Never posted here, mostly lurked/stalked... but I need to get something off my chest. I feel so.. guilty for these intense feelings, like it makes me a horrible mom. Of course I love my baby like any mom does, but that hasn't made it easier..

I got married young, but my husband is five years older than me and was ready for kids right away so after a year I gave in... but I honestly regret it. I haven't finished college and I never got to have a career, now I have a baby and even though I wanted to be a SAHM, I wouldn't even have the choice if I wanted to work because I wouldn't be able to make enough to put my baby in daycare anyway.
I was putting my baby to bed tonight, and yes I love him to death, but I seriously wish I would have waited to have kids.. lived my life a little. I am soo young and now if I ever get a job I fear I'll feel more guilty for being a working mom because the way I was raised, all moms were SAHM.

Also, because I never worked we didn't accrue a lot for savings before having our baby and don't own a house. If I had finished school and worked for awhile, we could have bought a house and had some financial security. But we don't. I feel sooo awful for feeling this way.

I felt it the whole time I was pregnant, but just assumed it would all go away once I had my baby and saw how much I loved him... well I do love him, but I still feel this way.

Am I a terrible mother? No one even knows this, not even my husband... I couldn't bear to admit this to him now that our baby is actually here. And he's been such a good baby too, I feel I can't even complain.