation!). We decided that we were more interested in reliving a phase vs. actually adding another person to our family. So, no third. For six months after that I still went back and forth. But then we hit a hard patch (expenses, extracurriculars, work, etc.) and I kept thinking how glad I was to not be pregnant or have a third. Right now I honestly feel like I'm just running through my days without really experiencing anything....I could use more time to just soak up my kids in this phase. Plus my youngest is four and we can do really fun stuff, like let them play outside with less direct supervision, go on big extended family campouts and hike trips where the kids sort of band together, go kayaking as a family, longer hikes, extended road trips, etc....the idea of putting big kid stuff off for another 3+ years is unappealing to me now. Plus I've started developing some new goals. Secretly I have a hard time imagining what my trajectory will be once my youngest is in school so having a third was a way to temporarily relieve that anxiety. But that's not a reason to add another person to our family and I need to trust that I will find other things to dig into as my kids become more independent.