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Oh, I'm so very sorry for your loss
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I'm more sorry than I can ever say. I don't have perspective or advice but wanted to sendin you huge hugs during this time.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mom unexpectedly almost 8 years ago. My parents had divorced a number of years earlier (neither remarried), but had remained friendly. My dad definitely went through a grieving period. When mom passed away I was at a strange point in my life, so I ended up moving back in with my dad for about 2 months before leaving to literally start my life over. My dad isn't really the emotional type, at least not out loud, but I think it was nice for him to have me around. I would try to visit as often as you can in the first few months, or could you invite him to come visit you? Do you have siblings that could do the same? I think one if the main things aside from the actual death and grieving is the loneliness that follows. Does he have a close family or social circle near him that he can lean on?
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Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for your loss!
Hugs!
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Forgive me for not tagging everyone individually, but thank you so so much for the kind words and prayers
I love this community so much I am definitely going to spend as much time there possible. Dad lives in a very small gated community in the middle of the country (he and my mom built a lake house there when Dad retired). It is small, but everyone knows each other and they are checking in on him frequently. All of our extended family and close family friends are 10 hours away, so he is actually going to go visit there after the service this weekend. He has lots of short term support, but most of the friends in the community are really mom's friends, since she was the social butterfly. They all love my dad too, but he isn't one to be incredibly social on his own. I am a little worried about what happens when the shock wears off and everyone gets back to their normal lives...I am afraid that all of the things he used to enjoy doing he will feel guilty doing/enjoying without my mom.
Thank you so much for all of the advice. I am so sorry to those of you who have also lost loved ones. It isn't something I ever anticipated dealing with at such a young age (Mom was only 54) and I am still feeling pretty numb about the whole thing.
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I am so very sorry for your loss. Big hugs, you and your family are in my thoughts
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss - sending lots of hugs
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I don't have any advice, but I am so sorry for you and your family. I hope you find peace and support with each other during this difficult time.
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@Mrs. Lion: I am very sorry for your loss. It has been two months since my dad passed.
Just do the best you can. Can your dad stay with you for awhile? Can you visit often? That sounds like a very difficult transition for him. I would just do my best to include him and think of him as often as possible (calls, letters, but in person contact #1!) I am so sorry. Because it is the holidays, can he stay with you or another loved one?
It is hard when everyone goes back to their lives. I have had to really reach out to others. I would do your best to continue to reach out to him!
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@Greentea: I wish he would come stay with us. I offered, but I don't think he will take us up on it. I may ask again though... or at least plan on going down every other week or so. It is going to be hard once January gets here though, because I am nearing the end of this pregnancy and I am considered high risk and can't be away from home.
Maybe I can talk him into coming to visit even if he doesn't stay...
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@Mrs. Lion: I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
I don't have the exact same experience as you, but I did lose my mom when I was in high school. At the time I wasn't in a position to fully support my dad as I might be able to now. He has since remarried and now separated. Both my sister and I live out of province so he lives alone with my little half brother who is graduating from high school.
He has siblings and my grandma there that he has meals with weekly and during weeknights he has been occupying his time involved in his church, choir and small group.
It sounds like your dad also has a good community there to support him. I have also invited my dad to visit us since we moved but he never did. However I think he does appreciate the Skype calls we do with him especially with LO and it's nice to keep inviting him even if he does not visit.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a few years ago and was worried about similar things for my dad. We knew it was coming, but she passed sooner than we expected and it was very hard. In the early days, I tried to help as much as possible where I could - going through her things, helping him design her headstone, etc. My dad does best when he is busy and planning something, so we planned a vacation as a family (me, DH, my dad, and my brother) and we started a tradition of celebrating my mom's birthday with a dinner and the day she died with a brunch. I encouraged my dad to stay close to my mom's family since his family is not local, and they have really helped support him too. These days I try to make sure my dad gets lots of opportunities to hang out with LO, since I know she brings him alot of joy.
I think just being there is the most important thing, whether it is being physically present or just calling alot, and then as time goes by, making sure he is getting out, seeing people, doing activities, etc.
Hugs, and make sure to take care of yourself too.
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@Mrs. Lion: Even if he says no now, I suggest inviting him later when things are starting to settle down.
Or even ask him to come and "help" you. Even if you don't need the help. It might make him feel good to be needed.
If you need anything feel free to wall me. My father's death wasn't unexpected (he had brain cancer), but in the overall scheme of things I know how much it sucks to lose a parent.
And something another boardie said to me about loss (in a MC forum) that I think is really useful...Respect the Funk.
You're going to get into funks and you're going to be tempted to push those feelings down and ignore them in an effort to move on. Don't be afraid to feel the funk and wallow in it a bit so you can move past it.
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So, so sorry to hear this news
I hope you and the family are coping the best that you can.
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@Mrs. Lion: I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss.
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@Mrs. Lion: I am so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace to your mom and may her memories help carry you and your dad through this hard time.
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I am very sorry for your loss
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I just wanted to say that I am so very sorry for your loss.
You and your family are in my thoughts. *hugs*
Hugs!
Maybe I can talk him into coming to visit even if he doesn't stay...
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