Hellobee Boards

@looch: yes, this! I will not make the decision to have another child based on fear or the sibling argument. I worry that if I had another for any reason other than desperately wanting a second child, I could be resentful. That sounds really terrible, but basically I think that making such a major, life-altering decision shouldn't be based on a thing other than intense desire.

@rahlyrah: I have a feeling we'll end up the same way because DH really doesn't want another and I can't force him into that, its too big of a decision for him to just do what I want. Truthfully we need to have a frank discussion about it and then I probably need to get some contraceptives

I was the motivator behind getting pregnant and having #1, We love her dearly and will most likely have #2 but the last 4 months have been eye opening. My hubs is not a baby guy and a lot of the work and responsibility has fallen on me. I have a feeling he'll push for a 2nd before i'm ready not because he wants another baby but because hes only 3 years younger than his brother and would want his kids close together. I have some stipulations before we ride the baby train again. We need a 4 bedroom house, on a quieter street preferably closer to my parents, our CCs need to be paid off and i would want to either go part time or be a SAHM. At this point i think it will be at least 3-5 years before i could entertain doing this again

@Vegmama: There's no shame in formula. ((HUGS))

DH and I always talked about having 2-3 kids, but deep down I wasn't sure I wanted more than 1. Especially after the struggle we went through to get pregnant - I just wasnt't sure I could handle that again. But then I did get pregnant and had the most amazing, wonderful little girl... and my heart just quadrupled. Sure, she is a miserable sleeper and being a parent is so gut-wrenchingly hard, but I just couldn't imagine not having another now.

Unlike some of you, I have decided that if we are going to have a second (or a third), we need to hurry up and do.it.right.now. If we were to get out of the baby stage and get used to having an independent little kid before TTC #2, I don't think I would ever agree to do it again. I would rather have a few years of baby hell than get hit with that train again.

@septca: I totally agree with doing the baby stage all at once. Probably if we waited then I would have changed my mind about a second.

Pumping at work, being sick for almost 2 years straight now, pregnancy, work inflexibility, MONEY.

For the record, we did always want more than one. We've always hypothetically talked about a large family, but for most of the first year, I really wasn't sure I wanted to consider having anymore. The further we get from the newborn days and the sleepless nights, the more I *think* that I can do this again. I love seeing my boys showing more and more personality as they grow up and learn new things. They're discovering they have a sibling/built-in playmate, and it just kills us how much we love seeing them interact with each other. All those things remind me that every stage is different and hard and fantastic all at once, which gives me hope that (1) we could survive another newborn phase, and (2) someday they'll all be old enough that we can still do some things that we want to do for ourselves. I'm in my 30s and I spent all of my 20s single and pursuing things that I was interested in (not that I can't do that to some extent now), but I think that makes it easier for me to feel like I can put some of those things on the back burner for a couple more years to have another kid. It might be harder for me to feel that way if I hadn't had a chance to do my own thing for a decade. Not sure if I'm wording that to really express what I'm trying to say; hopefully that makes sense.

For me, time has been a big factor. My answer 6 months ago--heck, my answer 3 months ago--would have been much more equivocal than it is now.