Hellobee Boards

We have a daughter and are expecting a boy. People comment all the day about how lucky we are to get one of each, but really I was dreaming of a sister for my daughter! I've started just saying, "yes we're excited, but would've loved another girl too".

I think it depends on how close you are to the person you're talking to - it might be a little awkward with a stranger, but not at all with someone you're close to.

I think it should be acceptable. But people can be judgemental.

I think it's acceptable b/c it's just human nature. Having a preference to me doesn't mean that the child will be loved any less if he/she is not the preferred gender!

I'm pretty open if asked to say that we'd love another girl, but what if I have a boy next? I'd still be ecstatic!

I think it's ok to admit it to your partner and close friends. I don't think it's cool to say it to anyone who will listen. We had a friend who said she "would die" if she had a boy. She has two sons now and I can't help remembering those comments from when she was pregnant with her first. I just would never want lots of people to think I was disappointed with my child (even if deep down I was).

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I would express it to my mom, sister, and maybe a couple close friends. Not anyone else, though.

I think it's ok to a degree, but some people just go overboard. Whenever I hear people being super upset about it I admit I think it's silly. What I think is really stupid are all the comments people make toward moms in the spirit of "don't you wish you were having a boy?" or "I'm so glad you're having a girl this time!" How is an expectant mama supposed to respond to that?

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@Foodnerd81: I do think those strong statements aren't good, regardless of how you feel! Whenever I had expressed a preference (prior to finding out the sex), I said something like "We're hoping for a girl, but we'd be happy with a boy too!"

Some preference is the norm, I think. Personally, I can't really wrap my head around gender preference or disappointment when it leads to extreme feelings of desperation. I think there's still a lot of assumptions made about mother/daughter and father/son (or m/s and f/d) relationships that simply don't always pan out. Same goes for interests, hobbies and talents that are perceived to be either "girl" or "boy" attributes. I think that tends to drive a lot of it.

@Foodnerd81: yikes! I have one friend pregnant with her second boy who said she NEEDED to have a girl and just could not have boys. Another friend always planned on 3 kids until her second was a boy and now says she couldn't risk having another boy. They both make me pretty sad to hear that.

I think it's completely normal. I have 2 girls, would my husband really like a boy next of course he would prefer it (honestly I'd like another girl) but we will be happy with either. He had a little disappointment when DD2 was a girl, so he's just planning that if we have a third for it to be another girl so there's no hoping. Easier said than done!

@deerylou: Obviously it's not always the case, but I think people tend to base their wants on their own experiences. I've always been close with my mom and have only become even closer since planning a wedding and going through two pregnancies. I'm definitely sad that I won't have a daughter to experience those things with from the other side. Obviously, none of that was guaranteed anyway even if I did have a daughter, but it IS guaranteed I won't get to experience those things now.

I'm not really comfortable expressing a strong preference to other people. With our 2nd, when people ask (before I found out) I'd say, "Well, I'd like a girl, but another boy would be really nice too." Partially because I did feel that way, and partially because if it had been a boy, I didn't want people feeling like I was disappointed or feeling bad for the baby that he wasn't wanted.

I felt so terrible that I had gender disappointment with my first. And I'm so happy now with the way things worked out, I'd hate for DS to ever know he wasn't exactly what I wanted right from the beginning. Or for other people to think that I was still disappointed.

When our doctor doing the ultrasound asked what we were hoping for, he said, "Don't tell me you don't care!" I assume most people would prefer one or other. As long as people don't seem unreasonable about it, like saying, "I'll die if it's another girl....I will not be happy if it's a boy...." then I don't think anything about it.

As someone said (and as I keep being reminded with regard to my toddler :)): feelings are feelings.

I hoped for a girl with my first and felt pretty disappointed when I found out he was a he; what I realized afterward is that he's a lot more than his gender, and that I was trapping myself in gender norms by thinking I wanted a girl to begin with. So I found my own gender preference very disturbing in hindsight.

@Adira: Right, of course. There are bound to be certain things (i.e. supporting your biological daughter through a pregnancy) you won't get to experience. And I think it's fine to acknowledge that. You clearly adore your sons. What I was trying to convey is that I find stereotypes play into gender preference, just as personal experience and bonds with our own parents do. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with preference or a little initial let down. I just find it gets a bit off putting when long-term mourning occurs, especially when it becomes apparent to the child.

@MoonMoon: Yes, this.

This will sound silly, but I do think it's okay to have a preference. I just don't like to talk about it because if my baby ends up being the other I don't want it to think I'm disappointed.