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First: stop telling yourself that if you could breastfeed this wouldn't be happening - this isn't your fault, you have no reason to blame yourself for anything. Plenty of breastfed babies have intolerances to foods that mom is ingesting and have colic, gas issues, reflux, etc.

Second: don't beat yourself up about not enjoying the newborn stage. I know more women who disliked the newborn stage than those who liked it. Some babies are not easy, sometimes the adjustment to parenthood isn't easy. It's so, so common to not love this stage and that's totally normal. It's no reflection on you as a mother, at all. Do you have friends/family in the area who can give you regular breaks?

Switching formulas can cause stomach upset, so if you've been switching them that might be some of the issue. We gave LO a solid month on a new formula before determining if we needed to switch or not.

Do you bicycle your LO's legs? That helped us a lot, sometimes we had to bicycle her legs for a good 5-10 minutes (which feels like forever!) and press pretty hard when we did it to get her to expel gas. A hot bath and stomach/lower stomach area massage also helped her to pass gas.

Many people find colic water or gas drops to help - we gave her gas drops before every bottle, and after, which seemed to help some.

Have you asked your doctor about checking to see if your LO might have reflux?

Sometimes too, it just takes time for their little digestive systems to grow and mature, which sucks, but know that you are not alone and *not* a terrible mother.

@JamieLee: Sorry you are dealing with this. Why dont you try a different formula, start by trying Enfamil Gentleease it really makes a difference. Then try adding gripe water, that is awesome for tummy woes.
Finally and most important, dont blame yourself, the newborn phase is tough but you will survive it!!

reading this, my first thought was reflux. LO had reflux for a little while as a newborn--screaming, arching the back, crying at either nursing or bottle-feeding. we tried gripe water, gas drops, sleeping on an incline, bicycling legs...nothing really helped. if i had to do it again, i would have pushed the doctor for some reflux meds to see if that would have helped. but i think it is just a rough period when their systems are so undeveloped.

you're not doing anything wrong. and it's not because you're not breastfeeding.

yes, it does get better. but i remember those days and feeling like i was stuck in some sort of hellish groundhog day scenario, overwhelmed by frustration and hopelessness. you are doing a great job.

also, 1.5 hour naps are pretty good! mine started taking 45 minute naps and that was rough.

We used and swore by Ovol drops. It didn't cure the problem but it did help and having that little bit of relief was so worth it. We tried Gripe water but it seemed to make her more fussy. I hope you can get it all figured out

ETA: And please do not blame it on anything you are doing. I remember everytime LO was fussy, people would always asked what I ate. Ummm...thanks people, as if I don't feel bad enough as it is! Hang in there!

@JAMIELEE: Your baby sounds a lot like my good friend's. She tried eliminating sugar, dairy, etc. from her diet thinking it was effecting him; however, it didn't seem to make too much of a difference. She finally took him into a chiropractor who specializes in infants and toddlers - turns out he need to be adjusted. After a few sessions, he was a totally different baby. The suspected it could be a pinched nerve.

@mrs. mochi: I've heard good things about chiropractic work treating fussy babies.

I started so many threads like this. It gets better.

If you are cutting dairy and not cutting the dairy formula, you won't see any change in behavior if this is MSPI. There are lots of good MSPI posts on the boards if you search for them, and I did a blog post on the topic if you want more information.

@JamieLee: My first daughter was similar to this - she had reflux and spit up a lot. The first couple weeks home I was drinking a lot of milk, and she was so gassy - she would cry when burped, cry when she farted, and just arch her back all the time. As soon as I cut out dairy and it was completely out of my system she was a lot better. We also used gripe water for her gas, and let her sleep in elevated surfaces, which helped.

I would switch to a dairy free formula too. I like the Baby's Only brand - the lactose free formula. I personally would not switch to a soy-based formula. With all the studies out there about soy and its high levels of estrogen I would just steer clear.

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. 4 weeks is really really hard, even with "easier" babies!!

@JamieLee: Do you think it could be colic? I know DD did something very similar when she was that age, but it was definite times during the day, like from 6-9pm EVERY day for 3 weeks. It was so stressful and difficult. We also started putting some gripe water in her bottle and, I don't know if it was the timing or if it actually helped, but the crying did stop.

Like others have said, it sounds like reflux to me. I've also heard from friends that chiropractors helped their babies. It's worth looking into those things with your doctor.

Mostly though, I wanted to say hang in there. Newborns are tough. I really feel like there should be an "it gets better" campaign for new parents. It does get better! Don't feel guilty for not enjoying it. The people that say "enjoy every minute" are the ones that had angel babies who slept well from the beginning and hardly cried, or their kids are so grown up that they've forgotten how grueling caring for a newborn can be. I want another child (someday) very much, but I am afraid of going through the newborn stage again, and with a toddler/preschooler, too. I think it's normal/ok to admit it hasn't been fun for you. But it does get better and easier eventually.

@JamieLee: my LO was on Similac Soy Formula RTF bc I read that Ready to feed is less gassy then mixing powder.

ETA: I just wanted to mention MSPI is for milk, soy protein intolerance. My LO was fine on soy formula.

@JamieLee: the only non dairy formulas that I'd recommend are also soy free. Most people trial Nutramigen first, but elemental formulas are expensive so only do it in conjunction with your doc.

@JamieLee: soy is very cross reactive with milk, so it's kind of pointless.

Right! I'm back - although I didn't get my bath after all, E woke up not 2 minutes after I'd finished writing my post and by the time I got her off to sleep again 30 mins later the moment had passed! That'll teach me for being so chuffed!! Here is everything I know - in no real order!

Firstly, I want to start off by saying how your post makes me feel so sad. I wish I could come and give you a huge hug! I've been there (very recently) and my thoughts got pretty dark. I'm here if you ever need to vent.... it's ridiculously tough. It's interesting that you mentioned your birth experience, too. This is how I felt, after a long and traumatic induction - like I had been looking forward to this for 9 months and it's nothing at all like I thought it would be. I felt robbed of my dreams and my happiness. I promise you - it not only gets better but the pain does fade away and you are left with the dream, honestly.

The "colic days" were only 2 weeks ago but they really, really do feel like a distant memory. It's a bit like childbirth - somehow the horror of it (which was so very real at the time) has faded.... E is 6 weeks and 2 days old now and, sure, she is a fussy little madam and some evening she treats us to a several-hour cry-fest but it's different. Its a different kind of cry. The colic cry - WOW - it's a frantic, desperate, pain-fuelled cry. It's IMPOSSIBLE to soothe your baby because they are in pain (at least, that's what I think).

It's my belief that "colic" is a very misused word. It is banded about as a catch all definition for all types of inconsolable crying - and then it is stated as some kind of diagnosis: "Ahh, it's colic, he/she will grow out of it". It seems to me, from my layman's understanding, that colic is more of a symptom (it's the crying bit) - and it can either be for no reason at all OR for a very real reason like MSPI. I hate it when people - especially medical professionals - fob you off with "It's colic". What is causing my child's colic? Can we help alleviate it? It's not unreasonable to ask!!!

So, here are the things we tried! You might find different things successful because your child is different to mine - his colic might be caused by something different or might be entirely idiopathic (cause completely unknown).

1) Gas drops.

If your baby is crying because he has trapped gas, gas drops might help. We tried two different types (Infacol and Dentinox - I'm in the UK) but neither helped whatsoever. They might help for you - alone or in conjunction with other measures.

2) Gripe water

We counted down the days until we could give E gripe water because so many people swear by it. It didn't work for us, personally. It's hard to get E to burp (I can't burp, actually!) so I guess trying to get the air out that was was futile!

3) Anti-colic bottles

E was on Tommee Tippee bottles and, from the start, used to gulp her food down, gasping for breath and honking like a little goose. We tried the Tommee Tippee anti-colic bottles to no avail and finally splashed out of some Dr Browns anti-colic bottles which are AMAZING! Sure, they leak (and make DH furious) but when she eats now she is peaceful and quiet! As gas drops and gripe water couldn't get the air out, we had to minimise the air going in and these bottles do that! it didn't solve the problem completely but it heped!

4) Easy to digest formula

We tried a colic medicine available here called Colief and it worked wonders! Basically, it's an enzyme that starts digesting the lactose in the formula before the baby drinks it. The website talks about "transient lactose intolerance" - like a temporary intolerance. In fact, here's the website. http://www.colief.com There's some great info on there - I'm not sure how medically accurate it is but I can vouch for the fact that it worked wonders for E.

This got us thinking.... if she's struggling to digest the lactose, perhaps we could move her to an east to digest formula with lower levels of lactose. We use Cow and Gate comfort milk - but I bet you have a similar product where you are. This also worked wonderfully. We now use a combination of comfort milk in the day and pre-made regular formula with Colief in the night (because you can't get pre-made comfort milk and I like to make my bottles up for the night feeds!).

5) Tummy massage and a warm bath

E still has a sensitive little tummy, even on the low lactose milk. It's a far cry from where we were but sometimes she does struggle a little. When she does, we pop her in a soothing warm bath and rub her tummy in a clockwise direction. We also use a thumb to trace the number 7 from her belly button down. I read somewhere that this mirrors the path of the intestine or the colon or something. It does help.

Going forward:

My LO's colic eased at 5.5 weeks because we found out what was causing it. It's common for it to last until 3 months and then get magically better. Other Bees dealt with it for shorter or longer periods of time - so it's anyone's guess when it will improve for you but rest assured IT WILL. I mean, how many 18 year olds do you know with colic?? That's what I kept telling myself - lol.

At this point, it will all be one big screamy blur of awfulness but once he is over the awful tummy issues you will still have some of this to deal with - but these bits, I think, are totally normal:

1) The evening cry-fests.

Screaming in agony isn't normal - that's horrible - but crying in the evening and resisting soothing is. All babies do it to one degree or another. This website really helped me:

http://www.purplecrying.info

Read the testimonies - they made me sob.

Now we've sorted E's tummy issues, she still does this. But it's different... it's bearable. This is the kind of crying the 5 Ss works well on. She's usually easily soothed now with swaddling, rocking and a bit of white noise and the days she's not soothed so easily are becoming fewer and fewer.

2) Straining to poop

E goes red faced, squirms and strains as though she's trying to poop and can't. However, when she goes, it's soft so she's not constipated. It stands to reason, really. Pooping is actually quite a skill - you have to relax your sphincter but tense your back passage muscles all at the same time. I think that it takes a while for some babies to learn to do this - and so the straining - and crying when she can't go - is probably quite normal.

I really hope this helps. If these self help measures don't help, then bug your ped for a diagnosis - it might be reflux or a real intolerance like MSPI.

More hugs for you.

Lots of good advice here. Just know that you aren't alone, it WILL get better, and everything you're feeling is a very normal reaction to very difficult circumstances. You are a wonderful mother, and it will be better, and soon.

I cut dairy, but ultimately we tried nutramigen and my son really thrived on it.

It WILL get better.

Oh, and people who say to enjoy the newborn stage either a) forgot, b) dont have kids, or c) had easy newborns. I even disliked cards that came with gifts proclaiming that "they grow so fast" and "enjoy" and the like. Didn't help that I had bad ppd but even without that, fussy newborns are not enjoyable.