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@Smurfette: Agreed!
I would definitely be open to counselling but in the end, if I'm still not happy, I would leave.
However, I reeeeeeally can't imagine not loving him!!
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If we just weren't madly in love with each other, but still like each other and are a good partnership, I'd work on it and try counseling or whatever it took, but wouldn't leave.
If we truly stopped liking each other and made each other actively unhappy, I'd definitely try counseling still, and I'd really really want to stick out and work through it, but not at the expense of the kids. I can't imagine us ever going through something we couldn't work out though.
Abuse, emotional or physical, and especially when it affects the kids, is a different story.
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I have a different view on things, largely because this idea of romantic love leading to marriage is relatively new in the grand scheme of humans.
I love my husband, I love my son, I love my parents. My husband and I are married because we wanted the legal benefits that come to married spouses, primarily in order to protect the family unit in the event of a tragedy. I also know that feelings change as you get older, and as people go through their lives, they aren't often the same as they were a number of years ago, and that's okay. There's no reason to apologize for the fact that who I would have chosen to marry at 22 is different than who I ultimately chose at 32. I also feel life is too short to be unhappy so if you feel like you are happier alone than in the company of another person, you should do that.
I also don't subscribe to the religious aspect of marriage. To me, it's a civil act.
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I think if I simply "fell out of love" with DH, I'd do my best to get to the root cause of the issue and make it work. We've been through rough patches and have come out stronger so I fully believe that a marriage in all about ups and downs.
If, however, I "fell out of love" because of his behaviour - neglect, complacency perhaps - I would need to see that he was making an effort to address these problems and if he refused to meet me half way I would consider leaving.
Of course, if there was abuse - physical or emotional - I'd be gone in a heartbeat. Been there, done that - never again.
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@NovBaby1112: I wrestle with it as well. DH and I actually talked about it last night because we were defintiely raised with the ideaology that "divorce is NOT an option. It's not in our vocabulary." both of our parents said that ins a huge reason they're together - my parents have been together 28 years and his about 32 I think... So that's somewhat ingrained in me... however I also agree that being ina loveless/unhappy marriage for the one life you have to live sounds so miserable. So I do agree we'd do counseling and try to find out what is going on - but I personally feel so conflicted on what I would do. DH said he would never ever leave me or let me leave even if I didn't love him anymore. He said he vowed to be with me forever and he doesn't take that lightly.
So yeah... I'm definitely not sure! -
I've realized the hard way in prior relationships that I didn't actually love the person I was dating and the relationship always sort of fizzled out shortly after I came to that realization. I can't imagine staying with someone who I didn't love, whether we had a child together or not.
And I know this sounds all hearts and flowers and eye-roll worthy, but I can truly say I love my DH more and more every day and it's an all-encompassing deep love that I've never experienced before. So if we ever break up, it won't be because we fell out of love.
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It's funny, I don't believe love is a choice at all. If you've ever tried to stop loving someone, it's not an easy feat. And I'd imagine trying to do the opposite wouldn't be much easier. I do however believe that relationships are a choice that take work and nurturing.
If I was to stop loving DH and went through everything I could to try to revive my feelings for him and couldn't, I would leave. (As a side note, I can't even imagine this happening unless he does something awful.) I want to model a happy, loving relationship for my children and I feel like going through the motions isn't good or fair to anyone. Also, if DH irrevocably fell out of love with me, I'd leave him as well. I have high needs for needing to feel loved, and I'd probably hate him for not loving me when I still loved him.
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