Do I just let her scream and scream and scream??

By Cherrybee Jul 7, 2015

This has got to stop. E is 2 this month and she still doesn't STTN. But worse than this is the fact that she still wont go to sleep without an hour and a half of screaming.

For the last year, we have been letting her "CIO with checks"... but its not getting any better. At all. 6 months ago, we tried letting her CIO with no checks and she screamed until she was sick - all over herself, the bed and the floor. So we never tried that again.. But this isn't working. Me and DH are both at our wits ends - we cant take any more - so we have decided to try CIO with no checks again.....

....... She is currently screaming. Really, hideously screaming. And its not letting up.

Is this how its done?? I cant help but think that this cant be right - she's gasping for breath and screaming the house down. It has been 25mins so far. Do I just leave her screaming until she crashes out??

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T.H.O.U.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

Jul 7, 2015

My daughter was kinda like that. Is she still in a crib?

We did a modified version. We told her (at like age 18 months) that she had to lay down if she wanted us to stay and rub her back. If she stood up and yelled to be picked up, we would immediately turn our back and leave the room. We would let her scream for a good 2 minutes and then go back in and ask if she wanted to lay down. Basically repeated over and over until she learned that if she wanted us to stay with her she had to be laying down not talking.
avivoca
watermelon / 14467 posts

Jul 7, 2015

Oh my goodness, that is so, so rough. I've had to do that during tantrums and it. is. awful. 40 minutes of non-stop screaming, and she's doing it for longer than that! You poor things.

I don't have anything in the way of advice. Maybe go outside to your patio or porch so at least you aren't sitting in there listening? Do you have a video monitor where you can turn the sound down but still be able to check on her? That always helped me when we did CIO.
Truth Bombs
grapefruit / 4321 posts

Jul 7, 2015

I never did CIO with my LO, but at 2 years old, yes, I think you have to. If you go in there, you're teaching her that screaming works to get what she wants (you to come in and delay bed time).
Mrs. Pickle
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts

Jul 7, 2015

Yeah, I think at 2 you might have to unfortunately.

Can you take a glass of wine outside and turn on some music to drown her out?
StrawberryBee
nectarine / 2530 posts

Jul 7, 2015

I'm so sorry hon! no advice, just big hugs
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@avivoca: We have music on so we cant hear her - then in between songs we hear her.

@T.H.O.U.: She is in a floor bed now. The change worked for two nights, then she started playing up again. She gets out and runs about the room when we first leave, then she pulls her bed out from the wall and yells! But for the last half hour she has bern kneeling on her bed just crying hysterically.
snowjewelz
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts

Jul 7, 2015

I have no advice since 7 mo DD doesn't STTN either, I just want to send a hug
T.H.O.U.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

Jul 7, 2015

What do you do in the middle of the night?
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@T.H.O.U.: I let her whimper for a bit and sometimes she goes back to sleep but if it turns to crying I go in, bring her into our room and give her cuddles and milk. Then I pop her back in her bed and she goes back to sleep without a peep. If I try to just put her dummy (paci) in, do cuddles without milk or milk without cuddles we have meltdown. I do this at least once a night.
BabyBoecksMom
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts

Jul 7, 2015

oh poor momma! What happens if you stay in there with her?
daniellemybelle
cantaloupe / 6669 posts

Jul 7, 2015

Yeah, I think you gotta do it. Do you have a monitor where you can talk to her through it? I am wondering if you can reassure her that way without going in, she won't get so worked up. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@BabyBoecksMom: She asks to go and watch Peppa Pig and cries when i ignore the request. She wont stay lying down in her bed while I'm in there. She wont even lie calmly for stories these days, she leaps up and tries to grab the book.
Greentea
pomelo / 5678 posts

Jul 7, 2015

I don't do CIO, but my DD has never fit into any supposed "norm." We hang out in her room at night until she falls asleep.

Do you wear her out before bed with playing/running and books etc?
MamaG
pomelo / 5298 posts

Jul 7, 2015

What does her bedtime routine look like? What time is she going to bed? How many hours of "sleep" is she getting?

How communicative is she? LO just really started speaking at that age, so I don't know if she can attempt to tell you what she's bothered by.

You mention floor bed, does she have a lovey? A night light?

At that age our LO slept with a bed full of CRAP! A ridiculous number of blankets and stuffed animals that apparently brought her comfort.
rachiecakes
coconut / 8279 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: I'd let her wear herself out. My son gets overtired and will really ramp up and go crazy, sometimes for a long while, before he falls asleep. If he doesn't think I'm going to come get him he'll either play until he falls asleep or look at his books until he falls asleep.
My friend's daughter used to get so upset she'd throw up because she knew that mom/dad would come in and clean them up. The pediatrician said to ignore it or try to clean after they fall asleep!
Greentea
pomelo / 5678 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@rachiecakes: I can't believe a pedi would say that...
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Greentea: She is always very tired in the evening because she is a terrible napper.

@MamaG: We have a cup of warm milk while watching her favourite bedtime show. Then we have a bath, teeth, PJ's on and into bed. Then we read two books of her choice, say goodnight and I leave the room. She has a lovey (bun bun) and four cuddly toys in her bed. She also has two pacis in there. Bedtime is 7pm. I've tried earlier and later bedtimes but nothing changes. She is usually asleep by 9 (not tonight - its 20 past and she is still screaming), wakes once and up for the day at 6.30 ish so 9hrs at night and 1 hour in the day? Not enough!!
Smurfette
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts

Jul 7, 2015

She does not need milk overnight, so do not give it with that. I think you have to just let her CIO. She has learned that she cries long enough you come in and give her what she wants. If she throws up, go in there, clean it up without talking to her.
rachiecakes
coconut / 8279 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Greentea: I know! Her DD was a toddler and would do it multiple times a night.
I don't have laundry in my building, so that would be a problem there, lol
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@MamaG: Oh and she is very verbal. She can say "teeth hurt", "want drink" and stuff. But she WILL.NOT take medicine unless grandad gives it to her so even if she is in pain there's nothing we can do.

@rachiecakes: We left books on her bed a few nights ago and she ripped them into bits. She even ripped the cover off of a board book.
Foodnerd81
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: that sounds awful, I'm so sorry you are still dealing with this! C is so different from E so I don't have any real advice, but I can say that she now sleeps with a whole bunch of stuff in her crib- 2 babies, 2 loves, 3 blankies, plus a down comforter folded under her sheet to make it softer. It's ridiculous.

Have you asked her pediatrician about it? I would ask if you think she could be teething but considering this has been going on for roughly 2 years, I'd say that's probably not it.

Good luck.
BabyBoecksMom
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: Does she respond well to bribes?

Hear me out...

Since we had such a hard time getting her to go to sleep and stay in bed, we used something similar to what Mrs. Jump Rope did. We would come up with something (cheap but) big for her to do on the weekend if she stayed in her bed every night that week (things like, going to the jumpy house or getting ice cream, etc). We let her pick what she wanted, print a picture of it and cut it up into 4 or 5 pieces (we started with 2 nights and expanded to 5 nights). Each night she went to bed without fuss and stayed in bed, she could put a piece of the picture together.

I'm not sure what it was about it but it worked! After a few weeks, she would sleep on her own.
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Smurfette: I do it because I'm DESPERATE for sleep and I know this will get her back to sleep within 15 mins but crying could take hours.

But it has to stop at some point, right??
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@BabyBoecksMom: I've never had any success with bribes as yet. We say she can watch Peppa Pig if she takes her medicine and she agrees but then she refuses the medicine and cries for Peppa anyway. But I could try the picture idea and see what happens......
BabyBoecksMom
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: What is it about Peppa Pig that makes kids addicted to it??? DD1 is obsessed with watching it and now even talks with a British accent LOL
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Foodnerd81: Yeah, shes teething. She's always teething. Every single tooth has been a long hard slog.

She's still going. Well over an hour now. She's thrown her pillow out and is up on her knees screaming.
Jess1483
nectarine / 2641 posts

Jul 7, 2015

We had to re-CIO after our guy started manipulating us with "try potty" at about 2.5. You do not need to go potty 5 times a night. So hard, but so worth it (he still wakes once to go potty, but that's real). It's almost worse than baby cio, but take heart that she knows you love her and that you're there and will come in the morning. Be very matter-of-fact and do not give in--even once--or you'll be back to square one. This will pay off.

I'd totally combine CIO with the bribe. I mean, it's up to you really to earn her reward, because you can say she gets a piece if you don't have to go to her, but it means she gets something positive in the morning and turns the experience into a positive one.
ladybee
grapefruit / 4079 posts

Jul 7, 2015

I'm so so sorry. That is so hard. Honestly, you have to figure out what works for you. I'm very strict about bedtime/sleep and the behavior teacher in me can ignore most protesting. I'd let her cry it out and not go in. If she pukes, I'd go in and clean it up and leave. It's going to get worse before it gets better but she probably knows that if she screams you'll come.

Everyone is different though. DH could never handle that. I know he'd give and give quick.
avivoca
watermelon / 14467 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: If she's teething, is there any way you can hold her down and squirt the medicine in her mouth? I've had to do that with H some. Will she drink it out of the cup or are you still having to use a syringe?
MamaG
pomelo / 5298 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: It does sound to me like she might be a little light on sleep. At that age my LO was going to bed at 7, sleeping til at least 6 and taking a 2-3 hour nap.

I like where @BabyBoecksMom: is going with the 'reward'. We didn't do the picture thing like she suggests, but we did reward charts. Same concept, different delivery method.

Also, I might try cutting out Peppa time. I know it's going to make her mad, but that extra electronic stimulation in the evening might be impacting her.

Regardless, I'm sorry. I can't even imagine being in your shoes.
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@avivoca: That's what we did yesterday in the end - it was barbaric. But even when we do that, she usually spits it out everywhere. She will take it off the fking spoon for grandad and lick the spoon after. But not for us. We've tried the "grandads special medicine" line but she wont buy into it. Besides, that would involve going in to her right now! She had some at 5.30pm (from grandad) so if she gad just gone to sleep she wouldn't need it. Instead its now almost 10pm and she probably needs more.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Jul 7, 2015

Oh gosh, this sounds rough.

I would probably go in there and lie down with her. Not what you wanted to read, I get that, but my son was like this and I couldn't take all the screaming.
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@MamaG: She has never been a good napper. Or sleeper. Or eater.

What am I doing wrong?
Jess1483
nectarine / 2641 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: I wouldn't do it tonight, but if you try medicine again, squirt it in her mouth and then blow in her face. It's a reflex and she will be forced to swallow. It sounds awful, but if the meds are important, it's worth it (we usually only do this for antibiotics, but we can usually bribe our guy to take stuff).
ladybee
grapefruit / 4079 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: have you tried blowing in her face? When I have to hold M down for mess, I put them in his mouth and blow in his face. He always swallows as a reaction.
Smurfette
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: what if you started doing 75% milk 25% water. Then 50/50, then 25/75, and then just water. Maybe if the night milk tastes different she won't want it.
skipra
pomegranate / 3350 posts

Jul 7, 2015

At 2 I could not do cio. My oldest was still not sttn at nearly 2 and really fighting going to sleep for both naps and bedtime. It really changed things when we figured out how to get him to go to sleep calmly. We had a couple rough weeks figuring it out but ultimately what worked was telling him he was going to bed and we would sit with him for as long as he was quiet and lying down. If he got up or started talking I would get up and leave. Each time I would leave for a minute or so longer. I also had to do a lot of putting him back down because he kept standing up. That was how we got him to figure out how to fall asleep on his own and eventually we started leaving the room before he fell asleep because it was easier for him that way. There are usually ways to get kids to sleep without crying and it sounds like if she is making herself sick that cio is not working. Good luck and I really hope you figure it out soon!
HTownMom
kiwi / 558 posts

Jul 7, 2015

@Cherrybee: sorry that you are going thru this! We are at this stage too! LO is 2 and will not stay in her bed or sleep through the night! We have to lay with her for her to fall asleep and then keep going back in to lay with her when she wakes up. Then around 3am we are too tired, so she just comes in our bed.
Maybe you can try a something like Mrs. Hopstoch did with not talking and just walking her back. No hugging, no milk, no taking, just silent walking back to bed?

Good luck!
Mrs.Someone
pomelo / 5228 posts

Jul 7, 2015

It doesn't sound like CIO works for her, and it sounds tough on all of you. Have you tried talking to a sleep consultant?