Hellobee Boards

Not too much freaking out...but thinking "how are we going to make this work?!" I just try to take a deep breath and keep the faith...

BTW-- I'm sure you're going to be an amazing mom!

I'm a mom to two children who I deeply love and I STILL have those thoughts. Rest assured it's perfectly normal.

I've found that on the days when I'm completely worn out and wonder what the heck we were thinking to have these kids I like to tell my children that I am thankful for them. Because I am. So it sounds cheesy, but I like to say (aloud) every few days while hugging or snuggling each kid, "I'm so thankful for you." Because in my heart of hearts, even on the worst days - I truly am. I've found it's really hard to feel angsty about being a mama when I take time to recognize how much I'm thankful for these kids and their impact on my life. So that's one thing I do.

@Foodnerd81: @coopsmama: @T.H.O.U.: Yup! I didn't have the "what was I thinking?!?" Thoughts before he was born, but after, for a long time, I thought on a daily basis "my life was amazing before, why did we have a baby?!?" I don't know if it was PPD or normal, or if mine was worse from PPD, but I've definitely spoken to more moms that have felt that way than not.

@torchwood: you most likely will have those thoughts even after birth. But I just held him and looked at him and reminded myself what a miracle he was. AND that it would get better. Every mom told me "it gets better". And it truly truly does. The beginning sucks more than its awesome (in my opinion) so it's easy to get into a "what was I thinking?!" Mindset. But before you know it it's amazing way more than it sucks and it is so so so worth it. I still reminisce about how easy or life was before but would never trade him for it.

You'll be a good mom, don't worry

At the same time when I long for the days of sleeping in etc, I also cannot imagine the last four years without the love and laughter that our children have brought us. I cannot imagine four years of sleeping in watching tv and waiting my life away. Every day with my kids has a purpose and a meaning to help them grow.

I'm glad everyone else is saying you have those thoughts after birth more! (Okay, I'm not glad for you, Torchwood, cause I'm sure that's not what you want to hear.)

Here is the thing with parenthood - you go through all the highs and all the lows, and they don't cancel each other out. There might be more highs than lows, but you still live it all. And it's totally fine to think "this is the best worst thing!"

I have this (probably not well formed theory), that since in recent times we have evolved a lot as a society (a good thing!) and come to view parenthood as a choice, not an obligation, we feel guilty more. Like, "well this was my idea, shouldn't I love it?" Sometimes it seems like it would be more okay to worry/dread/freak out/mourn if motherhood was just something you had to do. I don't know if that made sense.

Yes it's your choice and something you want. That doesn't mean you have to feel awesome about it all the time. It's still this huge, selfless thing to bring a life into the world.

I've told my husband a million times that I feel so guilty that motherhood was harder than I thought it would be. I talk to friends who are all "don't you love it???" It's good to remember no one else is living your exact life. I know there are soooo many people out there with much harder lives than me. But we've had to deal with a rough pregnancy/labor, nut and dairy allergies, a surprise baby, two extremely active kids 17mo apart, a preemie, torticollis and PT. None of those things are huge, I admit. But it's okay to recognize no one really knows what you are going through 100%. So when my friend with one kid is telling me how enjoyable toddlerhood is, and I start to feel guilty for finding parts of it tough, I remember "she has a different kid/family:situation and her experience is not my experience." This especially helps with moms/MiLs who apparently never ever had children who misbehaved.

The other thing I do is step back from the Internet for a few days. Especially articles that are like "why parents are causing food allergies in their children" and "ten parenting mistakes you are making" and threads where everyone has a perfect division of labor/never feels any conflict between their identity and work status/never has money troubles, etc.

If you weren't worried at all, I would be worried for you! Your concern just shows you realize this is a big undertaking and that's a good thing.

I didn't have these feelings too much during pregnancy, but I had them a lot post partum (and still sometimes do 7 weeks out) I'm glad to hear others say the same. Apparently it's normal!

The first few weeks home were such an upheaval that I cried and cried to my husband asking him where the rewind button was. Or at the very least, pause so that I could get one decent nights sleep. A few days ago, I told him to point me to the nearest baby store because I wanted to make a return! I feel so guilty that I have these feelings, but deep down, when I separate myself from the emotion of the situation I know that I wouldn't change this for the world. The good moments are just soooo good (seeing her grow, having her smile at me, smelling her sweet baby smell as she sleeps on my chest) that it makes the hard moments so much more bearable.

Life WILL change, but it will change in the most amazing ways. You'll be an amazing mother (even if you want to rewind time sometimes!). So just acknowledge your feelings and know that they're totally normal!

I had that a lot after birth with ppd and what not...just a bit before birth. So it's probably good that you're going in eyes wide open so to speak. All I can say is there are ups and downs, like with marriage, but your lo becomes so much a part of your life you wouldn't know what to do without them... Or at least that's how I feel. Being a mom is amazing. Stick out the tough parts and the highs will be worth it!

Happy Mother's Day!

aww. i feel ya. i started getting very emotional in the third trimester whenever i thought about the next HUGE chapter of our lives looming in the near distance. i regularly thought: "omg, what have i DONE??!" and felt a strong urge to just...run away. i also truly got so sad at the thought of it no longer being just me and my husband. to help ease those thoughts, we really just enjoyed every minute of our free time together. spontaneous trips and outings to restaurants or even target late at night (bc you can never do that together once baby arrives...), and we made sure to go on a babymoon, or small weekend road trips. the more i felt we were enjoying each other those last remaining weeks, the better i felt. i really went through a "mourning the end of us" phase. those times were the absolute BEST times of our relationship and even now, i look back on that special time fondly.

and then... the baby arrives. and you can't ever imagine life without them! it's so cliche but true. totally normal to feel overwhelmed now though, it will pass!