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If I wasn't in love, I would leave. Life is to short to be unhappy.

That said I can't imagine not loving him!!

We'll stick it out, unless there's instance of infidelity or abuse. Even then we would go to lots of counseling. Lots and lots.

I firmly believe that love is primarily a choice and is not supposed to be lovey dovey feelings all the time no matter what. I would work really hard to reconnect and find out what was causing me to feel differently towards him. Barring severe issues that were not able to be overcome with counseling (behavioral) I wouldn't leave.

@Smurfette: agree!

@Mrs. Pen: I definitely would leave the house should there be any abuse. And I'm pretty positive I would leave if he ever hurt LO. However, I do know people that have worked through abuse (mainly emotional, but I think some instances of physical) and with lots of counseling and accountability, they now have a wonderful, Godly marriage. I won't discount someone's ability to repent, just like I won't discount someone's ability to sin.

ETA: Physical abuse would definitely be a deal breaker for me

I also believe that love is a choice, like @running elley. Its an action. My husband isnt always lovable, but I will choose to love him anyway, and vice versa. I take my vows very seriously and would never leave, except under dire circumstances like abuse. That might sound naive to some, but I think those are the kinds of marriages that really last.

Without reoccurring infidelity or abuse neither DH or I would consider divorce! First, love is an action, not a feeling so we vowed to make a conscious effort & choice to love each other for the rest of our lives. Second, I've already been through divorce with a child because we NEEDED to get out & I've seen first hand the long term ramifications of divorce on a child (along with my own issues as an adult from divorced parents). I'm sure atleast some of you have seen my posts regarding G & the things he is still & will forever be dealing with... I just can't do that to him & don't want any of our other children to ever know what that's like. Given the relationship isn't volatile I know that it's better for my children to be in an intact marriage than "happy" divorced parents!

Here's an excerpt from an interview concerning the family unit & children.

"Q.
Married couples who avoid divorce
Mr. Wilcox, what does your research (or what is your opinion) regarding those families in which the married couple functions day-to-day essentially as a divorced couple whilst living under one roof? Does research favor parents remaining married and physically under one roof with irreconcilable differences for the sake of children, or is it healthier for the parents to divorce and live physically separately? Thank you for considering this question.

A.
Brad Wilcox :
Research by Paul Amato and Alan Booth at Penn State suggests that it is better for married parents to part ways when they have a high-conflict relationship - domestic violence, screaming matches, etc. -- for the sake of their children. In such high-conflict marriages, divorce seems to be a better option.

But when parents are simply unhappy, or seemingly drifting apart, or have some other ongoing pattern of conflict, Amato and Booth's research suggests that it is better for the kids if they stay together. In other words, kids are more likely to be harmed if parents in a low-conflict marriage decide to move ahead with a divorce.

A low-conflict divorce can shatter their faith in marriage and, more generally, relationships.

Unfortunately, Amato and Booth also note that about 2/3rds of divorces today involving children are situations where there is low conflict. And their research suggests that parents should not divorce if they have a low-conflict marriage.

So, in the case you mention, I think the parents should stay married.

But it is important to note that there are resources out there - like SmartMarriages.com - that can help couples facing real difficulties make marked improvements in their relationship. And I would encourage couples with real difficulties to make such an effort for their kids' sake, and for their own sake."
http://live.washingtonpost.com/onlove-pitfalls-of-cohabitation.html

For us, there is no doubt we would seek counseling & start becoming more active in investing in our marriage b/c if one or both of us "fell out of love" I think it'd be safe to say we both had stopped investing in "us" long before we came to that point.

@runsyellowlites: perfectly said. DH and I both come from divorced parents, there was alcoholism but no conflict that caused it, I think that through our dads sobriety our parents relationships could have worked out but they were mentally checked out. DH and I are determined to make it work for Jacob. He deserves to see a happy and healthy marriage.

@Mrs. Pen: my DH is totally inhuman like with his patience too! Freaks me out sometimes

@Mrs. Pen: @babyjmama: my husband is inhumanly patient too!! it's my favorite trait about him... that, and his crazy amount of compassion.

Oops, can't edit on my iPhone...

...so I will give the relationship 110% and pray with all my might we can make it work.

This one is hard. We're still newlyweds, so I just can't imagine not loving my husband. And both of us grew up with parents in happy marriages, and we didn't get married till we were older, and we have college degrees. I also like to think I did a really good job choosing a husband, which is why I was a bit older. Statistically (on paper), we're good to go.

But I've been around long enough to know that you just never know.

The info on divorce is good though. My parents had a (sometimes, I think unnaturally) super amazing marriage. And I think that gave me weird expectations about relationships in a way, too. For example...in my entire life growing up, I never saw my parents argue with each other, or even disagree with each other, or even really snap at each other. At US (the kids), sure--but not with each other.

So it's been interesting as an adult to realize that it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed if you disagree with your spouse, and even occasionally have heated words. You can still love each other through that.

For sure, marriage is a type of work...

@Running Elley: I agree. Love is definitely a choice!

DH has good perspective. He believes that you can be really mad at someone and it doesn't affect the status of the relationship. I, on the other hand, can be short sighted and jump too quickly to conclusions when I'm mad. Thank goodness I have half the sense to *not* actually make drastic decisions when I'm angry, or we'd be in trouble! I need to learn from him.

With that said, if we fell out of love, I know that we'd try to do all we can before leaving (counseling, etc). To be honest, I don't think DH would ever stop loving me. Or I should say that I'm not stupid enough to do anything that would make him stop. But it's not in his nature -that's why I picked him

As for the ex. He lied and cheated. He didn't know how to be a husband; he didn't know how to be in a relationship! He didn't believe in compromise (his words) and in the end, turns out he didn't know himself because if he did, he wouldn't have made a complete and total turnaround just because he accomplished a goal. Regardless, I tried to make it work, but it takes two. He left me, I filed for divorce. I thank my lucky stars I went through that when I did (no baby) and I don't ever have to deal with him!

@Running Elley: Agree!!

I can't imagine falling out of love with him. We've been through some tough times together and I'm sure we will be through tougher ones. I have to always remember to remind myself to look for the things I love about him when we are struggling. I wouldn't leave him if I felt we weren't in love anymore. We would go to counseling. We've done it before, we could do it again.

@Running Elley: Exactly what you said.

hmmm this is tough. on one hand, we took vows and pledged to stay together forever through better or worse, but on the other hand, i would never want to be in an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life. i think life is too short to be unhappy and miserable, trying to fix a relationship that is obviously too far gone and over. i would definitely work through all counseling and give it our all, but at the end of the day if i was no longer in love with the man i once married then yes, i would leave, but not without tons of talking, help, and therapy together.