I can't believe it's Thursday again already! Looking to some positive news this week again 
Has having IF changed your outlook on life? Has it made you more sympathetic to the challenges other people face in their life?
Updates?
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Sometimes dealing with IF really makes me angry about how "unfair" life can be at times. However, I have become much more sympathetic when people are struggling and I see gray in more situations that I used to view as very black and white.
I have a monitoring appointment and ER is anticipated for the 20th or 21st.
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IF has definitely made me more sympathetic to other challenges people might face. It also makes me never want to complain about being pregnant, whenever that time comes, because there are people out there (like me now!) who would do anything to BE pregnant!
I'm waiting for AF. She's been in the "almost here" stage all week. Once she shows up, it's onto Clomid/IUI next cycle!
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IF has definitely made me more sympathetic toward people who are experiencing similar struggles, but it also can bring out the jealous side of me (it's a work in progress). I think with all we go through, it's impossible to not change, at least a little.
I've been MIA around here for a few weeks, reading but not replying - an unintentional HB break. I started nannying part-time about a month ago. I watch 2 little boys twice a week (Thursday and Friday), and they've been keeping me very busy!
IF Update: we're planning on starting the boring part (BCPs) of the IVF process in August! We're looking forward to finally trying something new, and hoping that we get some good news in a couple of months
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IF has changed me. My life was on a set course and most of it was in my control until IF came along. I have no power to control when I'll have a baby. Yes, I go through lots of emotions about life being unfair. I do find that we all are incredibly strong in our journey. I'm so surprised how I'm still sane after trying so long when others are popping out babies like it's candy. Like WTF! (Not mad at them, but mad at the cards I was given.) Gotta say that this IF community really helped me. As for being sympathetic to people with other challenges, I do but I also don't. Does that sound bad? This might be my mood as of today (since I got my BFN yesterday and might be AF spotting), but there is no medical support/ insurance for IF, unless you live in state that mandates it. And we are a long long way away from getting it. My wallet is speaking here, but people with other medical issues usually have that covered and don't have to pay out of pocket, though they do have deductibles and copays. They, at least, have some coverage. I do completely understand that emotionally we have similarities with the difficulties of our disease but we are sorta different. It sucks that money talks in my IF journey.
As for me, beta is scheduled today but this morning I saw some spotting so I think AF is about to make an appearance today.
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I think having to deal with IF has made me more grateful about other aspects in my life. As I'm sure most of us did, I NEVER thought I would have to go through this and it makes me so thankful for being otherwise healthy. Also, I know that it has made my relationship with my husband so much closer and stronger. It make me appreciate my family and friends more because they are extremely understanding and supportive. I also realize that you never know what other people have been through (since IF can be such a silent struggle) so it is important to be kind when you can tell people are having a tough time.
My update is that I am in the TWW after a smooth FET (2 embryos) on Tuesday. Trying to stay busy, hopeful, and relaxed until next week!
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IF has made me come to terms with not planning every single thing in my life out. It just doesn't work.
My update? Results (hopefully) 1 week today! EOD testing has been going well, and, positive: I have managed to be able to take omega 3 gel capsules. I have such a hard time with pills and I did it without panicking/gagging/freaking out! So pathetic but it's huge for me
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@bluestriped bee: I definitely have had to fight back a lot of anger about the money issues, too. We have been renters for several years and are really hoping to buy a house soon, but it makes me so mad that every time I try something new that has no guarantee of working I could be flushing $$ down the drain, and I could have had my house all these years… oh wait, oops, I'm trying to stay positive
! Lots of hugs for you my dear!
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@GreenThumb: And, conversely, we passed over renting in NYC (which had been our goal all along) and bought a 2 bedroom condo just north. That second bedroom is like a junk room right now... We're trying not to have regrets over it though.
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@GreenThumb: Yup, I'm in the same boat. Still renting. Though, I think I could have purchased a home last year but we aren't in an area where we want to buy a home so we are choosing to rent. (We don't think we will be anywhere near we are now in a few years, so our current location is definitely temporary.) Though if my last IUI doesn't work, I'll have to think about doing IVF and my plan to buy a home within 2-3 years might be pushed back.
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@bluestriped bee: @LindsayInNY: All these tough choices we have to make that others don't have to. There are so many rippling consequences of IF!
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I definitely echo what @mrswin and @lindsayinny are saying. Sometimes I dwell too much on how unfair IF is and it gets me really down. But, it does make me more sympathetic to others. If we are able to ever get pregnant I will make a point not to complain (because some many prego people that I know do complain and it just makes me feel terrible).
@bluestriped bee: You're so right about the financial part. It's an added stress on an already incredibly stressful situation.
@babycanuck: I get what you're saying about the planning thing! I am definitely a planner, this whole IF business has been like a smack in the face.
My news: Just had a positive OPK. IUI is scheduled for tomorrow morning!
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@bluestriped bee: Hoping that is just implantation and you get good news today!!!!
Oh my, how hasn't infertility changed me? Too long of a list to mention, but it caused me a few years of incredible pain, jealousy, bitterness.....now, even with having my son, I still am not over what we went through to have him and I feel bad for everybody trying so hard to have a baby.
I get jealous of other moms that just blink and get pregnant. A few weeks ago at the playground, I asked another mom the ages of her two daughters. She said, "They are three years apart, both born late spring...we timed it that way since I'm a teacher so I could have summers off". I felt so much jealousy towards her.
Here I drove in a 5 inch snowstorm an hour away in Jan 2012 for my embryo transfer. And I never cared when my son would be born. Never thought I'd even have a baby!! Just hard to wrap my head around how much easier it is for other people trying (or not trying) to have kids. Sorry, I'm rambling...
Anyway, 4 more days until I start stims!!! So excited and nervous and ready to go!
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@FliegepilzHut: Not sure that this tag will work b/c I just copied your name from the other thread, but just wanted to say like I did in the IVF thread that I think with that beta that it is twins!!!!!!
That's my guess anyway. I bet you can't wait for the ultrasound!
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Wow. IF has changed me tremendously. I never in a million years thought this would be my life. It has caused myself and DH so much pain with the 2 m/c and having to go to countless dr appts. As I have mentioned before, we have NO Infertility coverage- and those costs sure do add up.
So many people around me have had babies, and are onto their second and I just prayed for one. Fx this all works out for everyone. So time and mind consuming.
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IF has definitely made me more understanding of those who experience clinical depression. It's shaped how I view the TTC process and made me more sensitive to questions of when other couples are trying. I noticed that I now no longer ask if friends are trying for a baby or comments about what the next step should be unless the other person shares first. This is both to protect myself from jealousy & others from having to feel sorry for me or tiptoe around their pregnancy with me.
This process has also made DH & I closer sharing in the pain every month. Something also to be happy about is that I would not have learned so much about my own body had we not gone this experience or found such a supportive community in this forum. I am thankful that I do have great coverage, but time & money are very large factors to take into consideration when we got through more aggressive procedures.
My little update: first acupuncture consult & session tonight!
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Hello everyone! I jumped over from the IUI thread check in and haven't posted in one of these yet.
IF has definitely changed my life. I am one of those women that could get pregnant very easily when I was young and would never have dreamed that I would ever be in this situation. I have 4 children and thought that was it for me. I married my husband that has no children and desperately wants one. We have lost two babies and have been seeing an RE since we lost our second. IF has changed my life because I feel like it is all I do now days, all that I worry and stress about, wait around for. I don't want to say that it consumes me, but it almost does. I also didn't realize before how many women have IF issues. It has made me so aware of this and how difficult this journey is. No one seems to talk about it so you never know. I know I don't talk about it with anyone expect for my husband.
My husband's sister just recently got married and she has 4 children and her husband has two adopted children. He had a less then a 1% chance of conceiving due to very low sperm count. They are now pregnant and due in Dec. My husband was crying and said to me 'How can someone with less then a 1% chance of conceiving have a baby and we can't?'. This is exactly how IF has impacted our lives.
Now we are on our TWW with out first femera/ovidrel/IUI cycle and I pray this journey will be over for us, but I also know not to get my hopes up. I just pray that all of us.... 1st baby, 2nd baby or 5th baby LOL that we all get our BFP in the end.
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IF has made me experience levels of jealousy I never thought possible. I don't exactly like that side of myself when it happens, but it's so hard to not get jealous.
DH had his urologist appt this morning. I warned him that he may have to get his prostate examined which he scoffed at. Sure enough he did and that's all he kept bringing up at lunch, ha!!!
Urologist said everything looks fine but he ordered a follow up SA that he needs to do within the next two weeks. I guess now hopefully the next step would be an HSG and then maybe meds and an IUI but I need to talk to my doctor.
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@lazypanda: good luck with the first appointment! I hope it goes well
I forgot to ask my acupuncturist about whether or not she can pick up on anything (if you are prego). Shoot! I'll be curious to hear what yours says about that! Does he/she want you to bring in a temping chart or anything? Just curious how acupuncturists vary @boopers: glad to hear the urology appointment went well. I'm glad your DH survived the prostate exam! Maybe the follow up SA will be more promising? I hope you guys find some answers soon.
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@Jenn23: Well, beta results are in and it was
Onto the third (or sixth) IUI.
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@bluestriped bee: I'm so sorry
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@Boopers: Thanks.
The DH is taking this one pretty hard. It's heart breaking hearing him get so upset. He is so frustrated that others get pregnant so easily and we can't.
We leave for Disney in 16 days. Would love for AF to come so I could possibly fit an IUI in before our trip. If we don't, I'll be completely bummed... I don't think I have the heart to tell him that we might not be able to fit another IUI before our trip. We were both hoping we would be pregnant by the Disney trip. Sucks!
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@Jenn23: people who time their pregnancies blow my mid. How lucky...
@bluestriped bee: I am so, so sorry. What crappy news to get at the end of a 2ww. I am seriously hoping AF shows you today or tomorrow.
Changed me? Hmmm...mostly negatively but some positives.
- I no longer look at anything as predictable
- I no longer start planning things ahead of time (for example, with my son: I knew how I wanted the nursery before DH and I were married! Now? I don't even walk through a baby section lest I get my hopes up)
- I hate doctors visits. There is something about getting a stick shoved up my vagina 5-10x a cycle that makes a girl hate going!Good:
- I will never take anything I have for granted ever again
- I will appreciate very moment of pregnancy and this will make me appreciate the life of any future children we have (as it has with the son I have)
- I have discovered that my medical insurance is incredible and we happily pay it every month because we have gotten so, so many opportunists from the services they cover.
- mine and my husband's marriage has been tested and passed and I realize we are doing pretty well given that I am hormonally altered right now and for the last 15m To help kill time in the tww, we are going overseas (well, and for 5,000 other bigger reasons). I am SUPER EXCITED for stuffing my face and shopping a TON in my home country! That is all I've get on updates. We won't leave until the end of the month though and we will be gone awhile (trying not to give deets on the internet) so I won't be able to post immediately on whether or not it is a positive.
Anyway---rooting for you all and sending my love. -
@GreenThumb: Yes, definitely stay positive!
(And if you need a good laugh, there's a Womb Song on YouTube that kept both me and DH in stitches--it's a sing-a-long!) Wishing you and your 2 embies well!! 
@bluestriped bee: I'm sorry these cycles have been so hard... FX for your IUI...but if you have to move on to IVF, you'll have a great shot.
@winter_wonder: Wishing you
!!!@mrs bunchy: "Time and mind consuming" (and costly) is right!
Glad you've emerged on the other side! @lazypanda: Hope you have a great acupuncture session tonight!
@Jenn23: Thinking LOTS of good thoughts for you!
@just_ju: Hooray for starting the process!
@Beebee: Your poor DH... FX for you!!!
@Boopers: Sounds like a good plan! FX that you get your
soon!@CupQuakeWalk: Have a wonderful trip!!! Where will you be visiting?
I agree with @GreenThumb: -- this experience has made me grateful for all the things that I have not had to deal with personally...and while I am not happy to have had the experience, I am happy that it's been something that's tested both me and DH and made us have some hard conversations. I was pretty sure I would never do IVF, but life taught me otherwise, and I'm so glad we did. Wishing all of you success wherever your IF journey takes you!
I got a new shipment and am going to start my celebratory extra 6weeks (or 8 weeks?) of PIO tonight. U/S and follow-up will be on 7/30.
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@LindsayInNY: Agreed, when I get pregnant I have promised my SO that I will not complain about anything!
@just_ju: Nice to see you again! The jobs sounds fun. The BCP phase will go by quick... it did for me!
@bluestriped bee: Yeah the money side of it adds to my frustration. We have great care generally but nothing for IUI or IVF
@GreenThumb: our hopes to buy a house have been put off a couple of times for this very reason@winter_wonder: Good luck tomorrow
@lazypanda: It has definitely brought me and my SO closer which I appreciate. He is my rock, all day every day
@Beebee:
Hope this cycle is it for you.@Boopers: Happy to hear that the appointment went well today. Will you switch to an RE if you decide to do IUI's?
@bluestriped bee: Sorry
FX that you are able to do an IUI before your trip@CupQuakeWalk: I hope that you have a great trip home! I hope the reasons for going are happy ones. Is this your first time taking your LO?
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@FliegepilzHut: You can add me to the list of people thinking that you have two in there!
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@mrswin: It's definitely a majority at this point.
Only time will tell... Have you and DH decided how many you will probably transfer? Thinking lots and lots of good thoughts for you!!! -
@bluestriped bee: ((hugs)) I'm sorry. I hope you fit another in before Disney but have an awesome time either way!!
@FliegepilzHut: Where is all this multiple talk coming from?! What did I miss?
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@FliegepilzHut: I would like to say we are thinking about only transferring one but depending on how things are looking we will seriously consider two.
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@LindsayInNY: My first beta was pretty high (328)! But apparently (if I'm interpreting the article I read online correctly.
) this indicates about a 50% chance of a twin pregnancy. So, we'll see... -
@mrswin: We talked a lot about it...and finally decided on 2 for the best odds. But on the day of transfer, we weren't even really candidates for eSET (not >4 high-quality embryos...at least I think those are the standards)...although a few more did mature into healthy blasts a couple of days later. Twins would (will?) be one heck of a ride if that's what we get...but we'll totally take it (them?) at this point!
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@mrswin: I totally feel you on seeing the "gray" "in things. The more I live, the more I understand that black and white just don't exist.
@LindsayInNY: Good luck with your next cycle. Is this your first IUI?
@just_ju: I feel you on the jealousy. I feel so much compassion for others that have experienced this too, but my jealousy has been out of control lately
I hate it!@bluestriped bee: I totally feel you! I got my college degree, my master's degree, I got married, got the job I always wanted. I worked my butt off for all of those things, but was lucky as well. Then my dad died, a year and a half later we realize we're probably facing infertility and six months later my dog dies. I am just really done, and bitter, right now. The coverage thing makes me so bitter. I can't process all of the GoFundMe campaigns on facebook right now. I have every insurance that can be purchased: Short Term disability, Long Term disability, catastrophic illness, accident, renter's, full coverage auto, life insurance and double health coverage. These people don't have any of these (logically, I understand that many of them aren't in a position where they can) and when life deals them a crappy hand, they just ask for money and it arrives. Meanwhile, I'm in physical pain everyday because of my endometriosis, and taking on extra work to help pay for infertility treatments because even with all that coverage, my IF isn't. On another note, neither is my next step for treating the endo, even though it isn't IF related at all. It's a chemically induced, 6 month menopause, and it would cost me $6,000.
Also, I really hope it isn't AF...but I know how hard it is to keep the hope alive.
@GreenThumb: Fingers crossed for sticky embies
@babycanuck: You're so right...these last 3 years in my life have been driving that point super hard: I don't have control over anything.
@winter_wonder: Good luck tomorrow!
@FliegepilzHut: I too thought I would never do IVF, that I would "just adopt" if needed. Now I know that it will be awhile before we can afford it, but if we get there, we'll try it at least once before trying to adopt.
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@owlteach: I'm sorry things are so rough right now...
I totally thought we'd be the people who went straight to adoption... And if I hadn't gotten pregnant & miscarried ~2 years ago, who knows? I really hope you feel better and get your soon!!! -
@owlteach: Yeah, it'll be the first to proceed to IUI. We got through Clomid last time but that was it.
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@LindsayInNY:
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@owlteach: Thank you. I hope something works out for you. I hate how costly IF is....it's so unfair
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@Beebee: welcome to the IF thread check-in. Lots of great supportive ladies on here as I mentioned in the IUI thread.
@FliegepilzHut: @winter_wonder: my first acupuncture appt was great! I felt very relaxed and the needles did not bother me. I actually went ahead and wrote a check for 12 additional sessions (definitely not cheap, but the package deal saved me more in the long run). My acupuncturist actually said that it was the perfect time for me to have come in and that my pulse indicated that I am in the implantation phase. She said that it was great that I had ovulated and that the needle points she put in were to help bring my 3 meridians up. After speaking to her and going through the acupuncture, I've decided to continue my med free cycle/break to see whether or not acupuncture alone can bring ovulation on. Hopefully, that won't be needed and that I get my BFP this cycle, but otherwise I feel comfortable with this alternate route for now. I'll be calling my RE next week to let him know that I've started acupuncture and ask that I continue to receive my cd21 progesterone lab work.
@winter_wonder: they are able to tell if a woman is pregnant by feeling a "slippery, rolling" pulse. I brought in some of my lab results to her since working with my RE and had to fill out a background history of all the medications I've used. She mentioned that during different phases of my cycle, the treatment/needle points would be different to reflect these changes. For instance, if AF comes next week, then she would be sticking needle points to help shed the lining. How often do you see your acupuncturist?
@GreenThumb: woohoo for the TWW! Do you have a beta test date or a date that you plan to test with an FRER?
I will try update the list this weekend unless someone else would like to do so. Does everyone find it to be helpful or is there too much information being shared on the list?
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Another day, another new cycle...
It's hit or miss as to how I handle it. This is not the best month though. I find myself really discouraged and over things. I'm glad to be moving forward with IUI this cycle but frustrated with the unexplained diagnosis. It just doesn't make sense to me and all of this just "isn't fair." To add to it, SIL is getting married in September and plans to start TTC right away. They'll have been together 6 months at that point. So I'm sure you can guess the emotions and feelings that are coming with that... I really feel like that might push me over the edge. (sorry for all the negativity...)
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@LindsayInNY:
I'm still hangin' out!
ETA: IF has changed my whole life's course. I thought I'd get married, have kids, live happily ever after. Now DH and I are considering remaining child free if we don't ever conceive. It's been a tough issue to marinate on.
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@LindsayInNY: Negativity is a part of the process. Get it all out here on HB. We can help you through it.
I can totally understand the feelings you are having with your SIL. And yes - the unexplained diagnosis really sucks. It does. (same diagnosis here) There's no reason why it's not happening, it's just not. And all you can do is keeping putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. And know - that even with an unexplained diagnosis - as long as you keep moving forward, keep living each day - the possibility of a BFP is still there. I'm an IUI success story and my thoughts behind IUI/unexplained infertility are that we just need a little help to get everything in place at the right time.
! Lots of hugs for you my dear!
Onto the third (or sixth) IUI.
soon!
Only time will tell... Have you and DH decided how many you will probably transfer? Thinking lots and lots of good thoughts for you!!! Subscribe to our newsletter
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