Ok, so I seem to have such a problem with googling when I have concerns about DS. Stupid, I know lol. Well I googled a topic and a daycare forum poped up, so I decided to read. Bad, bad idea. I didn't think my emotions would change so Much after becoming a mother, but I wanted to cry reading the way these women were talking about other people's children. If this was my child I would be beyond livid! So I'm going to post the link, because I want to know if I'm ridiculously over reacting. You only need to read a couple of post to get an idea of what the theme is. I do want to say that DS may be late on motor skill development, and that has made me even more mama bearish. Would these women make you upset?
https://daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=42668
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So I didn't like them calling a baby lazy, and I didn't like the one woman who said don't feed a bottle regardless of what the parents want. But I tend to be pretty emotional and none of that really made me sad.
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@ShootingStar: I knew i was probably overreacting, but DS at almost a year old is not holding his bottle, but he also doesn't feed himself, or put toys in his mouth. So I know that he's not lazy, he's just not ready. And there is a post on there where one woman states that " the kid doesn't have to eat, they just have to be offered." So I just sort of imagined DS starving all day just because someone wouldn't hold his bottle for him, and I have some underlay issues with starving as a child so, I guess that's what really got me.
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I didn't see anything wrong with the question or advice the daycare worker received. The workers see a lot of babies and have children of their own to form their opinions about what is appropriate at different ages. I would hope daycare brings up any developmental concerns with the parents. In the case of this little girl it does sound like they have shared with the parents while at daycare she isn't feeding herself.
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@ShootingStar: yeah, the lazy baby comment wasn't nice. On the one hand though, if the dad says she does it at home and she isn't doing it at daycare then I could see making a comment like that. DH and I notice that LO "needs" to be held by me when I put him to sleep. He goes down easily at daycare and with him, but clearly LO is playing me. I saw that comment similar.
@Jackiedavis87: one of LO's classmates is 10 months. He's crawling, but not yet pulling himself up and ready to go to the other room. One of the 6-7 mo old babies that moved to the crawlers room a week or two before LO arrived stayed there for maybe a month and then he was cruising. Babies hit their milestones at different times and that's okay.
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@Jackiedavis87: I can see how that would be more upsetting for you to read
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It doesnt make me angry but it does confuse me why they would post about it rather than discuss in detail with the parents. I also think its startling that some of them have total disregard for the parents wishes. Daycare isnt cheap and you expect good care and communication from the care providers.
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@Mrsbells: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: ok, so after thinking about it for a while, I realize what angers me is a lack of empathy I feel from the day care workers. they are in my opinion usually the care taker of children more hours of the day then not, yet don't seem to actually care about the children. I hope that makes sense.
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@Jackiedavis87: yeah I definitely get that. Not everyone is cut out for the job. And for some of them is just a job. We had a part time person at DDs old daycare. She would roll her eyes and give off real attitude many of the other moms picked up on it and thankfully she left after a while
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Goodness! I guess I'm the odd one but this really makes me sad. The whole tone of this conversation is just unfeeling to me. The way they talk about the kids sounds like they're just disinterested third parties, not like caregivers who like and who have the genuine best interest of the children at heart.
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@Orchid: I agree - the way they talked about the kid was like she was doing it to spite them. I'd like to think that my daycare workers show a lot more empathy and caring for my kids.
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It didn't surprise me. As a teacher I can tell you that I don't get "attached" like a parent to my kids. I will care for them to the absolute best of my ability and do everything on my power to keep them safe. Some of them (many?) touch my heart, but others drive me crazy. I wish the teachers in this thread would have had more empathy. We feed our almost one year his bottle because we want snuggle time with him. There is nothing wrong with that. But I also understand that it is extremely difficult to care for multiple babies and getting them all fed, changed, napped etc. They have to establish schedules and routines, and when one child throws a monkey wrench in, I'm sure that is frustrating. So, basically, I get why it would make you sad or angry, but I don't feel like they were being abusive or anything. I'm sure they were taking care of the children just fine. So it may be makes me a little sad that I can't have a perfect surrogate for myself stay with my child, but otherwise no, it didn't bother me.
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@Orchid: @erinbaderin: You're definitely not the only ones who feel this way! It bothers me quite a lot. I just can't fathom that some adults--let alone daycare teachers--talk about babies(!) as if they do things to spite them, because they are lazy, etc. If that's where the daycare provider is mentally, then it's time for a career change.
Not rising to the level of abuse is hardly the standard we should accept for our kiddos/childcare. -
I didn't see anything wrong with it. But, I'd rather have the teachers be direct and straight forward with me instead of trying to be sensitive and spare my feelings. I also trust our day care teachers. I want the teachers to care for my child, but I don't want them to treat them like special snowflakes.
The posts seem like any job vent/advice kind of thread.
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@pwnstar: I can see where you are coming from and I agree that the teachers in this case needed to be more empathetic to the situation. However, I certainly didn't say that the standard of care should simply be not being abusive. Maybe I wasn't clear though. I meant it didn't anger me in the way that a situation of abuse would. I don't think that the linked discussion disqualifies them as day care teachers however. I am trying to say that as a teacher, I don't think that being frustrated about a situation means that I can't provide a high level of care for my students. So my personal reaction was not anger or sadness about this.
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"She drinks, she doesn't drink, not your problem."
That's appalling. The word "lazy" is all over this post; someone else says "she may be babied at home." It's understandable to have an emotional reaction to that degree of callousness from a daycare provider. These are not developmentally appropriate expectations for a 12-month old. You trust these professionals to take good care of your kids, not give them completely developmentally inappropriate "tough love" and starve them.
And I just got to this part.... OH MY GOD.
"In my opinion.. First thing.. stop offering the bottle.. period..
I would do this whether the parents change over at home or not...I've had many infants off the bottle in my care LONG before the mommies and daddies stop making those bottles for them at home..." -
I would keep in mind that you know your daycare providers, and this is not them talking. Also, people are sometimes much more direct online then in real life. Who knows what actually happened in any of those situations? And, someone posted specifically for advice on a child not holding a bottle, so that's what these posters are addressing.
You got upset because you pictured your son and your caregivers. That makes perfect sense, so don't feel bad.
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I just want to clarify, that this IS NOT a vent thread, I was truly curious how other people viewed these daycare workers. Mostly to see if I'm one of "those" mothers. And based off relies to this post, I am. And I've decided I'm ok with that. I understand that not everyone will love my child. But I still feel That if your job is takeing care of children all day long, compassion is a requirement. I should also clarify I'm a sahm, so I don't really have an understanding of day care procedure, so this is totally just my opinions.
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Wow, that could be my DD they're talking about! Our day care provider had similar issues with her not holding her bottle (and on top of that, taking forever to walk) for no apparent reason.
If I knew they're talking about my child like that, I'd be sad and angry... but I'd also be happy that they're continuing to work with her to get her to hold her bottle (and drink from a cup) even though it would be easier to just hold the bottle for her, or give up and complain to me that she's not drinking well. It seems like the OP got a lot of good advice from other day care providers, most replied with tips and not just stuff like "some babies are lazy, sorry you're dealing with that."
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