Anyone have any embarrassing parenting moments?!
I'll share mine below. 
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Last night I was leaving Menards with both kids, 4 and 2. The 2 year old was crying because she wanted to walk, but I was carrying her so she wouldn't run off. We get to the car, huge puddle RIGHT in front of the van door, which I have to yell at both kids to stay out of; I put the 2 year old in and shut the door, have to yell at the 4 year old to get in the car, and then have to climb in on the opposite to buckle both (because of the puddle). I finally get out and there is a man holding a stocking hat that we apparently left in the cart. I said thank you! and am mortified that he was probably standing there the ENTIRE time while I yelled at/struggled with the kids.
Not horribly embarrassing, but enough!
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I love these threads. My best one is when my daughter was maybe just barely 2. We were in a convenience store standing in line and she asks, "Mama, is her a girl?" About the person working the register. I said yes, and she said, loudly, "So her not have a penis?" Then she told me maybe I should buy some candy for myself for poopin.
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Just recently she told our social worker that she used to touch my privates when she was a baby. Luckily, the SW knew the whole story and was aware that she used to have an apparent sensory related impulse to push on people's breasts. She actually didn't do it to me much (mine aren't very big or squishy) but one of her other SWs, who is quite, um, big, was a frequent target. All the SWs know the story, luckily.
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One of my most memorable ones was when my first DS was about 1.5. He went through this phase where he would say "owww" instead of "no". I think because it got us to stop doing things more immediately. Anyway, I was at a wine store and buying a lot of bottles stocking up for the holidays and when it was time to go he refused to put his coat back on. And while I was trying to do it he was just yelling "oww, oww, oww" at the top of his lungs. I felt like I must look like an abusive alcoholic mother.
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The other day in trader joe's DD was being fidgety and putting her hand on her crotch, so I asked if she needed to go to the bathroom. She, very loudly, said "Honey, I don't need to go pee, my vagina is just itchy. Don't worry about it!" We got a lot of looks and laughs.
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The other day I had my oldest (4.5) on the commuter train home from the city. He was asking about dogs since we don't have one currently but he wants one. Then he loudly says on the silent train full of adults, "I know, I know - no dog til I can wipe my own butt!"
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I have one that is embarrassing and also a rant. We went to high tea for my brothers wedding last weekend and I definitely had a mortifying parent moment. The tea house was 30 minutes late seating us for our reservation so my husband took our 15 month old inside the tea house because it was hot outside. My son went and got the crayons and paper coloring pages from behind the hostess area and sat on the floor and started to color quietly with my husband ( the hostess area was a book shelf). I went in to check on them and all of a sudden the head hostess or the floor manager or whatever started freaking out at us. She started making these large sweeping hand gestures over my husband and my son on the floor and started to say " HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!" to the other hostesses, not addressing us directly but obviously making a huge deal. The other hostesses were like, whats the big deal, he's coloring quietly? Sensing the aggressive, rude, and hostile tone of this woman, I made the executive decision to put the crayons away, pick up my son, and leave the tea house ( because my husband was being completely oblivious to what was happening). My 15 month old proceeded to have a tantrum, so I had to carry him out under my arm like I was holding a football. As I walk through the doors of the tea house everyone outside looks at me like I'm committing an act of child abuse because of how I'm carrying my son and because he's freaking out. It was the most embarrassing moment as a parent for several reasons. For one, I had just experienced my first " how dare you have children in public" attitudes, and my son also had his first tantrum in a public setting. It was awful. I was so mad at that woman. I wish I had more of a spine because I just would have addressed her directly with " do you have a problem with children?" She could have asked us to leave in so many more polite and professional ways. She could have even offered to give my son a few crayons and one of the papers to color with outside, but no. She decided to throw an adult tantrum...to paying customers that had been waiting 30 minutes past their reservation time to be seated.
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@Tionn3: Wow, that is crazy! Did she say anything to your husband after you left?! Sounds like they deserve a bad review!
@Mrs. Turtle: lol... good thing the SW's know what's going on.
My DS is obsessed with touching my belly - luckily it's just me and not anyone/everyone.
@JennyPenny: oh man! lol. It's funny I always feel like I'm being judged if I buy alcohol when the kids are with! Like, we need this to survive!
@catgirl: lol. My son's favorite thing to say, don't worry about it!
@psw27: -
@josina: The head hostess didn't say a single word to us. My husband spoke with one of the other hostesses to try to get more information about what the big deal was and the hostess was like "yeah she gets like that". You bet your butt I left a 1 star review on Yelp.
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As we walk past a man smoking outside a restaurant.
DS: Is that man smoking?
Me: Yes.
DS (in a very outdoor voice): Smoking makes your lungs black. And your eyes yellow or red like that guy. Why does that man have red eyes like he’s possessed by a ghost?!
Me: Please let’s walk faster.
Context: DS has been reading/watching a lot of old Ghostbusters stuff lately
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@Raspberry: Lol! My DD is the same with smokers. We got into a cab last weekend and the guy had clearly been smoking. DD proceeds to dramatically cough for our entire ride
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Love this thread -- you guys are cracking me up!!
@Raspberry: LOL this reminds me of this incident:
DS and I were about to walk by someone who was smoking.
Me: (in Chinese) Hey walk quickly, don't breathe.
DS: (in English) why do we have to walk fast and don't breathe?
Me: (in Chinese) that guy is smoking. Let's walk pass him quickly.
DS: (in English) Who, THAT GUY? (pointing at guy)
Me: (in Chinese) YES.
DS: (in English) mommy, why are you speaking in Chinese.
Me (rolling my eyes in Chinese) SO PEOPLE CAN'T UNDERSTAND US.Grrrrrr. He ALWAYS translate EVERYTHING I said in Chinese back in English.
There was another time we were in a bookstore. I saw a dad slapped his baby daughter in order to "stop her from crying". I was in awe. I said to my son in Chinese, wow, that guy literally slapped his baby girl. My son repeated in perfect English translation and repeated what I said, "THAT guys slapped the baby?" While pointing at the guy. 🤦♀️
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Where do I start?
Last week I went to dinner with my sisters and my son. He's standing in the booth while we're getting ready to leave. He lifts up his shirt and shows everyone his belly and chest. My sister asked him where he learned to flash people, without missing a beat he shouts "Mommy flashes people!" 🤦♀️
Another time we're at a deli for dinner, and our son is crawling all over my husband in the booth waiting for our food. He shouts "Daddy I touch your penis!". We tell him to be quiet and not say that. He then yells "Mommy has no penis! Daddy and me have penis! I touched your penis Daddy!. 🤦♀️
I was checking on the flowers in the front yard last week. I turn to see my son with his pants around his ankles, peeing in the front yard... While facing the busy road... By the elementary school... While yelling "I pee on grass!"
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DS (3yo) is obsessed with trains and always begs to go to train shows. After getting exhausted holding him I finally wisened up and started bringing the Ergo so I didn't have to hold the heavy kid up high to see the displays. It was working out great until he shouted out "Mom, my penis is so big right now". I flashed a smile to the train men and promptly set DS down. The Ergo has been donated.
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@Corduroy: omg
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I have a really good/bad one. I've struggled with chronic BV this pregnancy and my midwife suggested I make some homeopathic suppositories. They've got some essential oils and herbs and so they have a pretty strong smell. I do them at night and DD (2) always comments on the smell.
We were in Barnes and Noble the other day and she walked up to me right in the middle of the crowded cafe section, buried her head in my crotch, and announced, "Yep, smells like mommy's 'gina!!" I was mortified. I know she meant the smell of the tea tree oil but of course no one else did. Ugh. I could still die thinking about it. I just ignored it and ushered her to another section.
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I have plenty of horrifyingly embarrassing moments, but this thread made me think more of two funny things my son did recently.
My 4.5 year old is rarely around smokers and we saw a girl smoking and he loudly says “why is smoke coming out of her mouth? Is she a dragon?”
Then a few weeks ago we were at a beach bathroom and 2 college aged girls came out in string bikinis (I haven’t worn many two pieces of any type since having kids), and he kept pointing and laughing saying “they are naked!” Everything thought it was funny though.
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I love all of these!! ahhahahahaha
My DD, 5 yo..... always always asks (loudly) if "that's a boy or a girl" when she sees a man/boy with long hair or a woman with really short hair.
Another time we were in the security line at the airport and DD had met another young girl and they were trying to play together but DH wanted her to stand with us and behave so he told her to behave or else and she said "or else you'll beat my butt?" which is something he does say but never does.. but def embarrassing! I wanted to crawl into a hole.
I know there are more, I just can't think of them right now
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