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So, my DD is a little like this but way less intense (for now, I can see it getting worse eventually if we aren't careful). I have a couple thoughts:

1) my DD has a really hard time going to sleep if she's overtired, that's when we get tantrums and stalling tactics at bedtime. I'd do whatever it takes to get her a few days/nights of good sleep, even if it means lying next to her for two hours, in hopes of resetting her so she's in a better place to start sleep training. (Maybe put down a cushy blanket for you to lay on so you're a little more comfortable?) Once her sleep debt is reduced, things might naturally start getting a little easier.

2) in that vein, do you think your ILs could either come to your house or bring her home around 4pm so she has more time to settle, eat, and get ready for bed? Not all the time, but just for a week or two. It might help to see whether the evening rush is riling her up. Alternately, maybe see if you can leave work an hour earlier for a couple days so you can test out whether getting home earlier makes a difference. If it turns out that getting home earlier really helps her, I guess that would make things a bit tricky in that you'd have to try to tweak your routines...but at least you'd know and could figure out how to go from there.

3) since her grandpa has a background in child behavior, is he willing to help you? I don't think it would be good if he's there during a bedtime battle because if she's usually good for him, he wouldn't see what really goes on. But maybe set up a Skype call or take a video so he can see her behavior when you're trying to put her to bed and give you some advice on more constructive ways to handle her.

4) I think that @gingerbebe has a good point about making sure the house isn't "fun" when she's trying to go to bed. My DD is easily distracted from the bedtime routine and it's hard to coax her back into it if she thinks she's missing out on something.

@Cherrybee: we're traveling but I wanted to pop into your thread to say my almost 2 year old also still has sleeping problem--some kids are just difficult sleepers and we have two of them.

My own two.cents is that probably the bedtime and overnight milk isn't helping. At least in our situation, DH is very similar to you and your DH and always gave her milk at bed and when she woke at night--which would work and be easier in the short term but then made LO need the milk to fall asleep.

I'm 8.5 months pregnant and exhausted so i had to gear up for the process, but we finally just broke LO of the night milk. It took a full week of 2 hour screaming fits (in the middle of the night, like from 2-4 am) where we just comforted her but didnt give milk and now she's stopped needing milk to go to sleep.

I think with any big change, it takes 100% commitment and at least one weeks time. And yes that means leas sleep for you in the short term, but better sleep in the long run.

Every time LO starts her frequent, ever changing sleep issues, we let it go on a while but then we get tough and make changes and her sleep will improve till the next regression.

BUT even with that, LO is not a great sleeper. There are no magic silver bullets for some difficult sleepers.

Alternatively, if you dont want to crack down on potential sleep interruptors (like screen time before bed, milk over night) because it seems like too much right now, and that happens to us, then jist trynto be Zen about the 2 hours it takes her to settle. Let her run around in her room doing whatever and winding down while you get ready for bed. You dont have to stay in there with her. If our LO is over tired but wont sleep, I frequently just leave her to cry and be miserable while i clean up dinner, pack her lunch, get ready for bed, etc and I just go in every few minutes to verbally reassure her or give her a hug. But if she tries play time again i just leave and go back to finishing up my own stuff, so I can still get to bed on time.

Sorry you are in this position. I know from your previous posts that your DH isn't the most helpful in the sleep department, and I would have lost my shit completely a million times by now if I didnt have my DH taking 50% (or more) of all night and early morning wakings.

So in my book, you are superwoman for working and commuting as much as you do, with a DH that never lets you sleep in, while parenting a low sleep needs toddler!

At the very very least, your girl may always be a terrible sleeper but at least in a few years she will be old enough to entertain herself while you go to bed when you want.

Holy smokes!

We have dealt with similar issues, in terms of LO missing me, TV and sleep issues. We've tried CIO and it didn't work for us. It just clearly wasn't going to work. I say you abandon that. Last time we tried it, I got so mad, I went into her room and screamed at her and spanked her. And I'm not proud of it, and I'm not suggesting you try it, but I told her in no uncertain terms that her behaviour was completely unacceptable. I was the most angry I have ever been. And then I felt like an asshole and picked her up and held her and the issues stopped.

Some of the factors that were contributing to this issue that we addressed after that were screen time (TV makes her difficult to deal with, the less she gets, the better), not enough time with me, and giving her notice that bedtime is coming and what we expect her to do.

We dealt with her not having enough time with me by me walking to pick her up after daycare (which, I understand is not an option for you) but maybe all she needs is a ten minute walk with you when you get homer something special you two do together. For my daughter, she needed to be held and hugged more, holding hands, etc.

Also, I would not give up on the milk, I think you need to get some rest too.

Good luck!

I haven't read through this thread entirely, but bedtime has been a big challenge for us in the past. We got to where we were laying with her for an hour or more to get her to fall asleep (because CIO was not working) and we had to stop. Some of the things that worked for her were 1) Music. - we put on the frozen soundtrack every night for her and she listens to it to fall asleep. We also use it to keep her in bed - if she gets out it goes off. 2) Daniel Tiger bedtime song. We would sing through it and say check for each thing we had done at each step of the bedtime routine. It really helped her understand what we expected next and that there was no deviation from it. 3) Being firm and not engaging in lengthy back and forth. We repeat the same thing over and over and are very clear about our expectations. 4) We put up a gate in her door so we could keep her door open, but still set the boundary (she can actually open it easily on her own now). She did not like being cut off from us with the door being closed.

I really hope you can find something that works for all of you.

@Cherrybee: gosh, you poor thing. I hope she isn't too sick. Good luck for the next few days x

@Cherrybee: Sounds like it could be HFM. Gahhh, you guys have the worst luck! I'm so sorry!

YAY!!! High five mum!

@Cherrybee: amazing news! so now you just have to figure out how to keep her sick and work from home so you can all sleep.....

@Cherrybee: that's amazing news! I hope you can enjoy your lovely evening to yourself now and get a good nights sleep. Until milk time or whatever. :). Hope E feels better soon too.

@T.H.O.U.: i love your original comment/idea and am hanging onto this for future use!