My whole morning my eyes were tearing up before my class, and I even had to go into a stall and throw myself a cry pity party. I feel like I can’t shake this incident in my head. I’m 17 weeks pregnant and I don’t have an obvious bump that screams “I’m pregnant”. I was a size 12/14 pre-pregnancy and have put on some pounds and have been feeling very self-conscious about it. (Though I can still wear H&M tops and Limited tops). I do remind myself that I’m creating LIFE. And I try to be as healthy as possible (although last night there was some strawberry ice cream). I’m definitely not expecting anyone to leap out of their seats for me, especially since I’m not really showing!
This morning I got on the train to go to my morning class and there was a lone seat. There was definitely enough room for me. I took a random newspaper off the seat as this man sitting next to empty seat looked on (those familiar with redline- he was sitting in one of those seats at the end meant for handicap riders). Not even a split second after I sat, he dramatically leaped out of the seat and walked off to stand as though I’d crushed his lungs and soul. And of course in my self-conscious state I felt that everyone else was staring at me and thinking “wow, look at the fat girl - she evicted someone.” I know that maybe it’s partly my pregnancy hormones, but I still feel so mortified. And last week same thing. Only this time the woman said “Oh God….” when I dared to sit. I replied with “Sorry but I’m pregnant and can’t stand the whole time.” I know my bump doesn’t show, but standing on a crowded train with people’s elbows jabbing me and my back already sore is NOT something I want to deal with if I don’t have to! Well now I feel like a behemoth. Like a big wooly mammoth. Sigh. Just needed to vent.