There's an article on Huffington Post today about a woman who REALLY wanted a daughter. She had 3 sons already, but always wanted a little girl. She came to the US (she's from Canada) and had eggs harvested and fertilized. Doctors then determined the gender and implanted the female embryos. What do you think of this? Would you do it? (It's legal here in the US, but illegal in Canada and the UK.)
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I wouldn't do it...even in that woman's situation where she'd already had 3 boys and wanted a girl. I thought that I'd be disappointed if I found out I was having a boy but once I did I could not have been more thrilled! And, even though I'm a very girly person, I wouldn't be disappointed if I only ever have boys! I'm not sure if it was the way that the article was written but the woman's story actually made me feel kind of sick...but I may have a stronger reaction because I'm really sensitive/frustrated by the fact that people constantly assume I'm disappointed to be having a son instead of a daughter.
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Nope. The only time I would even consider gender selection is to avoid passing on a serious genetic issue (I'm no scientist but my understanding is that certain genetic issues can only be passed on to/carried by one gender or the other). In the absence of this specific situation I will be happy with whatever God gives me.
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Ummmm, that is not for me...I definitely accept that what is in my cards is there for a reason, and I just need to be grateful for what I'm given.
I realize that some people take gender SUPER seriously (I've surfed that InGender website when I was obsessed with nub shots before I knew what we were having), and if it's going to affect someone's ability to be happy if they don't ever have a daughter/son, then I'm glad this option is there for them. But I'll just take whatever comes out of me;)
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No. I'd never do that.
@Running Elley: I have three sisters and I had a really strong reaction to the article as well. Children aren't defined by their sex. They don't get special points for being male or female in my book.
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Absolutely not doing this this. With our loss, Hubby and I are just going to be thrilled with a full term pregnancy whenever God decides it's our time again.
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@Minnie_Girl: Agree. It's been amazing to me to see how people react when we tell them that we're having a boy. We've gotten so many "Ohhh, well the next one can be a girl!" comments and it makes me SO angry. Can't we be excited for our baby even though he's a boy?
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I would do it if I could just say what I wanted and it would magically happen! Lol
I know of a couple who did something like that in a more holistic way and they actually got the gender they wanted.
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DH and I talked about this years ago as one of his uncle's did a lot of research on the topic. I think back then I said I would on certain conditions. It seems really ridiculous, but I have deep-rooted issues on genders and there is a lot of "pressure" in some very old-fashioned ways of thinking in my Asian family. Let's just say I'm the eldest child in my family, with my brother (finally) being 10 1/2 years younger than me. The fact that I was a girl was always a huge let-down and it was always made very clear to me by my dad and grandparents on one side.
When I was told that DH was "the last boy" in his entire family line, I already felt the pressure.If we could choose (i.e. we were doing IVF anyways), I might be very tempted to choose male embryos for that fact. But after having a M/C and getting pregnant naturally, we wouldn't care what we have as long as he/she is healthy. I wouldn't ever choose to have IVF just to select the gender, but if I were to have IVF because we couldn't conceive naturally, then maybe...
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My sister in law's parents did this a long time ago. They had 3 girls and really wanted a boy. I don't really have an issue with it. I guess my only concern is that it seems like a slippery slope to people possibly being able to pick out other characteristics in their child. That I'm not cool with.
My mom is one of 5 girls. My grandfather always tells the story of when people would ask him whether or not he was "sad" that he didn't have any boys. He says that he couldn't be happier because girls always come home. I love that guy.
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As much as I want a little girl, and would esp if #1 is a boy, since we are only having two. I couldn't do it. I don't think that is something that you can pick and choose.
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I don't think I would every do it, but I understand the desire to do it...I can't imagine never having a daughter (or never having a son, if this LO were a girl) and I think I would be sad about it.
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I don't think I would.
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I don't think I would - I'd be happy regardless of the gender. LO is a girl and I thought I'd be a bit disappointed as I really wanted a son, but now that she's here, I can't imagine ever having anything but girls! I really hope our next is a girl...but not enough to ever manipulate mother nature into giving us only girls. I'm sure I will love a son just as much as I love our daughter.
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I don't think I could do it, if I could just close my eyes, make a wish and get the gender I wanted at that time I probably would but if push comes to shove I wouldn't feel comfortable. I can't quite decide why it is different in my mind...
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No. Maybe I cant really judge because I do have my girl.... but as much as I always wanted a girl I do truly believe id be super happy with all boys. I don't feel like I should have control over that stuff though.
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Hell no. We'll take what God gives us.
I would love a daughter and my husband would love a son. But really, I think it hardly matters to us. I'd be happy being a mom of all boys and he'd be a great dad to girls!
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Well since DH wants another boy and I want a girl, we wouldn't be able to agree on which one anyway so it's a non issue.
I don't know... I thought there were other methods of giving you a "better chance" of boy vs. girl with no guarantee. I'd be more likely to do that. The above seems like the first step on the slippery slope to eugenics (like a pp said). -
I'll couldn't do this!
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I wouldn't do THIS, but if there was an easier way to pick the gender, I'd be all over that, haha. I'm definitely going to try the Shettles Method to try to pick the gender with our next kid, haha.
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I'd be tempted to, but would never do it.
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I would never go through IVF to pick gender (it's not fun, simple, cheap, or easy...horrible is more like it) but I totally understand why someone with 3 kids of the same gender would consider it. And...I wouldn't judge the person who did.
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Even though we're most likely doing IVF and I'm the only child of an oldest son of an oldest son in an Asian family and we're only having one, I can't bring myself to do PGD. Maybe if I suddenly realized I had a preference about the gender I would think about it.
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In adoption you really can sort of choose if you want. We already had our girl, so we ultimately decided to leave it to fate... but during the time that we were in the waiting pool, almost all the babies were girls. We just went for whatever situation seemed optimal to us, not the gender.
FWIW, I have a friend who just adopted and they thought the baby was a boy. But at delivery they found out it was a girl! So I guess there's no guarantee even with adoption.
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I personally wouldn't consider gender selection. I think a previous poster put it well, I may be disappointed when first finding out the gender (had we been hoping for one gender over the other), but ultimately, be happy with whatever in the end!
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I would never do it for a lot of reasons. But the biggest thing for me is, what if the girl (or boy) doesn't turn out like you expect? Like you want this girl to do make up and crafts and baking with. Fine, but she might rather play basketball. Or the boy that doesn't want to play sports and go into finance, or whatever it is you think you will gain with that gender. Its so much pressure on a baby to live up to. Plus, in the case of that woman with the 3 boys, how will her 3rd son feel when he finds out about all this?
I honestly don't have a preference. I can see so many positives for both, even if I could choose, I wouldn't. But DH would prefer a boy, but not do gender selection. We actually talked about this last night after I read about it. -
I don't think I'd do that. I did talk with DH about adopting a girl if we end up having 4 boys though.
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No way. I don't believe we should have the knowledge or ability to make choices like that. I think some decisions should be left up to God to decide!
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i felt the same way as @Running Elley when reading the article. it's amazing to me that someone would be depressed and consider abortion when finding out she has a healthy baby growing -- just because it's a boy! it seems spoiled, ungrateful, and ugly to me. so many mommies would love to have that healthy little boy.
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No. God will determine who my children will be
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No, but I wasn't hell bent on having a child of a specific sex anyway. I ended up with a boy and love being a boy mom, but If I had a girl I am sure I'd love being a girl mom for a whole host of different reasons.
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Not a chance. I am happy with whatever gender and number of babies I am meant to have. The financial cost of gender selection seems ridiculous to me as well.
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NEVER
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NO WAY. I wont lie and say that I haven't always wanted to have daughters. I will even admit that, had C been a boy, I probably would have had a day of mourning. Would I ever spend $40k that I could be spending on the 3 kids I already have or consider aborting my child purely because it is a boy? NO.
I think eugenics of any kind are scary and creepy. I feel like it's just one step closer to Gattaca or Hilter's master race. It's awful and human beings shouldn't be messing with it. It's a snowball effect. Where does it end? Oh, let's make sure we have a girl! Then... oh, well let's make sure she has blue eyes and curly hair. Before you know it, it's let's make her super smart and able to breathe fire. It's ridiculous.
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I must be crazy, but now that I have my little boy, I would totally do this in order to get a girl.
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@zippylef: I agree with you 10000%! It definitely walks that line of ethics I think. DH thinks it's great that people have this option, but I am kind of appalled by it.
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Yes, but in fairness, medical science is already selecting embryos for couples that would otherwise face either infertility or children with genetic deformities.
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A lot of people are against IVF to begin with. We were gearing up for IVF. It took us 11 months to conceive and if I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did, we would have gone down that route (because of my age). If we did, and if it was an option, we wouldn't have chosen a gender.
But now that DD is here and if we were to venture on to IVF, I would. I know DH wants a little boy to call his own and that's important to me. If we were to go through all of that anyway, and it's an option, sure. Of course, only if DH agrees with the decision (we've never talked about it and don't even know if we want another kid)!
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no. i've always wanted a daughter and when we were pregnant i knew right away we were having a little boy(i just felt it) and when the u/s tech told us boy, i won't lie and say i didn't feel a little bit of 'aww, i was hoping for a girl' but it didn't last long and i would NEVER have ever thought to abort him for that reason. i love DS more than anything and he fills my heart with so much joy, i can't imagine a daughter would have made me feel happier.
plus i feel i'm destined for all boys and if that's the case, well then that's the case. :o) i just hope for healthy little people
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