...what made you decide either way?
...what made you decide either way?
apricot / 342 posts
DH and I decided wayyyy before we got married that we didn't want children at all. Then we got baby fever and now we have an awesome baby boy. We decided when I was pregnant, that he was going to be it. But we are going to try again later this year. Lol.. I don't know. We both enjoy him so much! And we really want to give him a sibling.
honeydew / 7586 posts
@mrsbookworm: Us too!
I am 75% wanting a second/25% one and done
DH is 10% wanting a second/90% one and done
Quite the cunumdrum!
pear / 1823 posts
@rahlyrah: I think we're feeling about the same way as you and your DH. We're older parents, so we have to make a decision fairly soon!
persimmon / 1205 posts
@irene: This is us too! It's hard when I see a newborn - I just melt. But I am super grateful for my daughter - she is such a gift!
pomelo / 5678 posts
This is on my mind every.single.second! Just like graduate school! And the two don't go great together
I don't know how anyone figures it out. I guess eventually we just do or don't? I don't know! I constantly go back and forth. I feel like whether to have 2 is a bigger decision than whether to have 1!
honeydew / 7504 posts
@rahlyrah: We're also still deciding. But I think we're the opposite of you and your husband - I'm 10/90, he's 75/25.
pear / 1639 posts
Still deciding...I think we'll end up with more than 1 but it's so scary. We wouldn't want a big gap, maybe 2-3 years, and that just seems SO soon. Gahhh.
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: best answer ever.
My sister (#3) is my moms favorite mistake.
ETA: my brother and I call her that, not my mom. That wouldn't be nice. But my sister also wasn't planned. Actually, neither was my brother.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
I/we are trying to decide as well.
I reeeeeally want a #2, and so does DH, BUT, he is having major issues with his health (sleep, GI, depression/anxiety) at the moment and I will be 36 soon... we won't be able to wait too much longer before we have to decide what to do...maybe a year or two tops??
If we try for #2 soon, it would basically be with the knowledge that at least in the short term, I would likely be caring for both kids, the house, dog, and DH (to a certain extent), plus working...with no family nearby. I also did not have an easy pregnancy the first go around (very sick in the beginning, LOTS of swelling in the end, but no major issues)... so it would probably be stupid to have a #2 with everything else going on. Then again, I have always wanted a big family, so even 2 would be way less than I orginally planned, and I don't want to regret not having a bigger family. Plus, both DH and I adore our siblings and really want LO to have a sibling too... So basically, we're trying to decide if I could/should shoulder the burden of being sole caregiver for a period of time in hopes that DH will improve and get back to his old self. I'm glad we don't have to make this decision today, because I don't know what I would do!
I will say that I've started to sell some of the bigger baby items (jumperoo, etc.) that take up space... DH keeps telling me to save them for baby #2, but I guess a part of me is trying to accept that we may be one and done... that, and maybe I just want more room!
ETA: One reason I am leaning towards a second, is that I have had several clients (I'm a therapist) who are adults without siblings, caring for aging parents, who have expressed feeling sad/lonely about not having a sibling... multiple clients have said they felt overwhelmed caring for their parents without siblings to share the load and that they dread the fact that when their parents gone, they will be alone...hearing this more than a few times made me want to have a sibling for LO. Also, someone once told me, don't worry about the 0-5 years... it can be challenging having 2+ young kids, but you get through... instead, think about holidays 20+ years from now and think about how many people you want around the table...
I think I'd be more likely to regret not having a second than to regret having one... as much work as it has been to basically solo parent LO, I have never had any regrets... she makes me smile every day (even though she has her moments)!
On the other hand, I can't imagine how I would manage everything if I was sick as a dog again during pregnancy. Plus, my MIL has already told me she thinks it's a really bad idea to have a #2 given my DH's health. I'm also scared about the probability of a genetic issue or something going up as I get older.
papaya / 10473 posts
Ridiculous lack of sleep (I'm on my hands and knees right now patting a screaming, up every hour, sleep training-proof baby on the butt through the crib rails), and the subsequent toll it has taken on our marriage. One and dunzo. Shop's closed!
pomegranate / 3577 posts
@grizz: Oh no. Baby bear, sleep! I wish I could will it through the internets for you!
pomelo / 5678 posts
@grizz: I connect to you big time on the no sleep. I.don't.know.how.the.fuck.we.are.alive right now! Some kind of new parent adrenaline miracle I swear! Sometimes I wonder if people that have more than one tended to have a good sleeper or less colicy baby #1... or when SAHMs say they have downtime... I have no.idea.what.they.are.talking.about!
apricot / 469 posts
@78h2o: I've heard the argument to not worry about the 0-5 years and think about the holiday table and it's always seemed nuts to me! 5 years of constant demands is supposed to be outweighed by a few hours of a holiday dinner each year!? Also, I have yet to see a family holiday dinner where there isn't some sort of family 'situation' going on. I call it the Rockwell argument - it looks great, but it's not real! Just a vent cos people keep saying this to me! Lol!
grapefruit / 4441 posts
@Aimed: haha! I definitely know what you mean, but I guess I do sorta buy that arguement because both my parents came from large familes (mom's family had 5 kids, dad's family had 4 kids) and I've always loved holidays, family reunions, and family gatherings in general. Zero drama whatsoever on my mom's side... a little, but not much on my dad's side. I know it doesn't always work out that way though!
Also, my sister and I were bitter rivals for many years growing up, and I'm sure we made our parents' lives hell with our constant fighting. So there's that!!! But, we did outgrow that stage and have a great relationship now.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
@grizz: Ugh!!! LO is 14 mo and I was doing the pat on the butt through the crib rails for the better part of 3 hrs last night. It sucks so bad!!!! LO's sleep has it's good periods and bad...I'd definitely be one and done if it was always that bad!
pomelo / 5628 posts
We technically decided before we got married to stop at one... But I always figured I'd push for a second anyway. But then infertility, then the pregnancy from hell validated one and done. But even though its 100% and I are lots of positives with being one and done AND and I'm not really sure we would do well with two (and going through the first year again)...I still kind if wish...
nectarine / 2031 posts
For me ours is because when G was born I had a ton of help and when I was running on 3 days no sleep my mom took him so I could catch a few hours and then when my mom left my mother in law stepped in. So having that on top of hubs being a great support and heavily involved made a huge difference in my sanity. And I do think that having a baby that is a better sleeper(not great but better) makes a difference. In the beginning I never wanted kids period but I'm enjoying my son so much that I am going we can have another one because I am not getting any younger either.
Not really looking forward to being pregnant again though
pomelo / 5678 posts
@BabyMats: I bet that makes a huge difference having help. That is a consideration for me... I don't even know where lo would go when we go to the hospital (if we are having another babe).
nectarine / 2031 posts
@Greentea: I really think it does make a huge difference. It allows me to recoup.
How far away is family assuming you have family you are comfortable to leave lo with?
pineapple / 12526 posts
We're still deciding, but leaning towards 2. We have small families, she doesn't have many cousins, and we don't want her to be alone.
grapefruit / 4817 posts
We're still on the fence, but I can say from my perspective, if I can find a way to SAH, then we'll probably have another. There's no way I'll have another and work. I would be miserable. So we have a lot of financial stuff to figure out and to get settled for that to happen, which means it might not happen. I think my husband would like another, but is letting me make the decision because it's my body and I do most of the child care. Maybe in another year or so we'll visit the idea.
honeydew / 7917 posts
That first year with DS1 was brutal, and I was positive I was one and done. How could I possibly go through that with a second child? We had a surprise pregnancy shortly after he turned one. It resulted in a miscarriage, but that's what I needed to know that my family wouldn't be complete without another.
pineapple / 12566 posts
@Greentea: my first was a terrible sleeper. Literally waking up 3-4+ times per night the ENTIRE first year. It was exhausting. However, we definitely wanted a 2nd. Baby 2 is now 10 weeks and SUCH a good sleeper in comparison. So it can be done!
kiwi / 687 posts
We're expecting to want lots but so far just have #1 on the way.
For those unsure, though, I'd recommend long consideration of all the uncertainty you open yourself up to when inviting somebody new to join the family - no guarantee of just one (multiples are always possible), no guarantee of somebody like your first (more difficult kid with disabilities, etc)... Recently read a blog from somebody who did IVF to give her son a sibling, but they were otherwise on the fence about more kids, and now they're pissed because they're having twins.
Unacceptable.
grapefruit / 4085 posts
We're still deciding - I'm thinking we'll have to make a decision by summer or so and that thought still sort of scares me
grapefruit / 4663 posts
I was SURE I was one and done until J turned 4 months and he just gets the funner every day now and I just don't know if I can leave him wo a sibling. I love my siblings.
@anandam: I read that post, they are so stupid.
@Greentea: I'm hoping the (perhaps maybe idk) second would be a better sleeper and less colicky. We cosleep bc it's the only way we all sleep.
@rahlyrah: we are the same % as y'all and I just don't know what to do.
pomegranate / 3895 posts
We're both about 98% sure we're one and done. We always thought we wanted two, but then we had DD and she's amazing and wonderful, an "easy" baby, but even easy babies are hard and we just don't want to do the baby years again. We also aren't willing to compromise all our goals/dreams/happy marriage for a second baby that we aren't desperate to have. Not saying that others compromise when they have more than one baby, but for us it would be a compromise.
@Greentea: My DD is a good sleeper and we're still one and done, because even the relatively small amount of sleep deprivation I deal with has taken a serious toll...and we feel like we wouldn't be lucky enough to have our second also be a good sleeper and if I had to deal with any additional sleep deprivation I don't think I could handle it!
pomegranate / 3393 posts
We're undecided. But like some PP, we are on the older side, so we have to decide one way or another soon! We also went from ambivalent to one and done to, wow, we love this baby, 2 might be fun!
pomegranate / 3350 posts
We were undecided until we had DS. Once he was born I knew for a fact that we would at least try for a second (or more). I know that doesn't really answer the question - it was just something clicked the weeks after he was born and I knew that I really wanted to do it all over again.
pomelo / 5298 posts
@loveisstrange: This!
We are not preventing (and have been this way for almost a year now). We are old parents (I was 37 when LO was born). Her closest in age cousin is 9 years older and about 700 miles away. I hate the thought of her being without close family later in life.
pomelo / 5678 posts
@BabyMats: none I think that would make such a difference for us. I would love help, support, a break, anything.
pear / 1639 posts
@anandam: @jetsa: Ok, now I want to know what blog/post someone would admit to being upset about twins. I'm so darn nosy. Can one of you please wall me the link so I can kill my curiosity?
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@heartonastring: your response resonates most with me. There are so many things in life that I want to do, another baby would really complicate or hinder things. DH is dead set on more, I'm really not sure. IF we have another one, it will be 3-4 years down the road and I hate the idea of my kids 5-6 years apart. I really don't want to go through the baby phase again.
But part of me never wanted only one kid- it was either no kids, or 2-3 kids... I dunno. I'm still young so I'm not stressing it and taking my sweet time to decide.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
It's a few things, mainly age for me and the fact that my husband is one of 4 and he was always taking care of his siblings, so he feels like he's already done the juggling act.
I don't buy into the whole "siblings=best friends" thing, have another child because you want to, don't base it on your siblings being BFFs.
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