So I'm pg with surprise baby #3. Didn't plan this one and it has taken a long time for me to warm up with the idea. To be honest, I'm still not 100% there and I'm already 22 weeks. I'm working on it, though, and trying to look at the positives. So I had my anatomy scan but had them put the gender in an envelope. I want to find out...but I'm so worried I will be disappointed and then it will make the rest of the pregnancy worse. I have a preference, which I hate, but I can't deny my feelings. I am pretty sure it is not my preference. Obviously I will LOVE and ADORE this baby once he/she arrives. But, in the meantime, I'm going crazy! A part of me feelings like I should just look and know and the other part of me says don't! HELP!
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I personally hate surprises so I would totally look!
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I'd go team green for a surprise baby! But since you want to find out, I'd say read it with your SO.
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I would look. Does your SO want to know?
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Rip the envelope open!
I had a preference for one gender, and got the other. I was disappointed, and while my heart still twinges with a desire for that dream, I love my baby so much it doesn't really matter anymore.
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I read the title and immediately thought "open that shit right now," but I have no self control.
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I clicked the link hoping I would see your response to opening the envelope. I couldn't hold out.
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@autumnlove: He wants to know! I told him he could peak inside the envelope but not to tell me if he did...so he may have already...no idea!
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@Jess1483: haha..I always found out at 16 weeks with my other 2! So this is just crazy! I'm such a planner too! I just don't want to feel disappointed as this baby deserves the best!
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@antigone: And I know that's how i will feel when this baby is here. It won't matter if she/he is not my "preferred" gender. I will want no other baby. I guess I'm being so much harder on myself because of how unaccepting I was of this pregnancy.
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@Jess1483: LOL!
@lov2teach: I think you should look. If the baby is not your preferred gender, at least you would have time to come to terms with it before the actual birth.
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Open! If it's not the gender you're hoping for better to find out now so you can get over the disappointment. Also maybe starting to put a gender and a name to the baby might help you bond a bit?
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@ClairHuxtable: agree!
Look
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I think you should sit down and think about why you have a gender preference - is it because you want to buy cute clothes for one sex? Or because you're scared to parent a certain sex? And then maybe write down all the wonderful things about having your less preferred sex. Ask here if you need inspiration! There's several threads on the pros of having boys, since most women seem to want girls.
Then sit down with DH and open the envelope. If it's your preference then yay! If it's not then take a minute to be sad, it's ok to be disappointed. Then read the list of great things about having that gender. And maybe even celebrate by buying them the cutest gender specific thing you can find.
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Burn it
I think the disappointment will be less to none when you have a real baby in your arms.Eta I completely disagree that having more time is better for sex disappointment. Part of why I don't want to find out the sex is because it is one more reason everyone else connects with baby, and makes me feel worse for not connecting more. But just go with your gut, mama.
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I would look! That way if it is the gender you aren't hoping for, you have time to come to terms with it before baby is here.
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@ShootingStar: The main reason why I have a preference is because it's been (in my opinion) a long time since I've had this gender. I'm blessed as I have one of each gender already, They are BOTH equally amazing and wonderful. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Boys and girls have such amazing qualities. My first one is almost 10 and my 2nd is almost 4. So I guess I want to experience that again, if that makes any sense? I know that once baby is here I won't feel disappointment, which makes me wonder about holding off. I always say I wish I was having twins so I could get one of each. Win win. ha
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@pastemoo: Good point. And I've never really connected before to the baby when I was pregnant, nor did I ever have a preference. It wasn't until they were in my arms that I fell head over heals in love. I guess I just need to see that baby to really connect.
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@lov2teach: don't look!!! I wish I would have gotten that surprise experience.
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Oh my word, I would tear that envelope open!! I'm impatient!
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@lov2teach: Do you think it would be easier for you to deal with gender disappointment now or later? Some feel like it's better when the baby is here, because you love them so much it doesn't matter anymore. I wanted to know before, because I would have felt guilty of I'd felt even a twinge of disappointment while holding my baby. After losing a girl, I really wanted a girl, so I would have been very sad if we had had a boy, even though in the long run I would have loved him just as much. I didn't want to be processing those feelings while trying to bond with a new baby.
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Rip it up! You won't care when he/she arrives and you won't have to dwell on it over the next 4 months or so if it's not your preference.
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Given all that you have said I wouldn't open it. At least not until your curiosity becomes greater than your gender dissappoint fear. Just 18 more weeks til total baby bliss.
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I'd toss it. Wait until baby is born to find out.
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I wouldn't look. I had a (slight) preference for a boy, but we were team green, and any disappointment I felt when my daughter was born was completely overwhelmed by all of the other amazing feelings I had when I looked at and held her for the first time.
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I would look if I had a preference. I think it will give you time to connect and accept the gender ...or you might be pleasantly surprised! You could stop wondering "what if and have your answer! sooo you should just open it and then tell us
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I would open it in a heart beat. I've had gender preferences with both my pregnancies and found out each time I was having the opposite. The disappointment was hard because I'd already had 20 weeks of high hopes to have my preference. If there was a way to find out at the same time I got my BFP what gender I'm having, I'd take it. I'm 35 weeks now and over my disappointment and excited for this baby as is
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OPEN IT AND TELL US!!!
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What @Finfan: said!
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@pastemoo: agree! burn!
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Give it to a bakery and make a reveal cake! If you are disappointed you can eat cake to feel better, if you are more excited you can eat cake to celebrate!
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@Keybee: I like the way you think, lol!
So, I haven't opened it! Still not sure if I will...ahhh!!!
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@Keybee: high five! Great answer!
@lov2teach: what she said -
I would open it!! But I have no patience whatsoever - I don't know how you have even managed to have it in your possession this long without opening it.
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Now I just want you to open it hahaha!
I think I would in your situation; I rather be disappointed now and work out my feelings now, then to find out when the baby came out and God forbid the disappointment washes over me then
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Don't open it!!!!!!!
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Thanks so much for your input! I'm surprised that I haven't opened it yet either. I just want to make sure I will be 100% ok with either gender as this baby deserves nothing else. He/she deserves to be celebrated.
If I do open it, I will come back here to update! -
@snowjewelz: That's what I was thinking too..but then I remember how I felt when my kids were born. I don't see how I would be disappointed after holding the baby and am finally able to connect.
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@lov2teach: Aww. Whatever you do, "it" will be loved
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38 comments