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Ugh I'm sorry- that's rough, especially since I know E still thinks night time equals party time. Does he realize how difficult the nights are? Your Dh seems to be pretty involved and understanding, but if he is sleeping through all the nights maybe he just has no idea? Not that it would help much, if he needs the medicine, he needs it.

We haven't really sorted out a balance yet. Weekends we work well together and I'll pass C off to Dh fairly when she's being fussy. We are still bfing so I'm the only one who can handle that. Intake te nights because of the feeding, plus I'm not going to work in the morning. On the weekends, Dh will usually take her out to the living room and let me sleep an extra few hours one of the days which makes a big difference.

Week nights are hard bc like you, when he gets home I'm ready to hand her off, but I know he just worked all day. And while I think my "job" is a lot harder than being in the office, I also wnt to be home with her- I just want to be sure he knows how hard it is. We had a big discussion the other day bc he said something about it not mattering if we stayed up late because I could "ease into the day" the next day where he had to get up and out the door on time. I got pretty mad about that one! Like, I k ow exactly how hard it is to get up and go I work, thanks, I did it for ten years before this. Now I'm up once at night for 1-2 hours then again by seven ive got a screaming baby who doesn't care if in tired or its the weekend.

In your case, is there a time he can just take over completely, just for a few hours a couple if times a week? I know when Dh takes C for those two hours on a weekend morning I feel so much better, both bc I get the sleep, and because I appreciate his effort and it tells me that he values what I'm doing te rest of the time. It's rough with the long hours your Dh I working plus the health stuff!

Do you have a parent or other family member that could be willing to come by one afternoon so you both get a break?

@Cherrybee: not our babies. No 8 week fussiness for them, I don't care what anyone says!

When LO was a newborn one of his coworkers told him that I should be doing all of the night wakings because DH needs his rest because he works. I was livid. What am I doing all day long?! Luckily DH and I have the same opinions on this and he did every other night waking. Also when she was little he would take her for 1/2 hour to an hour when he got home from work. It was nice having that break. Now that she's a toddler and he can't just scoop her up and take her away I don't get that break anymore. But I do tell him, "it's your turn" when she gets up and runs to another room because I just want to sit for a second. I know he's tired and he's been working all day and he just wants to sit too.... but he sits in a cubicle all day while I'm 24 weeks pregnant chasing around a 2 year old. I win.

@Cherrybee: My husband and I are struggling with the same thing right now. We've gotten in a bad cycle where neither of us is getting enough sleep and we end up blaming each other, when it's neither of our fault--it's just having a 7 week old who doensn't sleep!

Anyway, I wouldn't say what we're doing right now is the best, but it's helping us get by (barely) for now. I'm with our baby all day--hardly ever get a nap, because she is a cat napper and sleeps very lightly with a lot of wakeups. As soon as DH gets home at 6:30-7:00, he basically has the baby all night because he misses her. I make dinner or do a little cleaning up.

We give her a bath together every night, and then he puts her down to sleep. She always wakes up twice a night and I also have to pump twice a night (the root of why I'm not getting any night time sleep). She usually wakes at 1:30 and 4:30 or so. She is usually up after 4:30...this is a sleep issue we can't solve for now. She thinks that's morning. So I feed her, then wake him up at 5:00 am, and he takes care of her until he goes to work at 8--those 3 hours are pretty much the longest (sometimes feels like ONLY) stretch of sleep I get at night.

Like I said. THis is not a perfect plan. I resent having to both do wakeups AND pump at night, which means I'm awake for at least 1 1/2 hours each time, which means I get no sleep in between our LO's wakings. But he resents having to wake up at 5 if he doesn't go to bed till 11:30 or 12:00 (whereas I feel like his going to bed time is his own fault--he should go to bed at 9 if he's tired..I don't have that choice as I have to keep to a pumping schedule and it doesn't make sense to go to bed if I'm supposed to pump in the next 45 minutes).

Anyway....She's 7 weeks now and I'm just hoping and praying that she goes down to 1 night wakeup sometime soon because we are dying over here. =(

honey, you need some balance! When i was on leave, I basically did thrust the baby at Dh every evening so I could get dinner made. We split some weekends....mostly, he took her in the mornings Sat/Sun so I could sleep in and catch up. That was our trade off...i got the weekends to sleep in, but he got good sleep during the week while he had to work.

What if your game plan includes him taking E certain evenings of the week? Maybe one night of the week, you say, "ok this is your solo night, you can relax" so you have a schedule? We both were able to get some alone time but maybe if you hash out the schedule together, it will avoid some conflict?

I was at home for 2 years, and I did all the nightwakings because my husband would go to the office. I will be honest though, the housework wasn't necessarily getting done then, because I was napping when my son napped.

My husband took over some of the household chores, like the ironing (of his shirts) and we turned grocery shopping into a family activity on the weekends.

One thing we did agree on, though, was that dinner time was my son's witching hour, so it might mean that he had to take over dinner duty if I hadn't had a chance to prepare something earlier in the day. We ate a lot of sandwiches and frozen pizza in those days.

Aww I am sorry you are going through this. It must be tough with the meds he is on but I really think its no excuse. You obviously need a break and you DH should give you most of the evening to yourself. It is amazing what an hour or two away from it all can do. Looking after a child is 50/50 and it does NOT matter that you are not working you have the hardest job there is. Hopefully you can come up with a schedule with DH.

@Cherrybee: I think you are allowed to bitch to your Internet friends when you need to. You've posted plenty of things that let me know he isn't a deadbeat jerk dad, don't worry. Glad you guys had a good talk though- it helps to hear the others perspective and not just let it stew.

Any chance you can try sleeping during the day with her more? I knowi have shard time with that too but if its the only time she sleeps maybe you could try again. Hope E has a good day for you.

Dude we had these same conversations, practically word-for-word. Especially about him being confused that I was so tired and why wasn't I napping while she napped (i got so tired of spending the whole damn day in bed trying to sleep! ANd it's not the same as night sleep!). I don't have any suggestions, but it did work itself out once she started sleeping better and I wasn't so exhausted and pissed off all the time. Now I'm back at work and DH has her alone for 3 hrs every morning while I go to work.

This stage is so hard, especially with a fussy baby. How does your LO do playing by herself? Or being worn? I got through the colicky days by doing housework while she was awake - either chatting to her while I did the dishes or folded the laundry while she played on her activity mat or wearing her. It meant that during naps I could do something just for me.

I totally relate to the resentment toward even the best partner. DH really does an incredible amount of parenting when he's home but I still resent when he wants to take a nap on the weekend - I feel like I'm being made to work overtime. And I irrationally resent the fact that he gets to go to work, and have lunch with workmates even though I know it must suck having to go into work after having no sleep. Don't feel guilty about having these thoughts. Being a new mum is tough..

@Cherrybee: yeah, that brings back memories. The colicky phase was hands down the hardest thing I've ever been through. I gathered a lot of support resources online if you ever want to be pointed in the direction of some helpful sites, though I know at that stage I was totally overwhelmed by all the conflicting advice on colic.

Just remember you're not doing anything wrong. There's not a magical combination of holding and rocking and white noise that will soothe your baby every time she cries. Colicky babies are just harder to soothe. But all of that holding and wearing and rocking you're doing is building a bond, whether or not you feel that bond all the time - I certainly didn't in the early days. It's what you are doing, in really difficult circumstances, to show her that you are there and taking care of her that counts and you are an amazing mama and you're doing an amazing job.

I remember conversations very similar to this. I was/am a terrible person at 3 am. It gets ugly. These moments do get further and further apart. Hang in there and keep communicating with your partner with how you are feeling.