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Having #2 (3 or more!) without a support system

  1. Mrs. Jump Rope

    blogger / coconut / 8306 posts

    @meredithNYC: it's so difficult! We've always talked about moving away, and in the end I said I didn't want to raise our kids so far away from family. So here we are, in a situation none of us could have predicted. Both of our parents are active, so while they're a huge emotional support and we visit as often as possible, neither sets of our parents are built in babysitters. I can call whenever I need support, but I can call even if we lived farther away! My parents visit my brother & sister so frequently so if we ever moved south, we'd see my folks probably as often!

    I wish we would have had the guts to move away! We fantasize about living in the south but neither of us have the guts to pull the trigger. A lot of "what ifs" swirl in my head!

    On the other hand, both my brother and sister live out of state. My sister misses out on seeing our kids, and has confessed to me that whole she'd love to move out west, being within driving distance of 'home' is what stops her. She's in a serious relationship and if they ever had kids, she said its hard to imagine ever being so far away from home!

  2. Weagle

    coconut / 8498 posts

    We do miss being able to pop over to our parents house, well I do. We still get a ton of emotional support from our families though.

    I still think it boils down to needing to find a great group of friends. In our core group of friends here, there are about 10 couples + kids. Of those 10, 3 have family members that are somewhat local, and of those only 2 can just see their family members for an hour or two at a time, and one of those two are only able to see family once a month or so. Logistically it just doesn't work. Not having family around is just not a unique situation anymore. However, all of us have made it a point to treat our friends like family, so we've built relationships that give us intangible and tangible help.

    We've discussed moving closer to home a lot, and honestly we think that we're better off being here than moving at this point. We don't want to leave our friends that we've made here. I'm sure we'll move home at some point, but when we do it will most likely be mostly out of necessity and practicality and less out of desire to do so.

  3. meredithNYC

    pomegranate / 3314 posts

    @Mrs. Jump Rope: I get that! I come from a large family and I'm the only one who has moved away. So sometimes I think about my siblings who have my parents going to their kids' ball games and dance recitals, etc. and I think to myself, I want that, too! But then I do sometimes love that my little family has a bit more freedom and fewer obligations to the larger family, I suppose.

    I don't regret moving away at all, but I went when I was so young (21) that I didn't really "get" how I might feel later in life. I think it's hard, no matter what side of the situation you're in, thinking about the what-ifs, you know?

    Do you think when your parents retire they'll be more available? My mom and stepdad just retired a year ago and so far it has made a difference in that they are able to come out and visit more frequently.

  4. Mrs. Jump Rope

    blogger / coconut / 8306 posts

    @meredithNYC: my parents? lol no. They own vacation property and visit 10-15x/year, and aren't retired yet! They are jet setters!

  5. meredithNYC

    pomegranate / 3314 posts

    @Mrs. Jump Rope: It sounds like they have a dream life! I'm jealous.


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